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How do you even fight crazy?!

rosie33's picture

They say you gotta fight crazy with crazy but damn, I dont know where to even start. Actually, I guess we are going to start with our lawyer but idk where thats going to lead. The crazy BM had gotten SS11 diagnosed with some disorders without his fathers knowledge of anything (previous post). My fiance went and met with the Dr last Friday and the Dr was completely snow balled. He thought BM was still an RN (hasn't been for 4 years and got fired for stealing pills). Had no clue of her past drug addiction or her mental illnesses. He didn't even think my fiance was in his boys life even though he has 50% custody! We found out the Dr had already given her a month's worth of Adderall for SS11. This was based on a 2 1/2 hour visit with BM and SS11 - where he even said that BM did most of the talking. There were also evaluations done by the teachers at school. The Dr only had one out of three of them. She kept the other two. When my fiance went in he did one as well. ALL of the eval's except BM's had NO PROBLEM AREAS for SS11!!! BM's eval was off the charts! Every single thing was wrong! The Dr even said its rare for a kid to have EVERYTHING wrong! Once he got the whole story from my fiance, he said he doesn't feel SS11 should be on the meds and that he was going to call BM and tell her not to start them and he wants SS11 to see psychologist alone for first meeting. We completely agree. We told her what was going on, we knew she woldn't be happy. We sent that text when she was at a wine festival too Smile She went off! She told my fiance that she spoke to the secretaries and they told her in their exact words "he was a complete d*ckhead when he came in here and if he shows up again, we are calling the cops and filing harassment" That was only the beginning! OH and you should hear the sweet message left on his VM about getting copies of all the eval's from the secretary! But the bottom line was until she hears from the Dr, she was starting the adderall on Monday as prescribed! The Dr said he would call her before Monday. On Monday, she said she still hadn't heard from the Dr, my fiance was a big liar and thats all he does is lie and blah blah blah. My fiance called the Dr again, left a VM and explained what she's been saying and still had every intention on starting meds. So Tuesday comes, my fiance went into the school and had a meeting with SS11's teachers and school counselor - all agreed they were surprised they were doing eval's for him and he has no behavior issues outside of an average 5th grader. My fiance lets her know he went, this is how he feels and now after talking to all teachers AND doc, he is still not consenting to giving his son the meds. Again, she flips! Said she spoke to the Dr, he never told her NOT to give him the meds and how hes being so sneaky going around meeting with the teachers without her and blah blah blah…I mean it was an endless amount of text! He only sent the one, we don't ever go back and forth with her. The Dr called my fiance again yesterday, he said " I heard you made it into the office and we didn't have to call the cops on you!" Obviously sarcastic. He said he called BM on Monday and told her not to start the meds and she agreed. He wasn't very happy when we told him she already did. He said he'd call her again because SS11 cannot see a psychologist if hes using Adderall! Clearly!
Every day its something! It really takes a toll sometimes and I won't lie, I may have a moment where I think how much less stressed I'd be if it was just me and my two boys but it passes and I know my fiance is my best friend, let alone the guy Im going to marry, and I would never leave him high and dry to deal with her. She is supposed to be going back in for child support too. She said she has a Dr note that she can't work, indefinitely. Im sure we are going to get F'd and we just got two new cars bc both of ours took a crap on top of lawyer fees! Only thing I can hope is we get full custody from this clearly crazy person!

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

wtf ~ crazy ass BM !!!

Sure let's medicate our son ~ that's a wonderful idea you douchebag. Sounds like Münchausen syndrome mixed with manipulating doctor shopping at the sons expense. WTF !!!

I'd get a doctors reporting stating how the doctor advised mommy douchebag to cease administering the drug. Take that to court. Expose her ass ~ you are trying to do what is best for the son. Not expose him to drugs that in the teachers n doctors opinion he doesn't need.

rosie33's picture

We meet with lawyer tomorrow and we are going to make sure the Dr will back us up with everything. Every time we think we have a hands down "win" in court, we get screwed but I don't see how this could all EVER be okay?! Any sane person can read these text messages and clearly see something is wrong with her! I literraly have 40 pages of texts.

rosie33's picture

We have thought about that but honestly I think she has her own scrip for her - not saying she wouldn't want more. I do know she has a scrip for percs and sells some of them to make up for the cost because she has no insurance. On the other hand, she is ADAMENT about giving him the meds and already did start him on them. I think she just wants someone to go through the same things she goes through with her - as weird as that may sound, I think she projects her issues onto him. That way she has someone to sympathize with and say "we both have problems and its okay" …I dont know, may be far out but I don't know what else to think.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Rosie ~ document everything !

Text message ~ teacher's comments, doctor comments ~ all of it.

Sure get your son high on drugs he doesn't need. Isn't that endangering the welfare of a minor ??

Love the fact ~ that she can't work but goes to the winery ~

kathc's picture

^^^^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Document it ALL and seriously consider going to court so it's legally laid out that your DH has sole decision making when it comes to medical issues.

rosie33's picture

I am…I have all the texts into a Word document. She told him she was blocking him from her phone and if he needed anything he was to call her home phone and leave a msg and she would get back to him when she could! Psh, we got a text within the hour of that being sent! She can't control her emotions which benefits us. He will NEVER have a phone conversation with her, we know better. That is why he ONLY texts or emails, so it can all be saved. She has told him probably three times she was blcoking him and he harrasses her! HAHAHA I think for every one text he sends, she sends 20! He keeps the conversation about the subject at hand - she flies off the handle and starts calling me and my boys names and talks about their marriage and all this other non important crap.

kathc's picture

It really doesn't sound like she's giving those pills to your SS. More like she's taking them herself or selling them. If a kid doesn't have ADHD and you give them adderall they will start bouncing off the walls. It's speed. It only calms you down when you have issues to begin with. If the kid doesn't have anything wrong with him it's going to cause behavioral issues that she does not want to deal with. So, no, I really do not think she is giving him the meds.

rosie33's picture

We really don't know the affects yet. She literally just started him on them on Monday and its her week. We are supposed to get them this evening but she had already said she wasn't giving SS11 to us, only SS14. If she does that then obviously shes going to break the custody agreement and give us more ammunition. We'll see when he goes to pick them up. He told his Dad he took a small blue pill on Monday.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

What about Tuesday ??

I'd confiscate those pills n count them everytime he is with you.

What are the side affects of those meds ??

rosie33's picture

I think she did give them Tuesday as well so we'll see how he is tonight IF we get him. We told her to give us the pills or scrip - she said we are f'n nuts if we ever think that would happen.

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

I'd go even further and have the sons blood draw n see if the medicine shows up in his blood stream n as to see the pill bottles to see how many have been removed.

Orange County Ca's picture

No blood test. The kid isn't going to lie about taking a pill.

Unfortunately with a insane person there is no logic that works. It's strictly coercion. You make them stop or start the behavior you want and in family law cases it means the courts system. With your story the only feasible option is custody so save and document and diary everything and be prepared for a long battle in the courts.

AllySkoo's picture

Really? I have asthma, I've used inhalers for 20 some odd years and never gotten a buzz! Wonder what you have to do to them...

rosie33's picture

She had the original eval's done by the teachers and herself without my fiance's consent or knowledge. We didn't know anything until the day of the Dr appt when he asked a question, she got mad and she spilled everything! The Dr thought she was still a RN and worked at our hospital, didn't even know the boys spent 50% of their lives at our house. She has always handled doc appts and medical care for the most part because she had a more flexible work schedule. Once my fiance filled him in and did his own eval's of how SS11 is at our home - he realized he didn't need the meds. Unfortunately that was on Friday of the holdiay weekend at 5pm. She already had the scrip and I think she had already gotten it filled. I am going to tell my fiance tonight to let the Dr know we are going to court and he needs to write a statement stating what happened. He is a well known Dr here too with a good reputation so Im sure thats gotta carry some weight!

IAMGOOD's picture

That is the stuff that woman get skinny on or do I have the wrong medication?
Often they get it prescribed for kids and take it themselves.
Heard this happening before.....so sorry for what you are going thru.

tootie25's picture

So I have zero advice but I want to say good luck and thank you bc you make me feel so much better about my situation. Geeez!

rosie33's picture

It's definitely a lot to deal with!!! Exhausting most days and unfortunately it will probably get worse before it gets better!