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It's been a little over a year...

rosie33's picture

Well, it's been a little over a year since I've posted anything - somet hings have changed, some have not. We still deal with a crazy ex-wife/BM. Last October my SS14 decided he wanted to live with us full time. We were perfectly fine with it. He had just started on the varisty football team as the kicker and my DH could put more time in with him if he lived with us full time. Needless to say my SS14's mom was not in agreement. However, she failed to realize this is the child she she didn't "favor" out of the two and he pretty much had come to resent her. So he refused to go to her house and if it wasn't for us making him go every other weekend, I don't think he'd care to go at all. She eventually said okay to the arrangement for football season so my DH could help him more with it. (In other words, she didn't want to do all the running around and that was her way of getting out of it) Once the season was over she said he needed to start going back - he didn't. Of course she threatened us with going to court and getting a lawyer - kind of hard to do when you are unemployed and we knew that. We never went to court. So its been almost an entire year that he has stayed with us full time. We never went and modified child support too - our luck has NEVER been good in there and last time we went we kind of got the best of the worst possible outcome so we figured why rock the boat.

Last weekend SS14 was to go with her for the weekend and on Friday morning I always ask him if he reminded her she would need to pick him up - he said no. I think he forgot and I could tell in his voice he wasn't thrilled I reminded him. So around 4pm that day my DH calls and tells me that SS14 took it upon himself to ask his mom if he could just stay with us instead of going with her. I laughed and asked how that went...he stayed with us. BUT my DH got a long text saying how she doesn't think this agreement is going to work anymore and that she wants to go back to the custody agreement, blah blah blah. She said there is no communication and she feels like she doesn't know whats going on with him in regards to school and football. Mind you, she has the same access to all the information we have. She didn't bother coming to either of her kids parents nights at school for the past two years AND she went to a wine festival the next day!! She gets her son 4 days out of the month and just had to schedule a wine festival on one of those days.

He agreed to go over to her house today and Im a little nervous - I know she'll try everything and anything to get him to come back BUT he is also verrrry hard headed and I think he truly does resent her. Besides, she can't afford to have him back. We give her child support for both of them and she never has money to get them what they need. Either way, we told him we support whatever he wants to do, if he wants to go back, cool, if not, we are willing to go to court - we'll just let her petition us. He says he's not going back.

PS: I have to admit, through everything she has said and done to or about me, it does make me feel good he prefers to live with us Smile

still learning's picture

She will have a hard time trying to force a 14 year old to live with her if he doesn't want to. In most states a judge will listen to a kids preference when they are 12. I hope you can skip court and all the costs associated with it when the outcome will likely be the status quo.

rosie33's picture

Thats why we aren't too worried about going to court, and hes 15 now, will be 16 in Feb. He has valid reasons too other than just not wanting to live with his mom. If court were free, Id LOVE to go. She has no clue how much stuff I know, including how she sells her prescription pills - and Im talking like 90 pills a month being sold!!!

Rags's picture

Kids are smart. At least some of them are. The smart Skids clearly recognize a POS parent when they have one. My Skid certainly did and asked me to adopt him as a result of how disgusted he is with his idiot sperm donor and all but one aunt and a half sister in the shallow polluted end of his gene pool. So, at 23 we got papers documenting what has always been fact. I am his dad, he is my son. Now I am even on his birth certificate. In all but still being a waste of skin the Sperm Idiot is officially erased from my son's official life. Good riddance to that.

Your SS is obviously one of the seeming rare smart Skids who clearly recognizes that his BM is a POS much like my son clearly recognizes that his Sperm Idiot and pretty much the entire Sperm Clan is one big shit filled shallow genetic cesspool.

Congrats on being his REAL mom.

rosie33's picture

Oh I wish it were that easy! We debate ALL the time about going in and getting CS adjusted but with her having this "dr note" claiming she can't work, it kind of blows everything out of the water. The last time we went and it got raised, BM didn't show so my DH actually got to speak and the woman basically agreed with him that its not fair he has 50/50 and will still be responsible for 100% because she's held at 0. So she held him at 35 hours and no overtime when she could've held him at 40 hours and include all his overtime. Plus he's since gotten a raise hourly so we just know if we go back in, we'd probably end up paying what we pay now for one child thats 50/50 even though the other one lives with us 90% of the time. Its just always a crap shoot going in there, I hate it!

He definitely prefers to live with us - she sees it as him wanting to be around a male figure and because he can work with him on football. Um, Im a female and I take him to the field and kick with him if his dad isn't available. It's not hard to spend time doing something a kid likes. She could make things different with him, she just chooses not too. He has a half brother too and he pretty much wants nothing to do with him. It's sad, but its all her doing.

rosie33's picture

All they do is figure out what the amount is based on the guidelines. Then since SS is with father most of the time, they would figure out her obligation and subtract it from his, if that makes sense. BUUUUUUT her obligation is zero because she makes NO INCOME! So the guidelines are null and void for her. WE have to make up the difference for her household. The fact that she has a bf that works that lives with her doesn't matter either - because they aren't married.

Yes, your CS system sounds like its based on common sense! PSH, if ONLY we had that! Our system is very ass-backwards, go figure.