Ex wife coming to family events
When my dh was previously married, my dh, his x, his brother and his brother's gf used to all hang out together. My dh's brother's gf became best friends w/ my dh's x. Well when my dh divorced his x, somewhere down the line the gf had a fall out w/the X and they were no longer friends.
For 5 yrs. my dh and I dated before we married. We would occassionaly have my dh's brother over and his gf. Her and I would visit but we just never clicked to be ones that hung out together and get close. Anyhow when the gf and i would visit she would talk her crap on the X and then about a year ago, my dh's brother, and his gf started hanging out with my dh's X.
As far as I know they all are the best of buds now, and when my SD had a choir concert it was such an akward situation because my dh and I were sitting all alone, and my dh's brother, gf, and the X were sitting all w/each other.
I really don't know how to handle the whole situation because I feel like my dh's brother and gf, are trying to get her "back in the family" by coming to family events. Aug. 14th my dh's brother has a 60th bday, and retirement party that is getting held for him by my sil and we are unsure if the X will be there. If she is we aren't going but, there isn't any real way of finding out if she is going to be there w/out asking my sil and I'm not even doing that. My dh says his family doesn't have anything to do w/his X but really, I don't think they would tell her to leave this party if she showed up w/my dh's-brother's gf. My dh's family has really never made me feel "apart" of their family. We all live in the same town and they never invite my dh and me over, they can be down the road out to eat and not even stop by being so close. They live on the other side of town from us and it's kinda like him and i are "outsiders" and on facebook they will post pics. of little get togethers that we were totally aware of and it just makes me hurt but. Thank god I have my own family here to visit but, do any of you deal w/ family events w/X's coming???? This woman has been sooo bitter to me for years, she is 14 years older than I and has harrassed me in the past to where I have had to call the police...
I wonder if eventually down the road my dh will cut his family off if she starts coming to events. He has already made it clear and to his family that wherever she is at he wont be there...
I'm in your spot, too. My
I'm in your spot, too.
My DH's XW is invited/included/participates in almost everything. She's come to holidays. She comes to family reunions. Etc. Gag.
Matter of fact, we will be attending a 4 day family event next week, and guess who's planning on going?
Oh, AND my skids are adults. Not little kids.
I try to remember that just because my DH divorced her doesn't mean the rest of his family divorced her. Do I like it? Nope, not at all. I don't think my DH should cut his family off because of it, though.
We can't control what others do. That's their choice. Even if it annoys the crap outta me.
DH'S family may not have
DH'S family may not have divorced his ex but he did and I think it's disrespectful to both of you to invite her to "family" events.
I have remained in contact with my brothers ex and my mother would love to marry my ex herself but we all have to common sense to just know that having lunch one on one ocassional is one thing...but inviting "Jane" over for the family memorial day cookout is crossing a very clear line. It's just rude.
Further, the ex should understand it. So, I'm assuming yours is crazy like ours if she hasn't pointed this out on her own and attempted to extract herself from the situation. Good Luck.
Isn’t it truly amazing how
Isn’t it truly amazing how some families do such a thoughtless thing. In my situation I couldn’t care less if the EX is there. Doesn’t bother me one bit, but my husband on the other hand is very unhappy when she shows up and has felt completely betrayed by his family when they insist she be at his family’s events. He feels they have picked her over him and nothing I can say will change his mind about that. Your DH seems to feel the same way.
That is quite a different situation than when the wife feels uncomfortable that the ex is present and it is very disrespectful that his family continues to invite the EX when he has made it crystal clear how he feels. The EX is no longer part of his family, and that is a boundary that some EXES just don’t seem to understand. She should graciously decline all such invitations.
Many people have Exes in the family that they would liked to have maintained contact with but didn’t do so out of respect for their siblings.
There is no way I could EVEN
There is no way I could EVEN begin to sit in the same room w/her at a family get together. She literally makes me wanna puke! :sick: and I have so much hate for her inside of me for what she has said about me, and especially her actions...she is a very irresponsible woman.
So I'm curious...How do some of you respond w/having the X in the same room at events like this??? surely there has to be some tension here? especially with them or even everyone making eye contact? I'm sorry I just couldn't go to family events w/X there. An X is an X for a reason.
I've only experienced it once
I've only experienced it once - when DH's ex showed up at his fathers funeral (uninvited and without the kids we had all agreed were too young to attend). It was incredibly ackward and I was very angery that she had the nerve to come at all. DH and I both just avoided her while we tried to think of the best way to handle the situation.
Luckily, once she starting introducing herself people she didn't know, including my parents as HIS WIFE I didn't have to make the hard choice about how to handle it - My dad glady escorted her outside and explained to her that her behavior was insane and wouldn't be tolerated.
She cried, left and hasn't appeared to any such family events again. We are still however invited to her family events but we are sane enough to decline.
OMG! I would have been
OMG! I would have been livid!!!!!
That is just rude of DH's
That is just rude of DH's family to invite the ex anywhere, and if she had any kind of decorum, she would politely decline. Some people just have no class.