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A SS Bully to my BS and my BD, what would you do?

frustratedmom's picture

I am getting married in 13 days. This past Jan. my future SS moved in with us because BM couldn't handle him. We moved him here to try to improve his life and to help him because he has "anger issues". I was visiting with my BS, and my BD (they live with us) also, and my son told me that when SS and BS are together, if SS doesn't get his way he will sometimes punch my son in the arm, or call him names. This makes me FURIOUS, as I have never liked him to begin with. I have many reasons why I can't stand this kid, he doesn't appreciate anything I do for him, he is a messy slob around here, he has a foul mouth, and is very manipulative with his parents and I can see right through the punk. Another reason why I agreeed to have the brat come live with us is because it would give my fiance almost a $1,000 dollar increase in our household income, and this will enable for us to find a home, and provides more in our household.

However, I feel so sad for my son having to deal with this and on top of being furious I confroted the punk, he says that all kids punch each other and that my son is a "tattle tell". Even though I was fuming inside I remained "CALM" and was telling him that I didn't want him to do that to my son, just as if my son were doing that I wouldn't tolerate that either. So all along I am talking and so he is getting more angry, so then he calls my son a "FAGGET" I said first of all my son isn't a "fagget" and if your calling my son that then your a fagget also, SS blew up at me then and said "I'M NOT A FAGGET, YOUR A FAGGET YOU FUCKING BITCH" I was like whatever you can call me names all you want but I wont tolerate you doing this in my home, and your words don't hurt any of us, whatever names you call people-then you must be talking about yourself! BD is trying to tell his BS to stop calling me names and the punk doesn't listen, my fiance also telling me to "stop" and "lets go upstairs" so the punk can cool off because my fiance knows that his son is just has problems.

This is kid is 14 years old (4 days older) than my BS and SS just thinks since he is stronger (muscle) wise that he can control my son, bottom line is..... he's a "BULLIE" so does anyone have any advice on how to handle this punk, at least until he's 18 and I can kick his ass out of my home...

He can't go back to his BM because we just signed and completed custody to be changed to here, so basically since we are stuck with this un-ruly child how am I to handle him calling me these awful names in front of my children?? My own kids have never called me these names! and I don't like them witnessing SS calling me or them names either. We can't call the police, but I just don't know what to do since all of us are "stuck" with the punk....

Oh one other thing, he has a pocket knife that he carries in his pocket and last week, twice he was "playing" around or at least my daughter felt like he was "playing" anyway he put the knife up close to her neck. I told him not to do this anymore, and then a couple of days ago he shot my son with his bb gun and so I asked my son why did SS do this to you?? and he said because SS said to my BS that he "ditched him" and didn't wait for SS to come outside. I am so mad at this kid.

Also is it legite to cancel my wedding plans with the man I am in love with for this punk??? I have been waiting 5 years to marry my fiance he is a good man to my kids and I.

Pantera's picture

Um YEAH, it is legit to cancel the wedding plans. If you are stuck with this child and you don't like him and he's hurting your kids, the wedding should definitely be on hold and you should definitely reconsider being with your DH at all. You are going to have to live with his kid for AT LEAST 4 more years. Is it worth it?

HennyPen's picture

that is actually a scary situation. I'd have to put the wedding on hold and seperate the households. You can't subject your children to SS constant barage of emotional and physical abuse. Unfortunantly he has problems, and now you and DH are letting your children suffer the consequences of SS problems. as much as it might hurt, what's more important your children or marriage with SS in the picture. He likely won't just leave when he's 18 either, your DH might make excuses for him since he has problems.

It's going to be a hard decision for you. Sorry you are going through this.

frustratedmom's picture

One good thing that I am soooo proud of is, my BS knows that SS has anger issues, and knows what is right from wrong, and doesn't seem to appear to be scared of SS at all. I will protect my kids. I don't give a crap what that punk thinks. My son isn't a whimp and is standing his ground. It just saddens me that my kids are dealing with this, and before SS/Punk came to live with us my fiance was worried that I might leave him one day because of his brats behavior.

sm27's picture

I don't think this is a healthy situation at all for anyone involved. Your ss is putting a knife to your BD's throat? You might want to consider getting him help; if that doesn't work, I would call the police any time he acts up to the point of violence, so that he learns that the behavior is unacceptable in RL.
I am so sorry you're going through this, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to live with such an unpredictable and violent teen capable of truly hurting someone.

Have you tried sitting him down and asking him why he behaves this way? If you've tried it all, then there's one last resort (police) and I definitely think you and your fiancee should be on the same page about all of this.

Jsmom's picture

I am sorry but you need to walk away now. Not matter how nice your fiance is, he is not worth you sacrificing your children. This kid has problems and they will get worse as he gets older. We have problems with my SD14 and I wish I had called it off and moved out. But, my son loved his SD and wants me to stay. You can turn back. Go fast.

frustratedmom's picture

My fiance is on the page with me. I just found the BB gun in his dresser drawer, so I took it out and I told my fiance that he isn't getting back until "we decide" which wont be for a long time, my fiance said so I wont look like the bad person to SS, if SS comes home from school today looking for it to tell him that my fiance has it.

The SS was in therapy before he came to live with us, we didn't take him back because BM didn't pay the balance, last week she finally got it paid to $0.00 so we are definitely getting him back into therapy. He needs it!

I am just lost on my future marriage on what to do. We just paid $7.000 dollars to complete our wedding, and now this....

frustratedmom's picture

Crayon- My fiance backs me up completely. He agrees that SS shouldn't have the BB gun, so that is in our possession right now, and believe me I will end up throwing it in the trash. My fiance says his kid needs to be back in Therapy, he doesn't think he would hurt anyone, but I told my fiance I think differently. I think he could.