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Entitled 24 year old stepson wants to be dropped off and picked up all the time.

Monsterchick87's picture

He's not really my stepson because I'm not married to my SO, he's just my boyfriend's son. Well, his car has been in the mechanic for a while (that's what I heard) and he's been telling his dad to drive him to places almost daily. And it's not like he needs to go to work. He's been unemployed for a long time. The kid needs to go to the gym or other random places and dad has to take him after a long day at work. We live in a city with plenty of public transportation. You don't need a car in this city. There are buses, subways and Ubers. So why is my SO being a taxi driver to his 24 year old unemployed son? Are dads so guilty to tell their kids to take a bus or find a way to get around on their own? I mean, it's not like he's 10 and he can't be alone. This is how he's always been. When he doesn't have his car, someone has to give him rides. That's how comfortable he is. 
I do not understand why my boyfriend doesn't set any boundaries. I bet if his son tells him to jump off a bridge he'll do it. For the love of his son, he will. 
I want to ask parents here if this should be acceptable?

tog redux's picture

You won't find anyone here who thinks this is normal or acceptable. You WILL find lots of people here whose significant others do similar enabling things for their adult kids. 

hereiam's picture

I would not find it acceptable but I would not be with a man who always says that he wants to leave me and go live with his college age kids.

Why are you still with this guy?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

This man treats you poorly while he is willing to do anything for his kids. Why do you continue to stay with him? Have you considered some individual therapy to help you figure out why you are willing to put up with someone who has so little regard for you?

As to your question, no one here is going to think this acceptable.

Kaylee's picture

Your man does not treat you well at all but runs around after his adult babies. Ughhh!

The SS needs to get his sad arse off the couch and walk, cycle or take the bus if he needs to go somewhere.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

The son is only doing what the father has trained him to do: be an entitled user. It's your H and his enabling that's really to blame.

This is as good as it's ever going to get with this guy. Have you started putting together an exit strategy?

failuretolaunch's picture

He's a manchild and his dad is disabling him.  Absolutely not. Sort your car out, get a job so you can pay for it and use public transport you lazy son of a beep.

Have you talked to your partner about this. I doubt he'll listen but you never know. God knows why he thinks he needs to do this. Fear or guilt over something.

 

Monsterchick87's picture

The thing is that whenever I try to talk to him he gets defensive, as a lot of parents do. In his mind, he thinks he's being a good father. 
I have thought about leaving him. However there are times that he is good to me, but others that he puts his sons before me. 
he also makes up a lot of lies to make me believe that his son will get a job someday. He says he's super smart and this and that when in reality all he does is play video games and live rent free mooching off people. 

Winterglow's picture

"You're right, dh, he IS smart. After all, he's got YOU jumping through hoops for him... "

failuretolaunch's picture

Same here. She gets defensive and it ends up in an argument. I have decided now that any issues that I need to raise with her I am going to do it in a pub or coffee shop. Both of us that way have to keep calm and not get annoyed with each other.

I think my partner thinks she is being a good mum by not being on SK2's case all the time. Case in point. I have been asking her to tell him to get keys cut for months now because he lost his and she lends him hers, so I have to answer the door when she comes home late after a night out when I am in bed.. It's a simple task, she makes so many excuses for him, he actually went to the hardware store the other day and I told her to tell him to get it done then. Didn't happen. It's the one thing she knows I am pi$$ed off about but does she enforce it.  No...God knows why. My adult kids I would be 'Go NOW and get some keys cut, this instance, you don't have money, then go beg for some on the street.' He's always claiming poverty but somehow manages to go out with friends......

Next situation is getting a job, I know already she is making excuses for him getting a job but I have my ace card. I look after the house at the moment as I work(or don't due to covid) at home. If her lazy son makes excuses to her and she makes excuses to me, she can forget about me doing any housework when there is an 18+ year old laying on his bed all day watching TV. I've already told her if he doesn't get a job he can clean. Because I won't be, so she will have to, so she will get pi$$ed off at him and not me.

Take Back Control.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Go get the keys cut yourself and then hand it to him. Usually I would say her  problemo, but this affects you. Solve it, then there are no more excuses or interruptions that annoy you.

Glad you are taking back control

OP you deserve better

Winterglow's picture

Or shut your phone off and start wearing earplugs when you go to bed. She'll eventually get sick of you not letting her in and either get the keys cut herself or take back her own keys. I kind of like the idea of letting her stand and rage at the front door a few times ... but I'm in that kind of a mood today.

hereiam's picture

However there are times that he is good to me, but others that he puts his sons before me. 

Oh, well as long as there are times that he is good to you. That was sarcasm.

Seriously, you deserve better.

Kaylee's picture

The OP needs to get rid of the BF, full stop.

I've gone back and read all her posts, and this guy is truly awful. Treats her like s*&t.

I believe she is the tenant in their apartment, so her name is on the rental agreement.

She needs to kick the useless BF out....NOW.

She can do better than this.

Rags's picture

Bad

He does not love his son.  He has ruined his son.  Loving parents do not do that.

Do yourself a favor, up you standards in a mate.

smh
 

 

MissJulsie's picture

I don't get it. I was talking about this EXACT SAME THING not too long ago. My post was called "Driving, driving, driving".

Only with my post, I only had 4 replies. 
 

In short, yes, you are right to be angry that the step brat gets driven everywhere. 
 

Just like I'm angry about my step brat.

Maybe both you and me need to leave our SO's.