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Am I selfish?

Renarchy's picture

This is my first post so its going to be a little long. So my fiancé, his son and I live together. When I first moved in there was a plumbing issue in the apartment that caused a lot of damage to his personal items. So I adjusted and we were all sleeping In the same room. As time passed I realized that he wasn’t letting his son go to his own room at all. So I asked nicely and he turned it into a big argument about me wanting him to push his son away and out of the room. Let me make it clear his son loves me and I do too. We have a great relationship, he is a good kid a perfect little 8 year old boy. My issue is that we never get any time together alone, ever. Not in the day or even at nights. There has been no intimacy, nothing. The longest he as ever told his son to leave the room for is 10 minutes. So you must understand my frustration. If I speak about it it just starts arguments and I just feel like giving up. We now have in our room, our own bed and he purchased an air bed for the son to sleep on at the foot of our bed, instead of his bed in his own room. Isn’t that ridiculous? I don’t know if I’m being selfish because he is definitely making it seem like it. My fiancé remove the television from his sons room placed it in our room so his son can watch tv while in our room so he won’t be bored when I’m watching my programs. The other day he tried to have sex with me very late in the night and then got angry cause, I wouldn’t  with his child at the foot of our bed. I really need some advice?


Disneyfan's picture

Deflate the air bed and unplug the TV.  Put both things in the little boy's room.  

When dad complains, simply tell if reverses what you did, then you are moving out.  Say it, mean and refuse to argue/debate about it.

Trying to have sex with an 8 year old in the room was disgusting and disrespectful.

lieutenant_dad's picture


I would also move into the son's room until I could move out.

fairyo's picture

No, you're not selfish. Your SO is selfish. He treats both yourself and his son very badly. I'm sorry you're having this problem.

OneTiredChick's picture

Disneyfan said it perfectly. If SO complains, move into sons room while you look for a new place and leave astroglide and tissues on SO's nightstand with a note saying, "Enjoy". 

My idiot just stopped staying in his 15 year old daughter's room each night she was here until she fell asleep. Poor widdle thing was "scared" and told daaadddeee she couldn’t fall asleep without him. He also calls her Mrs Snugglebunny which is a whole other f'ed up issue.

Two months ago I purchased a new bedroom set and made one of the spare rooms my new bedroom. The first night I slept there I did exactly what I suggested to you. I guess he’s enjoying it because he’s on his second bottle.

AshMar654's picture

What is wrong with people. Seriously kids sleeping in their own room by themselves makes them more independent. I find it creepy and disturbing. I had to put my foot down with SIL about when SS would sleep over at her place he had to sleep in his own bed. He was 8 at the time and was getting to old for that stuff.

You need to tell you SO that it is weird and seriously not right. Especially if he is trying to have sex with you that is just wrong. If he does not agree you need to leave him.

beebeel's picture

You are not selfish. You are being emotionally manipulated by a lazy jerk. He doesn't want to move the kid to his own room because he's too lazy to have that fight. He's too lazy to be a good parent or a good partner. 

lyns.gibs.84's picture

There is NOTHING selfish or unreasonable about ur request!! It's toxic for you & ur partner and its unhealthy for his son. Especially since the child has his own bed in his own room! That is where he should be and dad should do it just out of respect for you. My husband always goes right to defense any time I have a suggestion about his parenting...he insists I'm being dramatic or just wanting to pick a fight but I figured him out now and refuse to let it make me feel like I'm wrong or crazy!! Stick to ur guns!