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My boyfriend and his son seem like husband and wife

Monsterchick87's picture

Hey everyone,

I don't know if you remember my last post but I said I suspected of my boyfriend paying his adult son's rent. Well, one day the topic of finances came up so I straight out asked my BF if he was helping his son with rent. And the answer was YES. At least he was honest about it. He said it was while his son got his shit together. That probably means never. This kid won't grow up EVER. He still doesn't have his own vehicle and my BF runs after him to drive him around.

Another thing that bothers me besides his son being a parasite, is that my BF loves him. He always wants to visit him or he talks to him a lot through text. For some reason I picture them living together if I break up with my BF. They will live together like husband and wife. I can't picture his son living on his own and having a family. Even if he had a family, my BF will be attached to him to the hip. Ewwww. 
So basically my BF and his son are like best buddies and have a close bond and it makes me so uncomfortable because I hate that kid. I have no respect for an adult who depends on his dad financially, is not self sufficient to go to places, and can't get his shit together. 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

It basically said from the moment of birth, we should be teaching our children how to abandon us.  Meaning, it's our jobs to raise independant, self reliant adults.  You are supposed to be teaching them how to adult so they can leave their own happy, productive lives with friends and a spouse and kids if they want them.  The goal is not to raise enmeshed, co-dependent moochers.  He's not only done himself a huge disservice but he's doing is son a huge disservice.  No woman is going to want to be in a relationship with this kid who can't pay his own rent and can't drive.

My oldest is almost 17.  She's taking three college courses and just one at the highschool.  She's got a hostessing job at a Thank God it's Friday restaurant.  She pays towards her car insurance.  She drives.  She's their most favorite hostess at work and she gets the best shifts with the best tips because at 16 she is their most reliable worker.  She's off here and there with friends when she isn't studying or working.  The days were we spent all of our time together or over.  It's breakfast or a lunch and some texts or facetimes.  Does it suck?  Ya, it kinda of does.  Only my 7 year old will be trick or treating with me this year and the rest will be off with friends.  It kinda of hurts when your kids are off with their own lives but that is our job as parents.  They are supposed to have their own lives.  We are supposed to be a part of their life but not their whole life.  That's not the end goal.    Your job as a parent should move to listening to how they did on their finals and coworker stories and about the great time they had at the concert with their bestie.  What is he doing to move his son to adulthood? 

  

Monsterchick87's picture

My BF is not doing anything and his son is the type of person that you need to push to do things. He doesn't feel motivated or takes the initiative, so the only one that can solve this issue is BF. But he seems content with the way things are and his son depending on him.  I'm screwed as he will never grow up like this and it will be too late later to change things. 

hereiam's picture

For some reason I picture them living together if I break up with my BF

Considering that he told you that he wants to live with his college age kids, this is no big surprise.

He also says he wants to leave you, so what's stopping him?

Good riddance, I say.

relationshipguru's picture

If he leaves you then his loss. What adult woman wants to be with someone who is not only emotionally dependent on their children for companionship and friendship but also has adult children who are financially dependent on them and take advantage of the situation? Good riddance. You will never be a priority. 

AgedOut's picture

If he's paying his son's rent, he might as well be living with him too. have you considered suggesting you live seperately for a few years until his son is selfsupporting or does he need you to pay for everything for you two so he can keep his son living nicely.