Does your BM still use "WE" (meaning her and skid) as if they're still a package deal for your DH?
I guess BM wants to get into personal text convos with my DH when I'm at work because I actually went in late this morning and got this text when using DH's phone (as I do every morning while getting ready).
9:53 am BM- "How is your back?"
10:00 am (me impersonating DH)- "Why?" (ps- I wrote a post in the past admitting that I sometimes pose as DH when BM texts, and right or wrong, it sure is funny at times!) (double ps- apparently my DH told her at some point that he was having back problems, which was not her business!)
So, by "Why?" I mean, clearly it is not your problem or business to ask this personal question, and BM obviously gets that, because she replies, "WE were just wondering, sorry"
I guess BM thinks that if she attaches SD to her personal question, than it's ok, because SD has the right to ask, although why she needs to ask through BM at age 13 is still a mystery....BUT, BM, it's 9:53 am, so SD isn't even with you, she's at school!
So I as DH asks, "Isn't there school today?"
BM says "She went in a little late"- So 13 minutes ago she was supposedly with you, and the two of you were discussing DH's back problems, and decided to reach out to him and inquire through a text, but now, only a few minutes later she is at school? So this convo went on while you were dropping her off??????
NO, BM.....Sorry. I just didn't reply. I mean, "WE" as in DH and I, didn't reply. I guess she isn't working anymore or something...my DH works from home. If she thinks she's going to start a habit of chatting up my man during the day while I'm working my ass off- not happening.
Ew, BM doesn't text DH. SD is
Ew, BM doesn't text DH. SD is 7 & they hardly speak. BM tries to talk all the time. DH doesn't respond to her unless it's an emergency about SD. It never is.
Yeah, that would have to
Yeah, that would have to stop. NO unnecessary contact. By unnecessary I mean anything that doesn't directly involve the welfare of the kids needs to not be communicated. STOP attention seeking BM, he has made his fn decision and you are NOT it. That crap infuriates me.
This infuriates me to no end,
This infuriates me to no end, and to my husband, whom luckily hates her, I just tolerate her for the sake of our SS. WE try to be civil for his sake, but it's hard to be when she acts the way she does. Especially when she wants to talk about how shitty her life is. We do not care that you're broke and your life sucks and it's not OUR responsibility to listen to you or to pay your bills! You already get $400 a month for CS, so stop reaching out your greedy hand, we have our own bills to pay. And stop texting my husband unnecessarily. I would personally text her if I were you telling her, that he is YOUR man and she is to not text him unless it concerns the child. There is no reason for them to talk on a personal level.
They think that the men still
They think that the men still have that need to care for and protect them like when they were married.
They hope if they tell their ex how bad things are or how miserable they are, the men will crawl back begging the BM to take him back. These are the ones that will never truly move on from the past. They feel the 'men' are to take care of them...even when they have thrown them away like garbage....bc no one else will.
YES- She divorced him, but
YES- She divorced him, but would still expect him to be there for anything she needed, and then go away whenever she didn't want him around. When I came into the picture, that ended, and she isn't done flipping out yet. She often tells him that he "owes" SD and that he has to "make things up to her" and that she should come before me and our child together.
I love this, and I will be
I love this, and I will be using it...
LOL
LOL
^^ LOVE this! hahaha
I think you're right, it is
I think you're right, it is all about the situation. If you have a good relationship with the ex, then it makes sense to care and have there conversations. But there is also a point where you have to have respect for their family and, in some situations, it's not a great relationship and its more about control and not wanting to give up a role that was previously theirs.
My husband has two exes that couldn't be more different and the same action from both will elicit very different feelings. One is a dear friend and while they had their bad times there is now a great measure of respect for one another. The other is pretty and vindictive caring more about herself and how things look (she must appear the strong victimized single mom...even remarried) than about my SD6.
There are bigger issues...but it's painful when as a step parent or non-first spouse you are constantly bending your life, family, and home to a situation you did not create rather than having the ability to set your own expectations and plans.
DH would love to have you as
DH would love to have you as SD's mom.
She always calls trying to create small talk, trying to insert things about her life into conversation, etc. She was extra pissy when DH didn't tell her about a death in his family (SD was with us not with her). She called his mom like "I WOULD HAVE CALLED I WOULD HAVE CHECKED ON YOU" balling her eyes out.
DH & BM were never married. They were just screwing around & ended up making SD. my MIL doesn't even really know BM for her to call crying like that. She's just crazy.
The last thing DH wants is BM calling to check on his welfare after all the shit she has done to him, his family, & SD. Does he want her to drop dead? No, that would hurt SD even more than the stunts she pulls. But he doesn't want any unnecessary interraction with her. I think everything you explained in your post that you 'didn't' do would have been considered inappropriate if you DID do. I could see your child calling to check on his dad though.
Oh, let me clarify - DH & BM
Oh, let me clarify - DH & BM were never married & never dated. BM doesn't really know DH, & def doesn't know his family. They were just dumb college freshmen.
& BM is crazy.
So I think that may be how my situation is different from some others.
BM didn't care about his welfare when he took him to court trying to get reduced supervised visitation. She didn't care about his welfare when she was sleeping with & made a baby with his best friend. She didn't care about his welfare when she threw hot cooking oil in his apartment. Or when she keyed his car.
So don't ask now.
People used to tell me things
People used to tell me things like "well, they have a history", but I don't see how that translates into it being okay for her to insert herself into our business or call just to have someone to yell at. As if making others feel l awful somehow makes her life better. At what point do you simply say, "move on!" Especially 5 years down the road, when she's remarried and has 2 more kids. The history is now about the kids. If it's not about the shared child or children, it's not necessary. Would we tolerate this from an ex if there wasn't a shared child?? No!
Ewww...it sounds like she is
Ewww...it sounds like she is very comfortable with texting your DH? Did you ask him about it?
she's the type who will be
she's the type who will be very nasty, and then all the sudden try to fake nice. and she does try to remain friendly with him- I had to make it clear that she can't come into our house or business, and she still tries. the type with no boundaries. She'll also text him and try to start fights at 11pm. depends on her mood, or if she's bored. he's just supposed to be there. and she always says SD wants to know things, when it's her. Sd could ask for herself.
My BM will throw out the it
My BM will throw out the it was an skid when she is cornered...lie thru her flippin teeth it was one of the skids.
Or if its something really important she will say 'for are children'...yes she uses 'are' for 'our' all the time. Annoys the hell outta me too.
Sounds like he needs a lesson
Sounds like he needs a lesson on boundaries. He is more willing to piss his wife off than his ex. No way I would stand for that crap. Luckily, I didn't have to.
Ok I think the problem boils
Ok I think the problem boils down to the fact he is still telling her personal information that is not her business. So I would start with him and tell him you think that is wrong, then sit back and see what happens. BTW I have my SO's cell phone set up so I can view every incoming and outgoing text on his phone.
yes, he is still too open
yes, he is still too open with her- I think this is from last week when she offered him SD for one night, and he told her he wasn't feeling well. With too many details, of course. Any detail is too many.
OMG after DH and I got
OMG after DH and I got married something came up with another couple...and I was all "oh hell no".
He said that after the divorce (but before we met) he would go over and do household repair stuff for BM. Uhmm. Oh. Hell. No.
He didn't think it was a big deal as it was "doing for SS".
I told him the next time my bios are with their dad I would go over and cook some meals and do some laundry...you know..."for the kids"
}:)
I think he got it