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DH lost his job, refuses to interview because SKids are here for the summer

MEL1297's picture


I'm so furious. He was laid off the week after our first biokid was born, 1 month ago. Timing couldn't have been worse, I'm on disability and earning half my salary during my maternity leave. Anyhow, he has a few good leads but refuses to interview when skids are here (childcare not an issue, as I'm home on maternity leave). We have them every other week. He may be getting an offer but says he doesn't want to start until skids are back in school at end of August...WTF. No job will wait that long for him to start. I tell him this and am so pissed but he's still continuing this. I know he's going to ruin his chances if he's too demanding with time.

To top it off he's complaining how money's tight, yet takes skids to movies, mini golf,etc. I bought 2 shirts the other day (since I'm nowhere near my pre preggo size, nothing fits) and he questioned how much I spent..

I'm so fed up. Plus hormonal, no sleep, house is a wreck (he doesn't clean or do shit when skids are here) dealing with a colicky just sucks.

MEL1297's picture

Typically he's very career oriented and earning income is very important to him. But when it comes to the skids he's disney dad and has to be in their face doing activities with them 24/7. So when it comes to them, yes typical behavior.

Yes he pays cs but it's an agreement themselves not thru the state. He told bm he has to lower it due to no income

tessa12's picture

It will likely take him at least a few months to find a position, depending upon what he does for a living now, of course. He doesn't have to START working NOW. Send out resumes, network, LOOK to see what's out there.

tessa12's picture

I don't think I share a "thought process" with your BM. I'm a lawyer; it took me 2 months to find a new job -- send out resumes, wait for an HR person to review them, initial interview, second interview, and third interview, and the wait time between these. Check references, background check, etc.

hereiam's picture

Oh my God, how irresponsible.

He needs to suck it up and man up. Had he not gotten laid off, he would be working all summer, anyway, what's the difference? Seriously, he needs to grow up. I would be pissed, too.

MEL1297's picture

That's a good point. I don't think he's depressed? I mean, the new baby is extremely stressful but I'm the one who primarily cares for her. I know he loved his job (worked from home 5x a week) so could be that he doesn't want to go back to reality of having a real commute, getting dressed for work every day, that type of thing.

MEL1297's picture

Believe me, if he gets this job offer and pulls this not starting til end of August stuff, I'll lose it

MEL1297's picture

Unfortunately yes...when the skids are gone, he's great. But when they're here he's on top of them and nothing else. Laundry piled everywhere, shit all over counters and tables, you get the idea. So I let the housework sit I'm not their maid.

SecondGeneration's picture

Oh hell no. This may have been a situation that could have been alright before you two had a baby together.
You really need to have a sit down with him and bring him back into reality, HIS children are not the only children in the household, you now have a baby together and as such he needs to be providing for his children, his wife and his new baby.
If he is not working then he can not be taking his children out to the cinema, mini golf or any other extra activity that has a price tag attached, he will have to start taking them to the park (without buying drinks and ice cream) or find other things that are free and get his ass back into work.

YOU have just had a baby, you are on maternity leave, you need to concentrate on you and your baby. It is not fair, and certainly not right for your husband, who is supposed to be your partner in life and who is supposed to love honour and cherish you to demand for you in your first months with the new baby that you are financially responsible for him and his children who he brought into this world before you.
Now whether or not he has said that is irrelevent, fact is without him working the household expenses are having to come out of what you are getting.

I have to bite my tongue with the depression talk because sorry Im not buying it, it is simply a case that is is easier and more convenient for him to wait to go back to work when the skids are back to school, he can even blag it as "oh honey if im around the house im helping you too".

But seriously, you are not in the wrong here he is massively in the wrong so go grab him by the bollocks and make him man up and be a proper husband to you and a father that provides both for the skids and the new baby.

zerostepdrama's picture


Sorry that is all I got... I really feel for ya...

I'm too selfish to support a grown man....

What does he do all day???

Orange County Ca's picture

Keeping your legs crossed probably won't work because I suspect you're already doing that what with a newborn and all that goes with that.

Everybody seems to agree he's a class A asshole but what nobody has suggested anything that will actually help. Plus he's not doing any of the housework and being out of work and you with the baby he should be doing ALL of it.

And that's my suggestion. Go on strike. Don't do anything except care for yourself and the baby. No food shipping or preparation, no laundry, nothing except for you and the baby. Don't wash dishes, not even the ones you use - when they're all dirty just wash the one you want to use right now. Tell him when he starts work you'll do the same.

MamaFox's picture

Why isn't he at least on unemployment? If he was laied off, no reason not to be. That's what unemployment is for...

MEL1297's picture

Thanks all. Part of the reason he's acting like this is that he is already getting good leads on jobs, so he feels he can pick and choose and take his time. We also have a considerable savings, investments, plus unemployment as he was laid off. So we aren't struggling (But he is very cost conscious when it comes to spending..except when it comes to skids activities..) I feel like he's not taking his situation seriously and putting it on hold because of skids visits is dangerous. I've discussed the urgency to interview with him but he's not worried and very lax about everything...regarding the new baby, he's wonderful when it's just us, but when skids are here, they are #1 priority..