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Languages of Love

SMof2Girls's picture

I picked up this book today, because honestly, it's about time.

DH "loves" me with gifts. Even when I don't want them. Even when I'm stressed about finances, savings, upcoming big purchases, etc. We have debt to pay off. We have house renovations that NEED to be done. We have a lot of travel planned for this year.

And he buys me over $300 of "stuff" for my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful. I appreciate that he means well. Which is exactly why it makes me feel like shit for being secretly angry that he's blowing this money on crap I don't need.

I've NEVER been the type to want elaborate, fancy things. I refused to let him buy me an engagement ring. I wear a plain, gold wedding band. I drive a car that's almost 10 years old. We live in a modest house with a nice piece of property. It's frustrating to me that he looks at my life and thinks I'd be happier with stuff. We've had this conversation so many times, and it just doesn't sink in.

It's like, as long as he's happy with the gifts he bought me, there's nothing I can really say except thank you. Anything else makes me an ungrateful b*tch.

For instance, he's got these big plans to take the skids to SeaWorld & Aquatica in April .. those tickets will easily run over $300. I just think that's money better spent .. or shoot .. put $300 on that credit card balance that's been hanging out for months ..

Idk .. maybe I am just ungrateful. End rant/

SMof2Girls's picture

Yes, I know. The only thing I know for certain is that "gifts" is NOT my love language. And that it most likely is his.

This will hopefully be an eye-opening, learning experience for both of us!

SMof2Girls's picture

We do have a budget, which is part of DH's argument. He has his share of bills, and I have mine. How we choose to spend our own free/extra money is up to us.

I KNOW it's not my place to micro-manage him and his extra money. Our bills DO get paid. I think I would just prefer him to spend the money on something other than stuff for me.

It's usually stuff I don't need or won't use .. I just don't value unnecessary possessions .. they have little sentimental value to me. So while I have no place to tell him how to spend his money, I just wish he'd LISTEN to me when I say I don't want him to spend it on this crap for me. Give me the cash .. and I'll spend it how I want.

At the end of the day, it means more to me for him to lighten a financial burden down the road (trip expenses, debt, savings, etc) than it does to have presents to open on my birthday.

fedup13's picture

I have tried and tried to find a way to communicate the importance of this to my DH and I have not found a way to make it stick either.

fedup13's picture

I have read the book. My dominant language is physical touch and my next highest is acts of service. Both of which, are not how my husband expresses love. He used to be very affectionate, but that went out the window after he had me hooked, and acts of service, I may as well forget it. I would rather be patted on the back and him help fold the laundry than get a gift any day. He doesn't do that either. He used to write me love notes a lot, but that too never happens anymore. His language is words of affirmation, he has no problem saying I love you, but he does not show it most of the time. I think that it is very important to be in tune with and respect each others love languages and if it does not happen things are pretty grim.