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detached from stepkids

beckys5555's picture

I am a step mom to 2 almost preteens. Been in their lives since they were 3&5. We have had some wonderful memories together as a family and I really feel grateful for the situation as I have had friends tell me the horror stories of step families and went through a pretty rough split w family w my own parents...but in the last year or so I feel detached from my husbands kids. I find myself not being around when they are or not going the extra mile to make fun plans or extra special gifts on their birthdays x mas ect. I mean I still do and I love them and am very kind and loving but I feel I've stepped back a little. They of course have grown and have their own little personalities and did nothing wrong I just don't know why I just feel I want more alone time w my husband and think alot about having our own. We don't have any yet but talk about it in the near future. I almost feel badly about my feelings on how i use to almost be obsessed w these kids acting as if they were my kids doing everything possible and taking off extra days of work my own family and friend time to see them to now not caring how much I see them. They seriously are good kids, could it be the want for my own make me not want to have such attachment? Does anyone else feel or felt this way?

still learning's picture

~I shipped him off to boarding school

I did this so many times in my mind...

still learning's picture

This is normal even with your "own" children. It may be that they are also pulling away and detaching from you/dh/bm. Kids become more distant when they approach their teens, friends and activities become of most importance. Sometimes you just get tired of being mom and just want to be yourself again. It's an exhausting all consuming job. If/when you have your own bio children there will be times you may not like them and need a break from them as well.