Deadbeat Custodial Mom
So I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years.. we have a daughter together, and I have a 13 year old daughter that he has adopted. We have an amazing relationship. He has two boys, 9 & 8 who we have every other weekend, every school break, every summer from the day they get out of school until the day before they go back to school. My problem is the mom is seriously a crazy psycho deadbeat. The boys grandma has the boys the majority of the time they are with her, Their mother may have them a total of MAYBE 3 nights a week. She goes out drinking/ partying EVERY weekend. (She’s like 32) she has another new guy that is already staying at her house and she’s taking them to stay at his house, ( her ex boyfriend just moved out 3 months ago.) we honestly rarely ever deal with their mother for exchanges because their grandmother has them ALL the time. We have had discussions with the grandmother who tells us she knows the boys would be better off with us but she’s not going to tell their mother this and she doesn’t want to lose “her boys” . As a mother, who my whole life is dedicated to my girls, how does she not want to spend weekends with her kids? Ever? When the boys were here this summer, they had been here for 8 weeks straight, their grandma wanted to have them for a weekend to take them to her other grandaughters birthday party. They went with the grandma, they saw their mom for 10 minutes, and she left because she “ of course made other plans with her friends” AFTER 8 weeks! Spent 10 minutes with them. Then the boys were back with us for another 4 weeks before school started. But acts like on Facebook she’s the best mom ever, but Instagram shows her real life of partying. By the end of the summer the boys were so much more well behaved. They had stopped back talking and having kicking screaming spitting meltdowns. They had stopped compulsively lying about everything. They started having table manners and manners in public and respect for others and things. Now we get them back on the weekends and it’s like we have to start all over. The boys are both in therapy every two weeks. They are both on medication now for ADHD, and the oldest is also on zanax for anxiety... they both constantly are in trouble at school. My girls - no meds, no therapy, seriously teachers favorite students. I know the boys would be better with us. Last weekend she was supposed to pick up the boys from our house ( which is 2 hours away from their house where they live with her) she was supposed to pick them up at 5 on a Sunday night (school night) at 5:00 we had the boys dressed and ready waiting for her to go home, we asked where she was , at this time she told us she wouldn’t be here until around 10pm.... ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. TWO HOURS FROM THEIR HOME. She had been in Dallas the whole weekend with her new boyfriend that we haven’t met yet, and I guess just decided that she had more important things to do than come pick her kids up at a decent hour. and so she proceeds to FaceTime the kids and talk to them belligerently , so we knew she was drunk. When the time came for her to pick them up we had a sheriff here waiting and told her we weren’t waking the boys up and putting the boys in the car to drive through the mountains so late until they both passed a breathalyzer. NOPE! They REFUSED to take a breathalyzer and got in the car and left. My husband had to take the kids two hours to school the next morning. The next day of course she was texting my husband saying she wasn’t drunk, she just wasn’t playing his games. PS this is the 3rd time over the years we had a suspicion she was drunk at pickup, one time went to jail with a dwi. For whatever reaason the sheriff said this time he could tell she was intoxicated but he wasn’t sure he could get a dwi on her new boyfriend who was driving but he had admitted to having been drinking and also refused a breathalyzer, plus this is the first time we met him. We went to. Court after the first two times of her showing up drunk, and apparently she hired some big time attorney and he judge already knew he wasn’t turning over custody before we even went in. We know the boys would be better off with us, but afraid of losing in court again. Need suggestions on How to handle her never having her kids, bringing all kinds of men in their lives , being drunk around them, how to handle the boys when they come here out of control when I know it’s not their fault but also can’t let them be heathens, how to not have hatred towards her for the mess we have to try to fix when we have the boys..