Child support question.....
We have been told by my sd14 that her bm doesnt buy her anything she needs, and she doesnt feed her and no clean or new clothes blah blah blah etc etc etc....and we also have heard bm is back to snorting coke. BM recently took sd14 back to her house cause she is mad at me (gee I thought you said you wanted your kid to straighten out, no pot, no porn, no sex and go to school....?) anyway, we are not getting the brat back or fighting for her, she wants to be a loser like her mother, so be it. Good riddance! Anyway my question is about the child support, can we request that the money go directly to the sd14? Me and DH would rather have sd14 smoke it up, than her mother snort it up, if you follow me. Has anyone ever had the money go directly to an account only for the kid? I live in Illinois.....thanks!
No there is nothing you can
No there is nothing you can do to control where the money goes or how it's spent. i have the right to spend the cs on smokes, booze and pretty nails if I were so inclined unfortunately there are a lot of BM's who are so inclined and add drugs on top. you could look into a modification if it would lower cs, and give sd the difference, but if she's living full time with BM that isn't likely the case. Tell sd to go complain to BM to spend the cs on her like she should (at 14 she's probably mouthy enough to do it) or she's full of it BM is feeding and clothing but wants more $ and is using sd to manipulate for more.
Nope. No way to make that
Nope. No way to make that happen that I am aware of. The $ goes to BM until the kid ages out from under the CO. In our case from age 18-22 my Skid gets the CS directly sent to him by his SpermIdiot if he is a full time college student in good accademic standing.
You are better off getting the Skid back and letting BM pay you at least until the Skid turns 18. Try military school if you don't want her at home. Let BM's CS pay for part of it. And if it turns out for the best the kid will have a chance at viable adulthood.
Good luck.
Oh holy Hell...NO a child
Oh holy Hell...NO a child cannot be the direct recipient of child support. And I agree with Echo above, someone needs to step up and be a parent to this girl.
We had a similar thing happen with stepdevil14. She got caught while at mom's having sex and such at age 13. DH was going to go after full custody of her to "straighten her out" and BM would have nothing of it. Can't say she stepped up and parented her because stepdevil ended up staying at her place 100% but DH hasn't simply washed his hands of her either. He has tried and tried but won't force SD to come over either.
I can't tell him what to do, as you can't tell yours what to do with his own kid either. But this kid will likely end up pregnant, on drugs, whoring around school/neighborhood, dropping out of school or whatever if her dad simply leaves her and doesn't care anymore.
@RedWings We know she will
@RedWings We know she will end up messed up. We are certain of it. But I cant and wont tell him what to do anymore. I have disengaged since her mother took her first week of May. She gets high, has sex with random people (boys n girls mind you) at school, doesnt go to class, doesnt do homework...blah blah blah, did I mention the porn site she has catering to older men? well, we are done. He doesnt want to deal with this crap and I dont blame him, and I'm not engaging.
This whole thing with her mother started when, my DH sat down and had "the talk" with his daughter. She has been so mad at him for leaving her mother when she was 8, and he basically took off with his own parents for a new start in Texas. He called her and brought her on trips down to stay with them at breaks. but as time passed and she grew she became poisoned by her druggie mother and all the crap she told her about him. anyway, he decided she was old enough to hear all the "stuff" that happened. (gee maybe it was the video of herself masterbating for an old man that gave him the idea his 14 yr old could handle the truth about her own parents and start to heal from some of it and change the path she is headed down....?) he told her the truth about her mother and the drugs and the other men etc etc etc. and the BM didnt like it and denied everything and after some other crazy shit SHE brought on, BM took his daughter......and is now poisoning sd14 with lies again about all of us....
So I cant tell him what to do anymore. i know what is right and I agree with you and Echo, but not my kid...I honestly cant blame him for walking away...
Yep, you're not to blame
Yep, you're not to blame here, but daddy and mommy are 100%. If daddy feels he's done all he can do and is washing his hands of his kid, then so be it.
I'm frankly glad that DH and SD have pretty much zero contact. He'll still text her every other week saying he loves and misses her, he'll still send birthday and christmas cards and still has the right to see her according to their new parenting plan. But, that being said, she doesn't DESERVE him! She's been nothing short of hateful, spiteful and horrid throughout almost our entire relationship.
Of course, she doesn't have the issues your SD does, but I could see it happening while she stays at BM's since BM wants to be the 'cool' mom and let her do whatever she wants. Oh well. Not my problem.
@Echo Yes. He walked away
@Echo Yes. He walked away from his kid. He tried, we tried.
Not my kid, not my problem is my new motto. Sure, he can go after her in court and all that crap, but he doesnt want to. he doesnt want to deal with any of their crap anymore. like your quote, if its important you'll find a way....well she's just not important to him anymore.
What other excuses can I make up for him? Im just the stepmom, but i was there, i lived the last several months through hell for that kid, I think the only thing missing when I "outed" her secret life was human trafficking and selling nuclear arms..... but all the other big stuff was there. and sd14 wants that life. how much energy, money, love and police reports have to be sucked out of us before we throw in the towel and not be criticized for it?
I get ostracized for not
I get ostracized for not stepping up and insisting my DH get custody of SD12 too, so don't worry about it too much. If DH would stop being a Disney Dad and actually PARENTED his kids, MAYBE I'd consider saving SD from the gates of BM hell. But since we have SS20 in our home, living off us, being a living, breathing piece of shit on a bed with an Xbox remote, the answer is NO. SD will not EVER live in my house.
Sometimes, no matter what you do, these kids are already molded into whatever their molded to and nothing we do can fix them, so it's whatever as far as I'm concerned. Does it make me sad for my DH? Yes. Does it make me sad enough to tie a cape on my back and swoop in and rescue the Skids? Nope.
i love that image, i wore
i love that image, i wore that cape while sd14 was here and i did it all for her. dh didnt do much and just let me be a parent to her. he works a lot, sometimes nites and that was his excuse, and i feel bad he doesnt have more time or energy to be more engaged, but he has disconnected from her and her mothers shit a long time ago. well. excuses no more! i'll never tie that cape back on for sd14!! thank you!
That's where we are too Echo.
That's where we are too Echo. he cuts the check and wherever it goes, it goes. BM text DH last week talking about she didn't have the money to register SD for school next year. Finally, fucking FINALLY, after almost 13 years, this man said "Well, I give you 200.00 a week in CS and you have a job, so I can't tell you how to budget your money but I can tell you that I can't help you with that SORRY."
She had a titi fit!
Unfreaking - that's awesome
Unfreaking - that's awesome he finally stood up for himself and said basically, fuck you BM.
That's great!
And yes, there's only so much you can do as a stepmom/partner to a man with his own problems with his kids.
I've done all I can do. DH has done all he can do. I'm done 100% with stepdevil14.
thanks all for your words of
thanks all for your words of encouragement and challenge. i dont know what i would do without this site over the last few weeks, reading the good and the bad, being held accountable and being told to walk away. you are all so helpful getting through this stuff!
That's what we are all here
That's what we are all here for honey