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Calling Steps/Bios what is the “NORMAL” age for kids to start pulling away from parents

Sarahsteal's picture

Ok I'm NOT talking about the stage 10 disney daddy clingers who at 24 still need to sit next to daddy. I'm trying to figure out if SS13 is going to be one of these. Or the rare kid that at age 5 could completely Entertain themselves.

I Realize kids meet Certain milestones at different times BUT there must be a general age that NORMAL kids hit. 

So I'm looking for a General pole of when NORMAL kids start to pull away from mommy/daddy. When they start Preferring to hang out with friends rather than parents. When they like alone time in their room and don't have to know where parents are 24/7

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'd say when kids hit middle school is when they start pulling away from parents to some degree. Might be a bit younger if they have been involved in activities that let them interact with other kids frequently or a little older if parents have sheltered them.

AshMar654's picture

Middle school here. I think that is normal. I want to say that is about when I started. I will say beware of the major attitude shift change with some kids.

tog redux's picture

Usually by 14 or 15 at the latest, for boys. Some 13-year-old boys look like they are 8 and others look 17. It really depends a lot on puberty.

SeeYouNever's picture

About 10 is normal. If they are still clingy by the time they hit their teens then they're behind the curve and emotionally stunted or insecure.

justmakingthebest's picture

Middle school was the big turning point for both of my kids. I would say they were stage 5 clingers for a while- DH would agree. We went through a lot in their young lives. They saw me in an abusive 2nd marriage. We had to flee in the night from that. It was pretty horrible. HOWEVER, I have raised my kids to be strong and independent. 

5th grade for my daughter was when she started to prefer her friends for the weekends instead of me. My son was 6th grade. Both of them started spending more time in their rooms, with friends, on the phone, etc in middle school. 

Picardy III's picture

Pulling away from parents normally starts around age 11, I'd say, and gets strongest by about age 15.

Rags's picture

Every day kids gain capability and independence.

Wuality parents want their children to gain in capability and independence in order for the kids to have quality lives as independent viable adults.

Thisisnotus's picture

These days (and not because of Covid)things are so different because hanging out with friends means often virtually......

as far as literally pulling away from parents....I'd say when they get a drivers license (or friends with them) and the freedoms that comes with that.....for normal kids that is 15.5 in my state....but for a lot of skids that could be 25!!!

none of my 3 teens are clingers....and are all very independent.

my teen skids are the opposite of my clingers.....SD17 only pulled away when she got a license and a boyfriend......

The_Upgrade's picture

My 2 1/2 year old goes to her room to sleep at night. If she wakes before me she plays quietly in there until I come get her. If I'm really lazy I'll fix her breakfast and leave her to eat in the dining/entertainment area and go back to bed for another hour. She hated cuddles as a baby and is getting better at hugs now she's a little girl but I think I just got one of the weird ones that aren't clingy. Used to upset me when I saw other mums cuddling their bubs but now I just appreciate what I've got.

Rags's picture

My SS was like your DD in many ways.  He was quiet, self entertaining, and pretty much was no difficulty at all ... at least until he got into his pre-teens and then later teens.   Ultimately he was a well behaved kid and is an admirable adult.

He enjoyed cuddles but was not high maintenance at all from what I can remember.

He was a fun kid and pretty much just was a pleasure to parent and spend time with... for the most part. 

missginger's picture

Well in my case my SD16 would be more indepenedent if DH would let her. I swear he still freaks out if she goes upstairs for a while after dinner if he's downstairs watching tv. He expects her to sit with hi/us. He literally said to me last night when I ran upstairs for something " Is she still in the bathroom?" after we had finished eating. Yes DH she is and you will live if shes up there for another 5 minutes! Ive started calling him out on him trying to have her tethered to him the whole time she is her. Its really just his way of trying to kepep her from becoming indepenedent of him.