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WTF is wrong with this brat??! Lastest issue..Was I wrong in what I did??

Sarahsteal's picture

So SS13 takes a break from playing Video games to eat baked ziti I made. SS13 sits on the couch next to my pillow. SS13 starts eating the baked ziti with his fingers which has red tomato sauce. I KNOW better to say anything to him as he would give me lip. So I get up and walk over and take my pillow so it won't get covered in red sauce. SS13 Immediately loudly says I'm rude to take the pillow because he was using it. I told him he could go get his own pillow because I don't want my covered in sauce because he's eating with his fingers. We went back and forth arguing till SS told me to shut up and that he has a fork and threatened me with it. SS then sat on the couch and Pouted and refused to eat. 

DH was sitting on the couch next to SS the WHOLE time this was going on and never really said anything to SS except use a towel which SS refused. 
 

I know how this is going to play out. DH will wait till I'm not around to talk to SS about this. SS will blame me saying it's my fault because I took away the pillow he was using and refuse to apologize for what he said to me and that will be the end of it.

Thoughts? 
 

 

 

 

Lifesahellofaride's picture

Don't be too hard on yourself, I put up with s*** treatment from my SO and SK's longer than I should have. 

It was posting on this blog that really helped me see more clearly that I was in a miserable situation, that likely would not get better because my SO refuses to parent well. 

Your SO and your SS sound reallllly disrespectful. It really isn't fair that you are treated with such disregard. I hope your SO can get his head out of his a** or you go onto find your happiness away from them. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your SS threatened you with a fork and told you to shut up and your DH did nothing? My thought would be that your DH is not much of a man or a husband and I wonder why you think you deserve to be treated with such disrespect by the two men in your life? What are you getting out of this relationship? Does DH bring enough positive into your life to off set the negative of his son?

At the least you need to completely disengage from your SS. That means no cooking, cleaning or laundry. Anything he needs, he gets from DH. At the most, please consider getting some therapy for yourself to help you figure out why you are willing to live with such disrespect.

And if your SS raised the fork in a threatening manner - that is criminal behavior.

Alapheria's picture

Threaten me with a fork?! I'll threaten you with prison. DH lets his little shit threaten me at all with no repercussions?! Divorce papers and restraining order on him and his psychotic offspring.

strugglingSM's picture

Your SS sounds like a spoiled, entitled brat. That would be the last time he'd be eating any food I made or sitting on my couch. Isn't your DH embarrassed by his child?

strugglingSM's picture

One of my SSs does that. DH sort of acts the same way, but has also told me that sometimes he wishes the kid would just stop coming over.

ITB2012's picture

DS was more worried about pissing off me and XH and not being allowed back to that pissed off parents house. 

And your DH just sat there? I'm surprised you had enough control to only remove the pillow and not ream new holes in both of them. 

Winterglow's picture

Have you told him what a turn off it is watching him grovel to a child? What kind of a parent lets his offspring threaten an adult without even reacting? Does he understand that HE and his absence of parenting created this monster?

ndc's picture

The problem here is your DH.  He's a worthless parent who doesn't have enough respect for you to demand that his spawn show you respect.  It is almost unbelievable that this happened while your DH was in the same room and he did nothing about it.  SMH.

Kes's picture

You and SS13 are in a power struggle in which he appears to have the support of his father. 

Rags's picture

When he threatened you with the fork you should have kicked his ass out of your house. If daddy said a word, he goes to. If the kid bows up on you call the cops. If he attacks, you take the fork and use it on him.

You do realize that your POS SO raised this toxic failed family coupling refuse.  He sat there and watched while his toxic POS kid disrespected you and threatened you.

If we had pulled that kind of shit with our mom she would have beat us soundly. When dad got home, our lives would have forever been changed... if anyone had ever found our bodies.  Doing that crap in front of dad... not good.  USMC dad would have made it painfully clear that we were never to threaten his wife.

DH needs to grow some balls and come down on this POS kid like a ton of crap in a 1Lb bag.

 

 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

It's funny you mention the videos, I showed those to SO and said that's how real parents do it!!! 

Powerfamily's picture

Why are you staying with your husband,  Is the thought being single so much worse then staying in this marriage with a man who allows his son to treat you with such disrepect,  and not to mention his own lack of respect towards you.

You need to seriously think about you own future and whether you stay him and what behaviour YOU are prepared to accept towards YOU.    As much as YOU may want your husband to change YOU can't make him, but YOU can change your response towards the both of them.   

 

Lifesahellofaride's picture

This is solid advice. I need to re-read this myself when my SO tries to talk me into working out our relationship. I've stayed away almost a week because of great advice I've received on this blog. 

People have to want to change, and 9 times out of 10 they don't want to. So, you can change the outcome and run like hell from misery. 

Jojo4124's picture

I just got out n filed divorce begining of Sept. My stbx is hoovering me but I come on here n read my own posts n others' posts to remind myself how he actually doesn't respect me, and that just doesn't change on a dime.  The emotions are hard when you remember the good times. This I learned is called cognitive dissonance...part of you knows he is horrible, then part of you thinks he is a good guy.

I look at my situation in terms of him being an abuser...he lied, cheated, disrespected me, etc. All abuse starts with the other person not respecting you in their heart. I don't think ppl just stop disrespecting others all of a sudden.

Seriously, real, healthy men would put an IMMEDIATE STOP to any disrespect of us from their kids. Because they don't stop their kids they agree with the kid disrespecting us, which means they don't respect us enough to stand up for us and shut their brats down. 

So many men are trembling in their shoes that their disrespectful, abusive, psycho, user, etc kids will cut them off n never talk to them. So what? Please go! There is a facebook group about horrible children...many brave parents go no contact with their abusive, awful kids. Rational people cut off toxic people once they see the toxic ways. Why is it hard to cut off abusive ppl for some of us...whether a kid, a parent,  a boss, a pastor, etc etc In no way am I blaming the victim...it takes 7 tries for a woman to get away from an abuser. They make it hard. But I am thinking with a child it might not be as hard, they are your spawn, not an equal adult if that makes sense 

Anyways, if you want support as you have left, I'd love that too. I wonder if there is a postt for those who recently got away...left the sh!t show?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Leave. Just make a plan, and get away from these people. Nothing about this is remotely functional or acceptable. These people are straight up TRASH.

JoyW40's picture

Sorry I've only ever posted once on this forum. I am addicted to all the drama on here. But it appears to me a lot of "adults" in here are being held hostage by kids and POS partners. I understand some of you are not in a financially good place to leave. But for those who can, don't put up with this behaviour.  I would tell the kid to eat at the table, use a fork. .he's not an animal. Then if he gives you lip, take the food off him and tell him sorry you can go without. If hubby throws a stink, tell him to grow up and act like a parent and if he can't ..walk away.  Living in fear of upsetting your partner, or upsetting the kid is enabling the behaviour you're being subject to. Break the cycle. What is the worse that is going to happen? You have to start over? Is it really going to be worse than what you're dealing with now?  

Movingonisbest's picture

You should keep posting. I think your insight could be beneficial to others. One of the best pieces of advice I got on here is that my now ex was the problem. A lot of these men aren't innocent at all. They should clean their lives up before dating or getting married and if they can't, stay single.

tog redux's picture

What the heck? I think I'd be menacing DH with a fork to make him parent. 
 

Since DH won't do it, either leave or make SS's life hell so he refuses to come back. Your DH is a lousy father and a lousy partner. He's ruining his child's life and making you miserable because he can't deal with his own anxiety. 

Jojo4124's picture

By 23 yo ss for telling his 23 yo sister to clean up after herself. He texted his dad calling me names and threatened that "there'd be a problem " if I "disrespected " his sister again. 

We have filed for divorce.....for mannnny reasons, but I refuse to live in an environment where I am threatened by a dingbat who could be dangerous (he does fentynol and had loaded guns in the house when we got back from vaca and he is currently being investigated for participating potentially in a SC murder.

You have to feel safe in your own home. Your ss learned he got away with threatening you and so he will continue to do so in the future. Audio or video tape interactions with him. Get him into counseling now if you can to learn healthy ways to deal with anger. He is a wife beater in the makings.

And these husbands who excuse these psycho behaviors are actually helping these kids/child adult in my case, to become monsters who think they can get what they want using threats. I would take this very seriously!

Maybe call the domestic violence hotline and see what they think about it to gain more validation.

You should feel safe in your own home. With the attitude your ss has, he won't respect your things either...

Rags's picture

Your stuff is not worth  your life.  Hopefully the SS-23 will be in prison soon and you can make  your exit cleanly and safely.

Do not risk your safety for belongings.  Things are replacable.  You are not.

I am so sorry you have been wrapped up in this toxic, dangerous, shallow, and polluted gene pool.

BethAnne's picture

If it were me I would have taken the boy's food away, thrown it out and told him to make his own dinner if he was going to be so disrespectful. I might do the same for my husband if he sat there doing nothing to correct the appauling behavior of his child. 

Stop cooking for these disgusting men who are happy to treat you like shit and threaten physical attacks on you while you run around for them. Use your free time to work out how to get yourself some therapy or how to leave your husband.

hereiam's picture

Thoughts?

Well, I seriously don't understand situations like this. This is your home. Eating baked ziti, with ones fingers, in the living room, on the couch? Oh my God, the wrath that would have rained down had this happened in my house.

I didn't allow my SD to eat anything, anywhere except in the kitchen. Once, when I was not home, DH thought he was being the cool dad and let SD eat a sucker in the living room. Seems innocent, right? A sucker. She (me) would never know, right? Hahahahaha!

When I came home, guess what I discovered? Purple shards of grape sucker stuck in my carpet. DH realized that I was not trying to be a controlling bitch but I know that ANY food leaves something behind, especially when eaten by a kid.

I won't even get into the sass and threatening you with a fork, and your husband not doing a damn thing, because frankly, again, I don't understand why someone would put up with that.

Maybe I am a bitch.

Lifesahellofaride's picture

You're not being a bitch by trying to keep your house nice and expecting kids to eat in the kitchen or dining room. 

I make my bio-son eat at the table also. I don't want my carpets stained from food being spilled. 

I gave up trying to get SK's to not leave their food wrappers and pop cans strewn all over the house. SO just picked it all up eventually. 

I live in my own house again with my bio because I couldn't take it anymore. Crap parenting just doesn't go over well with me. 

I feel badly for the original poster. The SS threatening with a fork is insane and he is a brat and the husband should come down on his child like donkey kong for speaking to an adult that way, especially a SM. 

tfsimmons's picture

Ugh... This POS is only 13 - what do you imagine will happen next?  Your husband magically wakes up and becomes a father and your partner?  Or - you wake up - especially after reading post after post here on StepTalk - and realize you are in a Dead End.  I believe this forum is designed to HELP women find the courage within themselves to STOP being the toilet paper for every asshole who shits on them!!  Only you can make the decision to change your environment but our stories are here to assure you that you are not alone and that it's not OK to accept this shit in place of a life you love.  Make an appointment with a Lawyer and look at places you can afford to live. Protect yourself at all costs.  God Bless.

thiscantbenormal's picture

My SS was 13 when he was being disrespectful and made a threatening gesture with his fork towards DH at the dinner table.  DH led him outside and had him sit in a patio chair while we ate dinner.  BM doesn't believe in discipline and consequences so any parenting is regarded as abuse so she told everyone including CPS that DH literally tossed SS out the door to land in dog poop.

I'm thankful I haven't seen my psychotic SS in 2 years.  I thought I could cope with his words and actions but I'm for certain I have some degree of PTSD from it.

OP, you don't have to live this way and I hope you find the strength to leave.

Newuser333's picture

I was in this same type of situation with my ex girlfriend and her pos 9yr old son. I've spent more money on this kid than my own daughters. Picked him up from school every day. Put him to bed while she was at work etc. He was the most disrespectful kid I've ever met. He would tell me to "shut the hell up, I'm not listening to you, you're not my dad, I don't have to do this or that" when asked to stop doing certain things in MY home, that I payed all the bills for.

He even told me to suck a d*ck one night (in front of my 7yo daughter who doesnt even know what that is). And when i told his mom she found a way to blame me saying i wasnt respecting his space (he told me to get out of his room, in my house that i pay the bills for, because I was telling him to stop doing something). She literally came home from work that night and held him like a baby while he watched her phone, while being mad at me. It was sick.

I would buy food he wanted (like chips, nutella, etc) and he would literally tell me and my kids we couldn't eat them because they were his. The food that I bought with my own money!! And would have a TOTAL meltdown when i still did. One night he screamed at the top of his lungs for me to turn off a preview I was watching because he didn't like it while his mom was sitting right there and did absolutely nothing except say "eat your food sweetie". I was SO close to losing it. She treated him like her mini husband and allowed him to disrespect me in every way imaginable. He told me one time he was going to shoot me with my own gun and she didnt bat an eye. I looked at her and said you're going to let him talk like this, and she got mad at ME for taking him seriously.. 

Well about two weeks later he had another disrespectful episode towards me and when I called her out for letting him disrespect me without saying ANYTHING to him she got SO mad at me, and thats where everything went black and i blew thru the roof. I told her my daughters would never in a million years talk to her or treat her the way her son does to me, and if they did it would be hell!! I told her if she wont discipline her son when he talks to me the way he does (which was multiple times on a daily basis) then she can pack her things and get the fuck out. 

She left instantly and i never heard from her sense. My home is now calm and peaceful again, and my daughters are happy hes gone.

Rags's picture

As hard as I know the end of a relationship is, the lack of respect that your X and her kid had for you, your family,  your home and the relationship tells exactly where the problem lies.  Your XGF is destined to be her toxic failed family progeny's suck ass worshipper and anyone who takes her on is an idiot.  Hopefully, her future victims learn as quickly as you did and they cut them loose as you did.

You did the right thing for yourself and for your kids. Any parent who jusifies vitriol, disrespect, and profanity directed at their SO by their kid is a POS.  A POS begets bigger and more stench filled pieces of shit.  Good riddance to them both.

My applause and respect to you on not tolerating your X and her crap.

Clapping

Yahoo

 

Lifesahellofaride's picture

I don't blame you in the slightest for ending that craziness. That child is going to end up in jail and not be able to hold down a job, because his mom is an enabler! 

I don't understand why parents don't realize that we are not supposed to be our child's friend. I am supposed to raise my son to be a well-rounded, respectful individual, so that he can be a productive member of society. That's what I do. 

My soon-to-be XH let his 2 boys talk to me terribly and disrespect both of us. I tried talking to him over and over and he refused to hear me. He just admitted he doesn't "discipline well. 

I don't think people should have kids if they cannot take on an authorative role. It's insane and no partner will ever want to stay with a SO that let's their kids act like entitled, wild animals. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Stop cooking for him. If he is eating, he needs to eat at the table. No food in den, bedroom, etc. I found ants in SD10 room and flat out told her it was disgusting. When she (rarely) asks now to take food upstairs, I remind her had ants because she was so gross.