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Book Recommendations?

dotherighthing's picture

I'm going to start reading some books on step parenting in the hopes of developing new insight and hopefully better coping strategies. I've read a lot of good discussion here about the book Stepmonster and I definitely plan to order that one.

Any other top book recommendations on step parenting or on marriage/relationships in general?

aggravated1's picture

I liked "The Love Dare" that was featured in the movie Fireproof. It doesn't address step-parenting, but it has some really good ideas on marriage and love and doing things for your spouse with no expectation of return.

PoisonApples's picture

7 worst things parents do

It isn't specifically about 'coping strategies' but they fall out of the topics discussed.

LizGrace65's picture

Just downloaded samples of the first two to my Kindle. I've been looking for anything that focuses on how an individual can take responsibility for their own role and be as centered as possible in it despite the inevitable ups and downs of life and of relating to another person. (I tend to be a "reactor" whose emotional state is too dependent on how things are going at the moment.)

Thanks for the tips...


aggravated1's picture

That is kind of what the "Love Dare" is about. It makes you do these exercises daily for your spouse that they may not even recognize or appreciate, but you are still to do them. It helps you control your own behaviors and find the love within yourself for this person, regardless of whether they even notice or care.

dotherighthing's picture

Thanks for the good recommendations so far and keep them coming Smile I've got until December before ss14 comes again. I'll need the heavy duty reading material in the meantime.

stepmasochist's picture

If you have a lot of problems with the ex - "Divorce Poison" is a good one.

Also, "How to talk so children will listen and how to listen so children will talk" or something like that. That was very helpful. I need to reread that one and brush up on it.

Persephone's picture

Divorce Poison is excellent even if you do not deal with the overt symptoms of PAS.. We are all guilty of naive alienation-- to an extent... the book not only helps with ex's, it helped with my own & Dh's behaviors.

another good book:
Assertive Discipline for Parents: A Proven, Step-by-Step Approach to Solving Everyday Behavior Problems by Lee Canter.

When I employed many of the strategies my kids thought I went nuts... Instead of lecturing to pick up blah blah blah... I learned to point and say --coat, backpack, dirty dish, etc... they don't hear the other fifty words anyway, so why waste them. It was much like training a dog. the other strategies like it makes me happy when you... I would like it if you... instead of you didn't or you needed to phrases... where no brainers but very effective.

Persephone's picture

When I got the book, my DH rolled his eyes and said are you looking for a book that validates your anger? I told him he was half right: I was looking for a book that validates what I think is going on in our house. I highlighted and book marked so many pages.. he did read from it--not the whole the book. He read articles I emailed to him... He became a believer when I could predict behavioral patterns and the manipulative outcomes.

Now, he uses PAS as an excuse for the SKIDS. :?

LizGrace65's picture

Love & Respect...

When I first read this thread I swear somebody recommended Love & Respect. It was one of the two I downloaded to my Kindle. Is it up there and I'm missing it? Did I imagine that?

Regardless - I have been reading Love & Respect. And despite the fact that I don't follow organized religion of any kind and this book was written by a minister and refers to the Bible heavily, this book is resonating with me.

Even SO, who is so *not* into pop psych, self help, reliance on counseling, etc., responded very positively to some of the things I quoted to him from the book.

Just wanted to give positive feedback on it....


SammyJo58's picture

I read the book "Step Wars" and got a lot from it - although it deals with adult step-children, a lot of what is discussed pertains to step-parenting in general for all ages. It also writes from both the perspective of the step-parent, but also the step-child.