BM Strikes Again! Health Insurance -Yes or No?
So BM calls DH today and asks him about his Health insurance. She wanted to know if he and I were on same Insurance plan. (We aren't as it was more cost effective to stay on our own health policies). She then says she thinks her insurance is about to get really expensive and that she may even be about to be laid off early next year and she wanted to know if her random seed can go on his insurance if either thing happens. He calls me and asked if he should just offer to pay the co-pays or the difference of the increase in the kid portion of health insurance from what it is now to whatever it may go to. I told him no and we'd discuss it when he gets home. Right now this is all speculation until she knows her insurance costs and job status.
Summary of history: BM has her Masters (thanks to DH working 3 jobs to put her through school) and based on her taxes, she's made roughly $65-85K a year which is a good living in the Southeast. (She may make more or less now as that was few years ago last time DH saw a tax return though she was in that range their whole 7 yrs of marriage). Anyway, she has always looked down on DH for being 'blue collar' and has never hesitated to be arrogant about her big house or cars or her trips. Yet she's always hollering poor mouth and asking for money. Now it's insurance!
Remember, this is NOT his kid so there's formal support orders or visitation schedule. The divorce decree specifies that she can never ask for child support but DH is such a wimp that she didn't need to. Until recently he was handing over a couple hundred per month for this or that. Last Month I finally had to put my foot down after calculating that she'd been given $1300+ in 3 month period but had asked for a total of $2200 in that time! It was the last chunk for a new bedroom suite for SS that I said enough is enough. He finally agreed! (Amazing).
I find it hilarious now that Miss high and Mighty is wanting to rely on old 'lower level blue collar' to give her brat insurance! It's not happening. She will have to look at other options or maybe even his real Father if she needs that much help for him. I'm happy DH didn't immediately agree and has said he does not think he'll be doing it at all which is a far cry from his former positions of "anything for that kid". Progress...
Boy, she is milking this.
Boy, she is milking this.
If this isn't his child and
If this isn't his child and he isn't married to the child's bioparent, I don't think he CAN cover the kid.
My goodness--covering a
My goodness--covering a STEPKID until 26?? No way... It's a wonder anyone bothers to get married anymore with so many laws that make it difficult!
Good grief... DH has told me
Good grief...
DH has told me a short bit ago. He said he wasn't giving her any money nor helping with insurance. He said he'll continue paying what we already pay such as lunch, school supplies, clothes, etc but that he won't get himself into a situation where he's giving her anything monthly. So maybe he's really getting it...
Ha newwife3, I suggest she do
Ha newwife3, I suggest she do everything with the boy with his real father! Lol But according to her, the real father doesn't know and will never know the boy exists. I can't say I believe this. The Real Father's Mother found out about the boy so why wouldn't she have told her son? Wildebeest claims the Mother and her son fell out and they don't talk so she hasn't told him about the son he has. I don't buy it. Wouldn't surprise me if she was getting support from the dude or under the table money if he was married too. Who knows...
Update: full details after we
Update: full details after we talked last night. Her insurance is about to increase by $52 per pay period. Tough sh*t. And she had the nerve to say if he couldn't cover him then perhaps he could help her out by giving her a flat sum of $300 per month!! OH HELL NO!! That IS child Support! His ass ever think about doing that I'm out of here as that'd be fraud. We discussed in length before marriage the whole child support thing. Once I learned the kid wasn't even his I really wanted to know what their arrangements and agreements were because there were some things I know I couldn't live with in a case like this. There were none except she couldn't formally come after support. That part was a big factor in deciding to move forward in the relationship because it indicated that though he was being the Father to this kid, he had it in perspective and on his terms.
I made it clear to him I had no interest in marrying someone and having LESS income as a result of it. I was fine financially before him and planned to remain that way. We both discussed the cases of people we know who are always in and out of courts because Ex's and baby "mommas" always wanting more money and how stressful that was. He agreed and assured that he'd never pay her support; that what he was doing was enough. Yet for particularly the last 2 we've been married, he's catered to and given in time and again to her requests, to this kid, for everything from keeping him for weeks on end to paying for so much stuff on a regular basis that amounts to probably more than child support! Not much at all has been on "his terms"- it's all her calling the shots. We nearly split as a result of that plus other things related to it and all the resentment that built up. I told him I could respect a man with the heart to take on another man's kid but that I could not respect a man who also allowed himself to be cuckolded by the Mother (and the kid) and didn't stand up for himself. This is where I was at-- at the point of having no respect for my own husband.
After that blow up and my disengagement in late June, he has made some changes and is not acting like a puppy dog at least now. He's declined some of her requests and has not been pushing and running to go get the kid all the time now. But this is a new one and I'm not saying anything more about it. I'm going to sit back and watch and see what he does, how he opts to handle this. If he opts to give her the money, I opt to leave as that's a change of terms in my eyes. It would indicate he's still more invested in his past than his future. It would indicate there's never going to be a healthy balance or end to the requests. It would indicate time for me to move on. We shall see...
My husband is an ass just
My husband is an ass just like yours. before I got together with him he used to give baby momma money too, i think even paid for her cellphone bills and shit. Took her on "family" vacations when he took the skid to the shore, he took her too. I saw a "family" portrait of him, the skid and baby momma LONg after him and her broke up. (they were never married)...WTF was wrong with him??? paying for the HEROIN ADDICTED BABY MOMMA to go to the fucking SHORE for a week......for a kid she doesn't raise or pay ANY child support for???(we have skid 24/7, good god!) The kid has ALL KINDS of developmental problems including but not limited to autism, prolly got all that from her drug abuse.....it's like "golden vagina" syndrome or something.......but YOUR hubby is giving money to an ex for a KID that he KNOWS isn't his???? I don't get that one bit. I don't think this skid living in my house is biologically related to my husband either, not with that druggy mom he was with for 2 mos and she says i'm pregnant.....kid looks ZERO like my husband, not ONE trait the same in them....prolly why I can't stand him!!!
Put your foot down and keep it down on this one, he aint covering her crotch dropping that isn't even his bio kid, and like a poster above said: i don't think he CAN cover him legally anyway!
In the State of NC where they
In the State of NC where they live (and we did too until his job transferred us 4hrs away to SC in April) he is still considered the legal parent -no contesting as she acknowledged it readily but he never changed birth certificate or legally removed paternity -the dummy. Her real goal is the $300 a month though; her insurance quest was just a set-up b/c due to being in different States, she knew he couldn't put him on it before she even asked. She knew he'd have to decline that so her next thing- the real goal she wanted- was to say "oh, well then how about $300 a month to help me pay for the increase?" That's how manipulative she is. If it's going up $104 per month, why would she need $300? Some of it would be for HER insurance too, not just the kids.
I'm not saying anything else to him about this; like I said, I'm watching and waiting to see what he will do on his own. I do not desire to manage his life or tell him what to do. He's a grown man and if he makes the decision to do this, then I make mine.
Right after he and I met in August of 2008, he took the skid to beach (where we live now ironically) for about 5 days on vacation. We'd literally met the week before so we talked on phone just a couple of times that week and I didn't know his situation. AFTER we moved here and skid was here visiting, he recognized the Aquarium & docks as we passed it and said "Da'e, remember you and me and my mom came here and went on that boat?" Yeah...that's how and when I learned Wildebeest had been on that trip too when. Smh. Pathetic.
Yep! I worked as an insurance
Yep! I worked as an insurance director for 4 years before I took my most recent job. If this child is not his, he is NOT allowed to cover him on his insurance. A legal dependent child = a birth child, legally adopted child, legal foster child, or legal stepchild (meaning he is still married to the mother). Outside of that, he would be guilty of insurance fraud. That makes it really easy for you!
Uhh...let me get this cleared
Uhh...let me get this cleared up here...this kid is not his? This kid has no blood relation to him ? Yet he's giving her money for a kid that's not his? Did legally adopt this kid or something? I need to go back and read your blog! Clearly she just uses "this kid" to stay in your DH's life...she's out of control and he needs smacked! There's no way...