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Will I Ever Have a Holiday Without This D*mn Kid Around!?

WTHDISUF's picture

Was just informed by the lovely DH that his Un-Son brat is going to be accompanying us on Christmas at my families house...for the 5th year in a Row. I keep wondering if just once, the Wildebeest would say "no, I'd like some Holiday memories with my child". I mean a picture, a dinner memory, something! But nope, she's perfectly content to send her little Oopsie along with her Ex-Husband who's not his Bio-Father and his StepMom (stupid old me). I would feel awkward to send my kid off to be with some other Woman's family (DH has no family) on major holidays.

I asked him last night if he should offer to let him stay with her this time around since she never has him on holidays. Of course he said "No, this is what happens when kids are in split-up families". I said "no, the parents normally alternate or split the day at least vs sending kid off at 7a every holiday & not seeing him again for days and days". He had no response. She sends him off with us on EVERY Holiday from Christmas all the way to damn Cinco de Mayo. It's enough that he's coming back home with us for the whole week after Christmas. I am just tired of not ever having a holiday without this kid lurking around, wanting, begging, whining.

From the first year we've dated, she sent him at 3 yrs old off with us *and he barely knew me at that time. Then DH sits around catering to and watching him because the brat has burned his bridges with my nieces, nephews and cousins because he brags and is very selfish. So no one plays with him and he has to sit up under (or on) DH and the adults have to whisper, watch our language and such to try to have discussions around his nosy ass. I finally had enough of that on Thanksgiving and sent him out of the main room and into Den with the other kids. Not going to cater my whole family to him!

I'm not fooling with this kid on New Years. If DH wants to be with him, he can do it elsewhere. Would love a family picture without a miscellaneous kid in it... Rant over.

TASHA1983's picture

I don't know how you put up with that girl!!! I couldn't and sure wouldn't!!! BF would have two options, holidays with skid and NO me or holidays without skid but WITH me. There is no way in hell I am or would ever spend a day that is supposed to be a day to relax and enjoy yourself with someone that I don't want to be around. PERIOD.

WTHDISUF's picture

I should steal your Quote.. but mine would say "NOT my kid...NOT my problem! NOT Your kid, NOT your problem!" Lol

Clearly An Upgrade's picture

Seriously. That is a really bizarre setup. Why is your DH so smitten with this kid?

WTHDISUF's picture

2 Things: 1- He's my Husband, not Boyfriend so we spend every holiday together as a married couple should. 2- It's not his son. It's the product of his Ex-Wife's affair. You'd have to read other posts to get the whole story but the post above does explain that which makes it a whole different situation than if it were his own flesh and blood.

StickAFork's picture

Reading this, I am ever so grateful my DH has a bigger heart than you appear to have.

My SD (from XH) was in high school when DH and I married/moved in together. SD had lived with XH and I for many years as we were primary placement since last elementary school, and the first 1/2 year after our split, she lived with XH. Then she moved in with me. Her mother was in another state, too.

My Sd lived with DH and I until she moved out. (Another couple of years.) She is now 22. She, for all intents and purposes, is treated as "family" by all of us. Matter of fact, I usually fly her out here to spend Thanksgiving with us. She joined us out of state for my DH's family reunion. (Did you catch that? HIS family reunion.)
She vacations with us...will be flying her out to meet us in February for our Vegas trip, and then fly her out for my DS18's graduation, and then she will travel with us on the vacation we're taking immediately afterward.

DH "shares" his wife with this "non-step kid." Routinely. He shares his vacations, family pictures, holidays, etc. He accepts that *I* count her as part of *my* family. He has even offered to pay for her college.

I treasure my DH. He has a big heart and isn't a selfish man.

There is a lot available to you in the world if you are willing to open yourself to it...

WTHDISUF's picture

My heart is wide open. My patience and understanding-yes, if you have doubts of anything, feel free to doubt those. Smile

You're reading a snippet of a big story. Every situation is different and this one would be tolerable were it not for the Wildebeest. If it were just the kid, I'd deal with it. We had the skid so much over the past 2 years that I even told DH that we should just raise the boy and leave the IT out of it. She's the trouble and she's teaching her kid to be the same way so the older he gets the more manipulative, entitled and pissy he gets. Even if he were the best kid in the world, I have every right to feel like not having him around EVERY SINGLE Holiday, every Year. Kid goes on Vacations with us, we pay for a lot of his needs & wants, make sure he has a good life when he's with us so not wanting him around on Every holiday does not make a dark heart.

I am glad it seems your situations have all worked out beautifully. I had a good stepparenting situation before so maybe one day I'll have a nice Brady-bunch flow too one day. Right now though, not so much. I'm also glad your situation with a child it sounds like you mostly raised with the BioFather, without the interference of the bio-Mother and who was practically grown when she came to live with you worked out. Maybe when skid is post HS, can take care of himself, doesn't need a Sitter, can get himself around & knows how to wipe his butt, I'll be a little more pliable. Your DH sounds wonderful indeed and nice of him to embrace your XH daughter. Though I must ponder: If you had a kid by someone else during your marriage to him, would he embrace it as his own, take it on vacation, send it to College? Likewise, if he were to bring in a little kid (say 4, like my skid was when I came around) of his Ex that's not his and the EX is an able-bodied Hell on Wheels and asked you to help him raise it, wonder how big your heart would be...

StickAFork's picture

The sins of the parents don't affect my love for the children, IMO.

"All" of my situations haven't worked out beautifully... my current one has its struggles.

My SD came to live with XH and I at 12. She spent 2/3 of her life in her mother's primary care, and 1/3 in ours. If you think *for a second* the BM was not an issue all those years, you would be mistaken.

Shrug. I happen to think your DH has more integrity and better character than you. HE accepts this child and HE was the one who was cheated on. All you have to do is "share."

WTHDISUF's picture

I don't care about the sins; I don't care about the sharing. I do care about the HOW the sharing is done, how it's changed, how it can be reconciled and balanced. If I don't want to share every Holiday with this kid, that's okay. My Husband can go be with him elsewhere on some Holidays if he wants to; I don't mind that. See, I can share. Wink

Considering the nature and purpose of the Forum, I figured you were here for some issues or another though I've just not seen any of them mentioned; only the comments of the problems with what others share. Maybe it's that you handle them all so well that you never have to vent and never feel any dark way about your situation. I sincerely admire such grace and maturity; maybe one day I'll be able to do the same. I'm a lowly human though, damned my luck!

While I appreciate your commentary & assessment of my heart, integrity & character for not wanting to share every iota of my life with this kid, shrug. Have a good night!

WTHDISUF's picture

Good news: Out of the blue tonight while riding home after we did some last minute Christmas shopping, DH said he thought about it and skid should "Spend some time with his damn Mom for Christmas for a change" so we're not picking him up first thing in the morning but instead in the evening on the way home!! YEEEEESSSSS! I know it's just a few hours and I still have the whole rest of the week to deal with him BUT those are the first few hours in 4 years that I'm going to see my family for an event Without this kid! Now that we don't live near the family anymore, the time is even more precious and it was hard to have quality time with the lurker standing around seeking attention and pouting. Best yet, there's no explaining to infrequent visitors about "who's kid is that" and then watching the puzzled looks. Lol Small victories. I'll take them!

WTHDISUF's picture

I've gotten to the point that I don't explain; I say "long story" and they get the hint to move on from the question. Most of my family know the story & they don't ask but if someone visits who haven't been to the house in a while, they ask. They (and lots of others) ask because skid and DH are two different races. Not biracial, two separate altogether races. And silly enough, DH and the Wildebeest didn't tell the kid when he was younger so since around age of 6 (he's about to turn 9) he's been asking how/why they have different color skin. So it's hard to answer without sharing details that make my DH look like a Saint and a Schmuck and hard to answer b/c the kid is always lurking nearby & it'd expose the secret. smh...

nelly's picture

My daughters father also has a "faux" son with his ex, the whole situation is's also hilarious that after he pays for this fake kid, there is not shit left for his daughter...He also hit me when I called the boy his mini wife, cuz they actlike their I packed me and our daughter up and left ....So funnyhow proud he is of a product of another mans sperm...

WTHDISUF's picture

I wondered what happened to you after the last post I read (I took a little hiatus from the board due to heavy workload). But I'm sure glad to hear you moved on-abuse is awful in any form! I've had to remind DH that one day this child is going to learn he's not his Father and he's going to have deal with the possibility that the kid may separate from him. Suddenly all the reasons he's a different race and all the lies he and the Wildebeest have told the boy both outright and by proxy about his parentage will be revealed. So acting like this child is the end-all was unhealthy whether I was in the picture or not. Slowly over the past 3 months, I'm seeing some progress in that he's starting to understand that with this child about to turn 9 next month, he's not going to be fooled much longer. So he's actually not being as gungho as he's been about him. Or maybe that it was the Wildebeest finally got on his nerves after trying to milk over $3K out of us this Summer for various things. I think he's had enough to a degree. Maybe there's hope for balance again after all!
Again, glad you got out of your marriage with your infant. Sounds like you will be much better off without him.

TASHA1983's picture

Good is bad enough that you have to deal with a kid that isn't even a legit skid but DH actually forks over money to this bitch that he doesn't even have to give her???!!! WOW!!! :jawdrop: :sick:

Lord have mercy on my man if he EVER gave another woman money for a kid that wasn't his or in our case if he gave BM a red cent more than the CO CS he has to pay cuz I sure as hell wouldn't!!! }:)