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Being the other wife

jojo68's picture

Being second ro a mini wife really sucks. DH is always broke because (I don't exactly how much) but I think he is giving in excess of $200 a week to his DD18. I pay all the bills out of my check with the exception of his car payment, groceries and SD18 insurance. She asks and he gives...no matter what the cost or how broke he is all the time. She has no job and no intention of getting one. He doesn't care he just keeps giving her anything her heart desires. Even said this weekend that he needs to start going taking her to lunch and start doing father/daughter stuff more often. I honestly thinks he doesn't realize she's grown. I don't think he ever will.

I have very little money left over for anything I need after bills. Yesterday I went with him to buy some new work boots. I have a heel spur and use orthotic insoles to manage it and I needed some new insoles. They have the ones I use at the store we were at so I grabbed a set for $22. When he saw me pick them up he asked "so are you paying for those? I don't have much money" I was kinda suprised. He has never really done that before. He's never questioned anything I bought and I never asked about how he spends his paycheck. Guess he is spending a lot more on DD18 these days and he doesn't have anything left. I should be used to it because it has always and will always be the same.

I understand that you help your kids until they can stand on their own two feet but this absolutely ridiculous! I don't know how long I can take all this crap. If he is going to give his paycheck away then he is not contributing to the household and that is messed up. I don't understand how he can do that and not think a damn thing is wrong. Oh yeah and he makes more money than me.

 

beebeel's picture

Time to sit down with the budget and tell him he either starts pulling his weight, or you start pulling out your finances -- which are subsidizing his enabling.

secret's picture

I think it was just because you guys went for HIM to purchase something.... so maybe he knew he had enough for his boots, but that's it... so maybe he was worried that you'd put your boots on his tab and just pay him later...

I would just say, that it's none of his business what you spend your money on, just like you don't say anything that he's always broke because he's blowing tons on his daughter... that you haven't ever said a word about how the both of you are financially strapped because he gives her his money instead of putting it into the household like normal married people... lol

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You need to stop enabling the enabling. 

Recalibrate your household finances so that your H is responsible for half. Quit financing your own martyrdom.

Survivingstephell's picture

Seperate your money from his.  After this, I might take a few months off and put my money in the bank and let him pay all the bills.  You need a nest egg to escape with.  No telling how much longer you can stand this.