Absolutely no way could I live in that situation.

I want to say DH is NOT just a every other weekend dad. He has this little bastard every other weekend, two days a week multiple holidays and three full weeks during the summer.

=========================

Not much more than EOW.  Many parents who do not see their kids much will try to accomodate them. 

In my situation DH is NOT blind to his shitty kids actions. He is 100% on board. Honestly for a couple years I made excuses for SD's actions and benahviors and tried to see the good in her while he was like "Yup, my kid is an asshole, what can I do, I do everything I can to show her love, stability and how a parent should act and she is an asshole" he has made it clear to everyone including school adminstration that he doesn't trust SD nor does he think she is a good person.

I consider myself fairly lucky to have a man who is not blinded by his kids actions.

We also stopped taking SD on vacations, it is not mandatory and she ruins everything.

My DH isn't blinded he is just too lazy to do anything. Add that to being a guilty daddy and being afraid of upsetting skids and being fearful of BM.......it's a recipe for disaster.

I can't imagine he doesn't see it. He just chooses not to parent and in the process he makes you miserable. It's hard to believe he doesn't recognize on some level that he's ruining the kid, too.

Lucky for me, DH is willing to discipline his kids. He didn't do enough parenting before I came into the picture, and sometimes it takes prompting, but he'll do it. The reason he wouldn't do it on his own is because he thinks "parenting" is being "mean."  I don't know how these men think raising an entitled kid who is unprepared for the real world isn't more "mean" than raising them right, but many don't get it.

I couldn't live with your situation. I hope your DH comes to his senses and grows a backbone where his kid is concerned.

Not all men refuse to parent their kids.  But yours sure is! I wouldn't stay with him in that situation. 

Your DH is doing a craptastic job of preparing that little snot for the real world. Doesn’t want to do the report the boss asks for? Throw a fit. Get fired. Doesn’t feel like paying bills? Utilities shut off and he’s in your basement. Etc. 

Unlivable as far as I’m concerned. 

damn and would ask way most step moms are ... weak?

I aways talk about situations where the tail is wagging the dog and this is for sure just that and looks just as silly.  I am not trying to hurt your feelings, rather trying to get across to you just how out of whack this is.

The foundation of a home of the husband and wife.  There is a reason kids need discipline because otherwise they are clueless. What you need to do is have a conversation with your husband not to ask him anything but to let him know that you are getting your household in order and setting the foundation upon which it should be built, straight.  The TWO of you establish household rules and then have a meeting to to let him and any other kids know that things are a changin...

Let him (them) know the rules and the repercussions and move forward.  Get your household in order.

Your H is not blind this is sh!tty @ss parenting with no regard to your status in the home. You have allowed him to continue with this f@ckery time and time again. When are you going to put your foot down and shut this mess down? How are you in a marriage where his son DICTATES everything? Does he dictate when you are intimate with your H as well? This is crazy right here!

Holy Dumpster Fire Batman! How have you not completely unleashed on your DH or SS? I just can’t imagine a life dictated by a horribly behaved child. Maybe it’s ultimatum time. Let DH know your quality of life is being greatly compromised just to appease this kid and that you will not play second fiddle to a child any longer. Like another poster said, this is the tail wagging the dog. It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to get yourself financially prepared to leave if the ultimatum doesn’t go in your favor. And if DH chooses his monster child over you, look at it like a blessing. You will be free from the insanity. 

My exSD wasn’t even this bad but I still left because it was progressively getting worse. Tantrums, screaming in her dad’s face, stealing from dad, lying, completely unsanitary. I cut my loses after 5 years. And although I still harbor some resentment (break up wasn’t that long ago), removing myself and my kids from such a toxic situation felt sooooo liberating. My home life is so peaceful. I’ve been able to focus more on my home and career. And never having to anticipate another tantrum, crap smear on the toilet or fake emergency phone call ever again, is priceless. You can’t put a price on peace. 

I decide what to watch on my TV, holiday itineraries (although I learned that lesson and refuse to take skids anywhere ever again) what we have for dinner because guess what? I buy the food and cook it.

I wouldn't put up with swearing, hitting or screaming from any child. If I were you, I would knock DH and his kid into next week. There would be a day of reckoning, a bloody armageddon. How and why do you endure this? Surely no man is worth this much stress and strife.The stepson as the circus ringmaster of your home and life?!! Jesus, you're living in the twilight zone.

My DH is not blind to skid bad behaviour and certainly addresses it. It sounds like Pandora is well and truly out of the box in your home. An angry, spoilt and entitled child setting the agenda? God no.

What a little punk ass bitch. My approach may sound harsh, but I think it would knock his ass into place. . I would record him when he acts that way and show it to him so he can see what an idiot he looks like. If he continues to act like a punk or doesn't see anything wrong with the behavior,  tell him your putting it on FB and/or YT so other people can see what he acts like, too. And hell, go ahead and do it. And let him read the comments. 

Not just BioDads. Most breeders are blind to the feral behavior of their spawn.  The ones who recognize it usually fix it.

Interestingly, those who are blind to the feral bullshit of their own children are often quite sensitive to feral crap in the spawn of others.

Your partner tells ss, he chucks a hissy fit and doesn’t approve and hubby cancels. Know what you do? You go and invite a friend or family member for company. Let hubby know life goes on without their hissyfits.

in my world i do not answer to ss, he is 21 and a guest in our home when not at university so world does not revolve around him. If we have plans (me and hubby) with our toddlers for say a romantic hotel getaway and as usual it’s beneath ss to give us a heads up he will be home, guess what? Our plans do not change.

few months ago we had booked a nice weekend getaway at a hotel for the long weekend. Ss comes home friday and hubby said ok but the next day we would be going to a hotel for a mini vacation. Ss actually demanded hubby drive an hour away to home, to pick him up, drop him off at uni 1.5 hrs away and spend another hour to drive to the hotel. So approx 3.5 hrs he wanted hubby to play taxi when ss has been capable of using uber

now when you’ve planned a romantic getaway with your wife hoping there will be sex and romance, you do not want to be a taxi for ss21 just so he can feel in power treating his busy dad like a taxi

hubby said no he would catch an uber and at the most he could follow us to the hotel and get lunch and  book uber from their to his uni. Ss proceeded to tell his dad repeatedly no can you just pick me up. Hubby said he wouldn’t waste an hour to drive home because ss is being lazy to arrange an uber ride himself and it was a waste of petrol and unnecessary

now had this been several minths prior disney dad would have played taxi and would have come to the hotel expecting sex and romance but he’d get jackshit

Your husband isn't thinking about what his household looks like from outside -- to him, the kid isn't calling all the shots. To your husband, every skid request is decided on whether it's possible, not whether it's right or an inconvenience to others or even a good idea. If it's possible to meet the kid's demand, he's going straight to "yes" without considering anything beyond whether it's possible.

To him, it's not "giving in" to the skid because he's used to turning his life around so SS can get what he wants and he's used to being inconvenienced to make it happen for SS. You must make him see YOUR needs must now be considered too before he says "yes" to SS. This is a good time to explain that you aren't willing to be the skid's doormat just because Dad is willing to be the kid's doormat.

In my marriage, I started to connect the dots for my husband: "You said SD could borrow your car because you just assumed you could then borrow mine. But I need my car to do XYZ, so now you must call back SD and tell her 'no.'"

The rule we began (with help from a therapist) is that no matter what skid asks for, the response from my husband is ALWAYS: "Let me talk to Marblefawn and get back to you." That gives me a chance to put on the brakes if it's an unreasonable demand that affects me, but it also isn't saying "no" to a skid who isn't used to hearing it from a man who isn't used to saying it. THIS WORKS if you can make it happen.