Frustrated with lack of gratitude. SS19
Hello, I'm hoping for advice on how to "let it go".
My stepson was raised by his father from age 3-12 with virtually no help or visits with mom. He was a selfless father, in my opinion.
I know that my entry into their lives when he was 12 was a great upheaval, and I don't blame SS for being unhappy with it. I did my best, but there were tensions with SS's eating disorder, and we just didn't speak the same love language. At all.
Now that he's 18, he's out of the house and spending all free time with mother, who was essentially absent for the last 6 years I've been around. She was neglectful when he was an infant, never paid child support, generally sucky. I understand why he wants to have a relationship with her despite her considerable shortcomings. I don't care about them spending time together despite the fact that I think that mother genuinely does not deserve the pleasure of having an adult relationship with a kid she didn't raise.
What I DO *hate* is that my SS has not spent any time with his dad since he left the house the night he graduated high school. He's good for advice and money and a car, but when it comes to holidays and weekends, mom gets his time. This infuriates me. My husband deserves SO much better. Franly, so does my stepson. He is transitioning from female to male, and his mother refuses to call him by his chosen name. (Yes, he has been to therapy, yes we have been fully supportive, and regardless of how you feel about transitioning kids it is a fact that disrespecting it is an excellent way to get your kid to commit suicide.)
I'd love to tell this boy how neglectful and utterly uninterested she was as a parent, but I know that will cause damage. I want to force him to see how MUCH his father has done for him over the years. I am SO ANGRY.
My husband doesn't seem to be hurt, simply saying "he'll figure it out". So why does this bother my so much? It's taking everything I have not to "educate" this stepson of mine about how to act like a decent human being.
Please help. I don't want this to strain my relationship with my husband.