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My Stepson has gone through an instantanious change...for the worse!

ms.sunchine1978's picture

I don't know where to begin. New to the boards, and I don't normally go to places like this, but I need to vent and perhaps find some advice :(.....

My husband and I were married last November, but I have been in my stepsons life since he was 2. He is currently transitioning into the 5 year old category but something as changed.

Recently (this June to be exact), my husband and I decided that it would be best to move to the province where my stepson lives to be closer to him and have more access rights....this went off rather well considering my stepsons bio-mother is, for lack of a better word, nuts!

Anyway, my stepson and I have always gotten along. He tells people I am his "other" mom when biomom is not around, which I always found really nice. And frankly, I had it good for a while....until recently.

Somehow, someway....the tables turned. He won't look me in the eyes anymore. He won't speak directly to me, but rather asks his father to ask me things. He gives me major atitude and is very VERY rude!

See, I'm "trying" to be a writer, so I have taken some time off of work to do so and I have been at home since we moved. It works out well because my stepson is home for the summer and will only start school in the fall. So for the weeks that he is here....I take care of him and we do things together....but now he refuses to do anything but watch TV.

He won't play with me, doesn't want to draw or paint, won't even swim in the pool....it's always "I'm going to wait for Dad to finish work" or "I miss mommy and I want to go to mommy's house".....It's never been like this before and I'm confused. My normally sweet-tempered, polite and lovable stepson has turned into someone completely different.

And apparently it's not only with me....we've been maid aware by Bio-Mom that he SPIT in her face last week :(.....

What do I do?!

I don't know what I'd do if it got so out of hand that he spit in my face :(.....

My husband and I have tried everything, but nothing is working.

Any suggestions or insights?

Thank you.

stepmomma00's picture

i couldnt believe it when i was reading this...im in the same boat. my ss will be 5 in january, and like you, i understand that kids go through phases, but lately this is NOT normal kid behavoir at any age. i too started dating fh when he had just turned 2, so im all he has ever known his daddy to be with. he used to be the most polite and generous kid i know. he would love on me, and sit next to me...but within the last couple of months, he is rude, bossy, stingy with his sister (sd9), and demands things ALL the time. he has also started biting his nails?? he gets mad so easy now, and almost acts paranoid and just frustrated all the time. used to he would go upstairs and play with his toys alone, now he wont even think about going up there. he follows fh around EVERYWHERE, and cant do anything alone. his babysitter even said he wasnt acting right, and he used to be one of the best behaved kids there. also bm has noticed it. i just dont understand where all this is coming from? its so bad that we can all be watching tv, and if fh gets up to use the bathroom or get something from another room, its "where ya goin daddy?" "why?" or "what are you doing that for?"...then jumps up to trail right behind him....im lost ....

stepmomma00's picture

one thing i did think of was that he is old enough now to see alot that he didnt notice before..(mommy and daddy-wise). and it may frustrate him to bounce around from house to house as much as he does causing him to be emotionally unstable with the situation. he is never in one place long enough to get a routine in his daily life, especially since the rules and activites are totally different from his mothers house.

Orange County Ca's picture

Puberty is a very complex time of life for a kid but spitting is pretty drastic. If he does it to you the reaction from you and his father should be equally drastic. Fortunately you have time to prepare and discuss it with Dad.

Suggest to the bio-parents that they get a drug kit by Googling "home drug kit". I think some are anonymous that is to say they can be used without the person being tested knowing that its happening. Do some research on that. Hopefully that problem can be eliminated.

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There's an exception to everything I say.

Everyones Interest's picture

I think it is waaay out there to say that a 5 year old sounds bi-polar. I don't even think it is possible to diagnose someone that young.

OC must not have read the original post carefully as I can't imagine testing a 5 year old for drugs.

To me it sounds like a 5 year old boy with anger issues and he doesn't know how to properly communicate (b/c he's 5) so he is acting out with all parents involved.

Perhaps taking him to a counselor to try to discover what could be causing the anger issues.

My SD, perfect angel when she's with us, used to regularily act out physically with her BM. Tantrums, kicking, biting, slapping. I have NEVER seen this girl raise her voice outside of laughter with us, let alone become violent.

She went to counseling. She has anger issues with her Mom. We never uncovered what those issues were b/c BM yanked her out of counseling when it was becoming apparent that SD's anger wasn't b/c of the divorce (which BM has banking on and used to guilt my FH). Personally I think it is b/c SD is so freakin' bored at her Mom's house. Being sat infront of a TV or computer every day all day would cause anger in me too!

Anyway...perhaps you should look into counseling...

Good luck!