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Am I Wrong?

OptimisticMe's picture

SD11 has a habit of taking things that are not hers and leaving them in her bedroom. Nail polish is the most frequent offense...and things like tape, scissors and flash lights.

I needed a beach towel and couldn't find one anywhere so I checked SD's room...she had three...no wonder there weren't any clean ones. Then I found two nail polishes that weren't hers hidden in her cabinet (I leave them in a bucket in my closet for her to use any time she wants...it is a community bucket. However, she keeps "hers" where only she can use it and steals some of "ours" from time to time). Then I find a spot light she isn't even allowed to use, orange tape to flag an electric fence (what would she need that for?), my lotion that she is allowed to use any time she wants (but NOT leave in her room), tape, 2 articles of clothing that I had just asked if she had (they were WAY too small for her and I was putting the small clothes away) and TWO OF MY CD's! She took my CDs out of their case and hid them in her room! That makes me irate! I am trying to make her dad handle things so I just told him that I expect her to be punished in a way that makes me feel he understands she shouldn't be taking my things without permission and leaving them in her room. She is already grounded for rebellion for three months so I don't know what her punishment will be...he says he yelled at her...should that be enough? I feel like SD gets her "own" things but anything that is "mine" is viewed as community property.

I talked to a friend (that doesn't have steps) and she laughed at me like I was an idiot to be upset about this. Am I being unreasonable? If my BD took my CDs without asking, I would be upset with her, too. I paid a lot of money for my CD collection...she wasn't "borrowing" it...she took it to keep as hers.

OptimisticMe's picture

Grounding is a long story...she was physical (rubbing upper thighs) with a "boyfriend" so she was no longer allowed to have boyfriends or text boys...she texted two photos of herself (saved them in her phone as girls). Then the grounding was extended when she opened a facebook page (she was no longer allowed to have one after friending adult strangers), blocked us so we couldn't find it, and she uploaded slutty photos. Had secret boyfriends, lied, etc. By the way, I don't agree with her phone or the first facebook...hubs gave both to her when I kicked him out for a couple months.

OptimisticMe's picture

Her phone was taken away...she was told it is now only to be used if she goes to a friends house (when un-grounded)...so we can call her. But the only people she is allowed to call/text are me and her dad. The grounding probably is excessive...we just can't get through to her. The computer is now password protected (although she set up the account at hub's parents' house). She is starting counseling again...hopefully that helps. I am about to pull my hair out. I am trying not to freak out like I used to...but I feel when I don't freak out, I get walked all over.

Maybe it is time to take the nail polish for a couple weeks? Chores are also a good idea...she has a few but hasn't been doing them lately...surprise, surprise.

Wish2Bdramafree's picture

Yikes! It seems almost like a passive aggressive attempt to show you "she wins." You are right to be angry- there's a clear line between borrowing and taking. Even if she's scatterbrained and forgets, it's disrespectful to bit put things that are not hers in places other than where they belong, especially considering your generosity with her to begin with. Time for DH to step in for sure- this is unacceptable.

hbell0428's picture

Ugh!! I would take rubbing upper thigh over what my fantastic SD now 14 was doing at that age!! You should hear what she's doing now!! We just nailed her windows shut so she can't get out (and YES we did go over and leave something in her room to break her window in case of any emergency) Anyway....I feel your pain on this; it's not so much what it is or what they borrow it's that they have and are not made to have respect for anything. They treat (at least my SD does) their stuff like crap so they treat yours like that as well. SD has the mentallity of a 5 year old and thinks her room is OFF limits to me..........ya right!! I have found everything and anything of mine in their and she knew I was looking for it!! This are the little things I bring up when DH wonders why I don't even say hi to the little brat!!