Am i going to be able to handle this??
I love my BF so much, but the BM is driving me crazy! She calls him everyday for no reason at all. Whether it be to bitch at him or cry or i think personally to make us all miserable.
Even if we dont have his son, she calls everyday. How can we get this to stop? Last night she called after 10:00pm, with this sultry voice, and everytime she leaves a message, she says, its important. Thank God my BF doesn't always answer to her each and every call.
What is she trying to do? What does she have to say everyday to him that is soo important? Why cant she speak her mind all in one call, and at least give us room to breathe?
Well, ya know what, even if she is calling to drive us crazy or make us argue, she's not doing such a good job at the arguing part. Because me and my bf make our night even better, in realizing thank God we have eachother, meaning 2 Sane people under the same roof.
I want to know if there is something that could be said to her and if would make a difference. Maybe we should record the messages and mail her the tape, showing her how outrageous she actually is. Yesterday she called him 10 times within one hour( before 8:00a.m.)btw. He was working and couldn't puck up the Phone. What the Hell? 10 times!!!:barf:
- Rose's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Has your BF
tried putting a stop to it? Had the same problem but had a sit down with my BF to let him know the list of reasons why that was inappropriate...he explained to BM that she should'nt be calling unless it had something to do with SD. BM was pissed...threw a tantrum for about a month but it did stop. It's time to lay down some boundaries. They're no longer together, no reason for the phone calls and definitely no reason to be calling @ 10pm. Like I explained it to BF...if she calls about SD she's being a BM but if she calls for advice and for favors other than anything having to do with SD she's become like the "other womam" and I didn't get in this relationship with 3 people...there should only be two plus ofcourse SD.
i SOMETIMES FEEL MARRIED TO A COUPLE... GRRRR
I have talked to him about it, and his statement is, "Its not that easy, if i dont talk to her things will get worse"
I say "GET WORSE??"
He does ignore the phn calls sometimes when he knows all she wants to do is argue. But i want the phn calls everyday to stop!
I think your right. She would probably throw a hissy fit for a while and do some messed up things, but what can she possibly do that she hasn't done already?
She'll have to get over it. I just hope she doesn't push me to the point where i will say something to her. because i have been dealing with it for a year now, and i am getting sick of it.
I finally got her to stop calling my phn, bcause everytime my BF didnt answer his phn the first time she would call my phn. I finally told her i didnt want to be involved in the drama and to leave me out of it. But i know its not that easy for him??
This really sucks!
Ofcourse it's not easy
for him but it's not easy for you either. BM did get upset and even said that she is not going anywhere no matter how hard we try. No one asked her to leave the picture just to have some respect for our relationship. That's all he was asking for but ofcourse she had to blow it up into something it wasn't...she yelled, kicked and screamed that he was trying to forget his old life and trying to pretend that he didnt have a kid cause he got a new GF. That's called a guilt trip...let BM guilt him all she wants...i'm sure your BF's heart is in the right place and he takes care of his child and its needs. There's nothing to feel guilty for..(i had to repeat that to BF a few times)..Basically the bottom line is if you can't live with it now...its' only going to get worse. Your QT should not be interrupted by another woman PERIOD...it's not about his child it's about garbage...you know what you can live with...it's your relationship..but just know the problem is not going to dissolve itself. Sometimes the DH's and the BF's believe it'll go away on it's own...they don't want to make any waves...IT'S NOT GOING TO GO AWAY ON IT'S OWN. As far as you having contact with BM on your own to get it to stop...I wouldn't attempt to do that. It will more than likely makes things worse. BM in my life doesn't have my phone number and doesn't have me and my BF's new address. He gets mail from her at his Mothers and she calls HIM not me. She's not my BM, she's his...and maybe if she were a reasonable person I'd say yeah but that is likely not the case.
I'd answer the phone myself
which probably is a bad idea.
Really your BF should deal with this, but I'd be batty enough to take matters into my own hands. I think I'd want her to be aware that I am there and that I don't like these phonecalls, but that could be playing into her hands and just make things worse.
How long has this been going on? Caribgirl is right, boundaries need to be set and enforced. I think for most people the hours between 8am and 10pm will suffice, 11am-10pm on weekends.
Talk to your BF about what boundaries are appropriate.
Its an ongoing problem
and i think that if i showed i cared, to her it would be like be turning to putty in her hands, i think this is what she wants.
Its not always about what time she calls, its about how many times she calls, although, she did call MY PHN before 8:00 in the am on a weekend once, i wanted to pull her hair out!!
Its like she doesn't even care that me and my son live with him! she doesn't care. She is unreasonable and unbearable! What a combination huh?
Welcome
to the crazy world of blended families!!
Whatever you do DON'T...
answer the phone. That will cause more drama than anything your BF could ever say to her.
My advice. Your BF should catch her on a day when they are getting along to discuss the inappropriate phone calls. I wouldn't make it about it disrupting his 'new relationship', make it just about him. He should tell her that he doesn't like talking to her ALL the time because it usually ends in an argument and he hates arguing with her. That's why he's not answering the phone. If she really needs to talk to him, she needs to leave a DETAILED message of her concerns and if he deems it important, he will return her call immediately. No more "it's important and you need to call back" because he won't call her back if that's the extent of the message. BF should express to her that he values any concern that she has, but he just can't handle the daily arguments.
My DH had a very similar conversation with BM and the constant phone calls stopped.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Colorado
great advice...
Very Good!!
I think that is excellent advise, and i am going to actually read this post to my BF to see if he bites. The only problem is finding the day that they are actually getting along, bcause lately it has been nothing but fights from her, and it makes him angry to even talk to her.
Very good advice!
Thnx
awesome advice GC
we are lucky to have you here!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Here's what I did.
When I first married my husband, we got all kinds of harassing phone calls. He stopped answering the phone and let her go to voice mail, thinking that he would just call her back if it was important. Well, that wasn't any better, because then she'd either keep calling back until we finally took the phone off the hook or she'd fill our answering machine tape with all kinds of foul language that the kids shouldn't even hear. So... I had our phone number changed to an unlisted one and didn't give her the number. That was five years ago and it's been a pleasant experience not having to deal with her calls myself or to have my children be exposed to them.
She has DH's cell phone number and our email address, so if she needs to get ahold of him, she can. The cell phone can be turned off or set to vibrate and then she doesn't have the power to interfere or interrupt our lives. He can either listen to her messages without any of the rest of us having to hear it. She was livid at first, which just increased the calls to his cell phone and also increased the number of hateful, hostile emails we got, but eventually she realized that we weren't going to take the bait and now she hardly contacts us at all. It's nice!
I wasn't going to do anything to prevent her or the kids from reaching DH, but that doesn't mean I have to allow her phone access to MY home where MY children answer the phone and where MY children hear her vicious voice mail messages. This way, DH deals with her (or not) at his leisure and the kids and I are off the hook. (No pun intended.)
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)