You are here

Am I the only SM who observes and wonders

Focused_onourlife's picture

If couples you see out in public are in a blended family situation? Not everywhere I go but in some situations. Like this evening, I stopped at publix to get a few items I needed for dinner. There was a couple in front of me entering the store with 2 small children (one child around 4ish and one infant around 8 months). The wife was holding the 4 y/o hand and the child was whinny as all get out but the wife didn't budge she lead the little girl, while walking at a steady pace slightly in front of the little girl while the HB pushed the infant in the cart but HB kept looking back at the little girl as if his preference was to switch places with his wife/SO and give the little girl some TLC.

I was in the same aisle as them a few times and each time the little girl was still whinning and calling "daddeeeee" but was now in the back of the cart. I got in line to checkout and they got in the next line over a few seconds later. The HB was still pushing the cart while the SO was loading the groceries from the cart and the little girl was now full blown crying daddeeee and snot nosed trying to climb towards daddeeee. Finally the HB made his way to the little girl stroking her hair and she climbed out of the cart onto daddeee so he picked her up and the SO just looked at HB and rolled her eyes and turned her back toward the whole cart. Of course since daddeee was now holding the little girl, she was suddenly happy. 

I had to take one last glance at the 2 kido's and noticed they looked nothing alike but the infant looked like SO with HB's hair and the little girl looked like neither. I felt so nosey and curious at the same time because of the way the little girl and SO behaved. I then started to wonder if that SO was a member of ST. 

Notup4it's picture

I have never thought this actually.  I always assume it is a nuclear family.... I have no idea why that hasn’t crossed my mind

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I do often wonder because of my own situation, but I dont think most people even consider it. Anytime me and DH are out with our kids, people will refer to me as SD's mom. They even do it at the school and doctor. We never correct them,  even though she doesn't call me mom.  Truthfully, DH and I just refer to all of them as our kids.  It will be interesting when our baby is born next month, as she is our first kid together.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Your feelings will change. You will be bonded with your baby and you will be that baby’s mother.

It’s normal and natural and how it’s supposed to be.

Nobody ASSumes I’m stepbrat’s mother. I think to anyone with eyeballs is obvious DD and DS are mine and SS isn’t.

rozzann's picture

I am the same as you.....anyone who looks at my stepbrat can tell she looks nothing like me.  In fact, thankfully, she looks exactly like her mother.  I am thankful for this so that my DD that DH and I have together, will not look very much like her.  Gives my DD a chance at school because they are POLAR opposites.  And anyone with eyeballs could very much see that my older DS and DD look NOTHING like stepbrat. Smile

susanm's picture

I notice it all the time but maybe that is just because of my own situation.  I think I must have had STEPMOTHER tattooed on my forehead or something.  Very rarely did anyone assume that the skids were mine.  I don't look that dissimilar than them but they were always so awkward around me and in such a loyalty bind with their mother that they did everything but hang a sign around their neck telling the world that they were only in my presence under protest.  Even the brattiest bio-teen has a familiarity with their mother while being a complete snot to her but not a skid who hates your existence.  So seeing the signs is pretty easy if you have lived them.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I guess it’s crossed my mind but I’m usually wondering what people think of my family when stepbrat is with us.

He doesn’t look like us and is dirty, unkempt and not attractive.

My kids with DH are completely different in personality/appearance and I wonder what people must think. They must be like WTF? Why are the younger ones well-groomed and say please and thank you and the much older one has a sour expression, is rude, entitled and demanding and snide?

 I try not to feel any shame; it’s not on me!

Iamwoman's picture

I do observe and wonder.

Last week, at the grocery store, I saw a woman walking through the parking lot in front of me. I didn't really notice at first, what she or her two kids looked like, because I was just focused on how cute the toddler (the younger one) was.

However, she also had an older one (maybe 7 or 8 year old girl). The toddler was obviously hispanic. The mom was obvioulsy hispanic. The older child was white with red hair - so obviously not blood related to the mom.

As they walked into the store in front of me, the mother tenderly place the toddler in the cart. The older girl tried to cling onto the side of the cart. It was obvious that she has been allowed to enjoy such a ride in the past. However, the mother went from calm to yelling in an instant: "Get off! get off! Get off the cart!" She obviously had no love at all for the older girl, because her tone was a bit cold and cruel as well.

The older girl was frozen for a second (which I would have been too if everything was calm and someone suddenly started screaming at me with disdain). She then hopped off the cart, her face bright red with embarassment.

My first reaction was to think what a horrible mother or step mother to go from zero to 100 with her step-daughter so quickly. However, I forced myself to stop thinking that thought. I imagined that maybe the older girl may have annoyed her SM all day, or even worse, perhaps been uncaring toward the toddler... maybe the SM was at the end of her rope with this girl.

I have been in scenarios where my own bio annoys me all day, and then I randomly reaching my breaking point with her out in public, which makes her look like an innocent victim, and I end up looking like a crazy, bipolar mom or something... lol

classyNJ's picture

You need to see the dad.  My uncle is Mexican and my aunt is German.  3 out of the 4 children they have are obviously Mexican.  They do not look like my aunt at all.  My oldest cousin and the most looking mexican married an irishman.  Her daughter is so pale with flaming red hair!  LOL 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Maybe she was scared the stepbrat was gonna tip the cart over or hit the toddler out of spite.

Ugh, I’m having flashbacks.

Although I holler at my real kids when they’re naughty. 

sunshinex's picture

Unfortunately, I've been there before, back in the day when DH and I were dating and I was always stuck watching her, where I've probably sounded cold and cruel to my stepdaughter when in reality, I was just SO FED UP with having to watch her when I had other plans but nobody cared because I was the babysitter when him/BM weren't able to watch her. I feel bad whenever I think about it, but nobody should be forced into taking care of a toddler when they've stated they don't want to. 


classyNJ's picture

I also observe and wonder.

Last week DH and I flew home and while waiting for the luggage I saw two children having fun with a woman.  All 3 were laughing and joking as the man stood and stared at the belt waiting for the luggage to start.  

The three of them decided to sit on the belt and the man said - what are you doing?  don't sit on that.

I told my DH that she is either his GF or SM because they were having way too much fun for just finishing a flight and picking up luggage.

Plantmom's picture

I assume all the dad's at trampoline parks and the movies are divorced dad's whether they are with a woman or not. I just feel like there are certain places all dad's go when they have visitation.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Your username cracks me up. I’m also a “Plant mom” and sometimes I talk to my plants. Lmao

susanm's picture

Not to mention the dads at the mall handing their credit card to the person at the register and paying for mountains of stuff.  That just screams "divorced dad on his weekend."