Should I block OSD from our DD's phone?
Just a brief summary, I disengaged from OSD26 almost 3 years ago and DH disengaged almost 2 years ago. For me it was the mind games, me being scapegoat and her passive agressivness (16 years of it all) and a mass of texts telling me what she's always show me off/on for years (but overlooked because she was a child) and for DH the mere rejection and when I removed myself from her target he saw her true colors, she was definitely pas'd. He finally removed the "rose colored glasses".
Since I've disengaged SD seems to have targeted our DD16. Actually, she had an issue with only DD for quite some time but we looked at it as sibling rivery(ex. when she lived with us for 6 months at age 15 due to her BM kicking her out and having an issue with DD7 at the time "always being in her space" because they shared a room,so she told MIL on a visit, that's another story). There has been 2 incidents with OSD and DD last year where OSD showed DD who she was (hot/cold behavior only directed at DD not our 3 BS's 19, 10 and 9) and DD being hurt by OSD but turning on the charm to confuse DD (what she did to me and DH for that matter for years) and DD thinking she would distant herself (on her own accord) from SD.
So in October our DD struggled with calling SD on her Birthday in November for her birthday and continued to ask me if she should. Me, at first leaving the choice to her but after the 4th time asking assumed she was struggling with forgiveness (as we've always taught her) told her to be the bigger person and follow her heart. Well DD texted a birthday shoutout to SD. So in January on our DD's 16th SD texted DD a birthday wish.
So last week DD told me that in the midst of their texting SD told our DD that she wants to fix her relationship with DH and not to tell anyone. DD made me promise not to say anything before telling me what was said but I feel SD is up to something and I have told SD right before I disengaged to leave our kids out of her and DH dysfunction. Now our DD is oblivious to my and DH full history of dysfunction with SD because we never told her but I feel SD is up to something. I also, never wanted DD to feel like I was coming between her relationship with SD but I'm conflicted of the "don't tell anyone" SD made to DD. I just don't want my SD to start using DD as a pawn but should I be concerned with this? Does it sound like I should be worried about the context of the text? I'm reluctant to block SD from DD's phone until I see what she's up to but at the same time I don't want DD used as a pawn in SD's possible games. Am i overreacting?
I should also add that SD has
I should also add that SD has also gave and bought things for all the kids including DD and tried to be a good big sister up until a year ago with DD and has tried to keep in contact with our BK's until we disengaged. So that's why/Where I'm conflicted.
Wait
give SD enough rope to hang herself so that you don’t look like the bad guy to DD. Don’t let SD have any wiggle room to argue that you are over reacting and trying to keep sisters apart.
That's pretty much what I've
That's pretty much what I've been doing until SD did exactly what I asked her not to and involved my DD. I just don't want my DD feeling caught in the middle of her father and sister.
I must say, I am rather
I must say, I am rather perplexed about the answers suggesting NOT to protect your minor bio child from anyone who is causing trouble, stress, concern, towards her.
No wonder there is so much dysfunction, family bs, dreadful Christmas gatherings, fighting, yelling, one'upping, petty bs and family drama...its because the parents wont expect better from their own kids.
YES of course you should block anyone who treats you or your bio kid like crap. You would if it was a co-worker, neighbor or so called friend...right?
Heck yes. In your situation,
Heck yes. In your situation, I would block SD26 from my DD16's phone.
Years ago I blocked my SD from DD's Facebook, because SD was a freaking brat and we don't need the drama.
Facts, facts, facts, facts,
Facts, facts, facts, facts, FACTS!!!!
Start introducing DD to the facts of SD's manipulative crap so that DD can develop the skills she needs to protect herself from SD's crap.
That is what we did with SS-26 in order to prepare him to protect himself from the toothless moron manipulative crap from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool. The SpermClan were master and nearly incessant manipulators. They played their crap on SS from the time he was a toddler until he aged out from under the Custody/Visitation/Support CO when he was 18.
We did not interfere with the CO's visitation schedule but had to find a way to mitigate their crap. So fairly early we started introducing the facts to SS in an age appropriate manner. Eventually he was able to recognize their lies and manipulations and shut them down when they tried to manipulate him. Because they know he knows the facts and they have experienced his applying that knowledge to protect himself from their manipulations they don't even try anymore.
The sad outcome is that they make almost no effort to engage with him. He does try with them periodically with little response.