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Am I crazy?

Yessenia1's picture

I been married for 5 years, we were doing great until Dec 2011 when my husband’s teenager daughter moved with us… Since the day she moved with us is been nothing but a nightmare! She lies, manipulates her dad doesn’t respect us at all. Two months ago she was arrested for assaulting her dad & running away from home. She smokes, uses drugs, dresses very revealing (she’s only 15), calls us names, doesn’t respect teachers/ authority, slams doors, gets detention & suspension from school (dress code violation)

I’m tired of my husband justifying her bad behavior. To make the situation even worst, every time she gets mad at him he takes it out on me… He screams at me, blames me for everything and even calls me names… No wonder his daughter doesn’t respect me either. I’m devastated. Hurts so much to see the way he treats me. His daughter screams obscenities and he doesn’t say anything to her because he doesn’t want to upset her. He’s on denial. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t understand how a parent sees 15 year old smoke cigarettes, use drugs, dress like a prostitute and do nothing!!!! I miss the guy he used to be, since she moved with us, he’s somebody else. I love him so much but I can’t take the lack of respect, screaming, obscenities, smoking, and her drug use anymore. I’m seriously thinking divorcing him. Am I crazy?

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

Move out. TODAY!

The only way you teach someone how to treat you is by NOT tolerating this type of - let's call it what it is - abuse. Not just saying you won't tolerate it but actually NOT tolerating it and moving out immediately.

Your husband will be shocked beyond belief when he gets home and you are in a hotel. I would agree to meet him for a drink or dinner and calmly explain that you will not live like that.

Nobody gets to yell and scream at me or call me names. EVER. He'll have to do much, much better. Allowing his daughter to behave the way she is isn't going to change.

It's up to him how he handles that situation but it isn't your problem. It's his.

Maybe I'm cold-hearted but life is short and if you put up with even a small bit of this your life will be miserable from now on. Take control!

RedWingsFan's picture

^^^^THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 100% completely and honestly. This is what I'd do.

Good luck. I know you're in a tough situation but NO ONE should be treating you this way. NO ONE!

Aeron's picture

Agreed! Either leave yourself or pack up both of their stuff and change the locks. This is Unacceptable and this man needs a shovel to the back of the head to realize he's being a grade A asshat and you won't put up with it any longer. Stop allowing them to treat you like this. Words obviously won't cut it!

Step-Volgirl's picture

I agree that you need to separate ASAP. DH and I married a few months ago, and our blended family consists of my son and his daughter. This is my 1st marriage. A friend suggested that I read, "Babyproof your Marriage". I'm not all the way though it, but one of the things suggested is: Mom takes a girl's weekend and Dad gets 100% of the kid duty (no calling in grandma for help)! By removing yourself from the picture, your husband looses his "crutch" and has to face the realities of raising a troubled teen. When he comes crawling back, I would set groundrules for returning (if that's what your heart wants!)...
Rule #1 - Husband can't take his anger our on you.
Rule #2 - Mandatory therapy for the whole family, individual and together
Rule #3 - Mutually agreed upon rules for SD

Good luck!

Starla's picture

I agree with the others! Sadly your DH is choosing to verbally abuse you and its up to you to put an end to that. No one deserves to put up with abuse in the name of love. Abuse is not love in any way shape or form. Sounds like you are in a horrible situation and I wish we could extract you from that. There are many wonderful guys out there and you deserve one of them good ones. Life is far to short to live being unhappy and you might want to consider getting out before you do go crazy. Abuse is a huge deal breaker in my book.

Good luck sweetie!!!

Ursas Minor's picture

I agree with all the above. Please leave, as soon as you can. I wish you the best of luck!

oldone's picture

This is a man with serious issues. Forget about the slut SD. She's a symptom not the real problem

You are with an abusive man. If SD evaporates today (we all can only wish) he will eventually find some other thing to be abusive about.

It is impossible to have a successful marriage with an abusive person.