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HELP!!!!!!

Yessenia1's picture

Submitted by Yessenia1 on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 1:37pm

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General Discussion

I need help,,, Here is the scenario:
My husband’s 16 year old daughter lives with us. She is very violent, rude, doesn’t respect her father or me. Few days ago we noticed that she had drugs in the house. My husband confronted her and a HUGE fight followed, she insulted both of us, broke her phone and punched the wall…. I’m still very upset about her lack of respect and use of drugs.
Question:
Today my husband demanded me to treat her normal like nothing took place, but I’m still mad( not the first time she insult us, breaks stuff ). He doesn’t understand the way I feel. He makes me feel like, I need to ignore her behavior and act like everything is ok or he will leave me… Honestly I’m tired of trying, I’m not going to try anymore.
He wants me to treat her like she was my own kid. I guess he forgot all the time his daughter told me you are not my f**ing mom.. I had tried many times to help her but nothing seems to work. I’m tired of the fighting & my husband taking all his frustrations out on me! He basically said I need to “ACT” like everything is ok or he will leave me.
I believe his ultimatum is unfair, selfish, ridiculous and stupid!!! Perhaps he needs to loose me to appreciate me….

byebyebirdie's picture

Submitted by byebyebirdie on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 1:45pm

sorry and (((hugs))) this is very unfair of him to demand this of you. how can he tell you to act as if she is your daughter especially when she does not even repect you . does he ever tell his child to treat you like you are her mother? doubt it... the step mom is always suppose to be the big one and just have endless love but the kid never has to do anything to deserve a step mothers love. B.S. i say !! disengage and let you DH deal with his child and if you can ignore her behavior and let him handle it all on his own

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 1:54pm

First of all no one, and I mean no one, "demands" me to do or not do anything in my home. Pretending nothing happened would not be an option for me. If my husband gave me that ridiculous ultimatum. I would hire his movers myself.

fedup13's picture

Submitted by fedup13 on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 1:57pm

Yes he is totally in the wrong, delusional, and very unfair. What a way to deal with a huge problem, "lets all stick our heads in the sand and pretend like nothing is wrong, shall we?" My DH is the same way. Forget, pretend, give in, allow the child to act however they want to whomever they want, and naively hope there won't be another outburst. Yeah right.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 2:04pm

He basically said I need to “ACT” like everything is ok or he will leave me.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Tell him do not let the door hit him on the way out.

LittlePanda's picture

Submitted by LittlePanda on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 2:24pm

Wow..

Well first I have to ask, did he punish her??

Second..If this were me and my husband wanted me to "treat her like my daughter," I would tell him alllllll of the things I would do to my own daughter if she ever pulled this shit, and believe me, ignoring the problem would not be on the list.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 2:38pm

^^^EXACTLY^^^

If MY kid was using drugs in my house and being destructive, I sure as hell wouldn't ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS HUNKY DORY. So where does he get off giving YOU an ultimatum on how to act?

Sounds like he doesn't take your marriage very seriously.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 03/14/2013 - 3:15pm

He can't tell you how to react. I agree with the others, I would have called the police and at least put the fear of god in her.

If he threatens to leave, tell him fine. I do not respect my SD16 since she is a nightmare. I have no contact, he sees her outside of the house. She has not been welcome here in over 2 years now. She sued us to live with BM.

DO not back down on this. Just ignore her. We can not be forced to love a child we didn't create.

If my DH had told me how to feel, I would have been more insane than I have been with this child. She did some incredulous things and I will not speak to her until she apologizes.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Fri, 03/15/2013 - 8:52am

So when the cops come to your door and find the drugs and your DH and you end up being charged with posession because they're in your house, how's he going to feel about that.

Call the cops, tell them you found drugs in your SD's room and you'd like them to come take the stuff away.

Drac0's picture

Submitted by Drac0 on Fri, 03/15/2013 - 8:57am

>He wants me to treat her like she was my own kid.<

If it were my kid I would march right into the police station and explain the situation. I have friends who are police officers who LOVE throwing teens into holding for a few hours with a few "cell block captains" (they're actually cops posing as criminals). These guys say all kinds of things to the kid.

Kid won't go near drugs again.

WarmBody's picture

Submitted by WarmBody on Fri, 03/15/2013 - 9:13am

If it were my kid I'd ream their ass. Maybe he doesn't really want you acting like it is your kid...I have a feeling you'd have strong words for your kid if they ever got into drugs and were violent or disrespectful. You only hold your tongue for other people's kids.

Yessenia1's picture

Submitted by Yessenia1 on Fri, 03/15/2013 - 9:31am

Thank you so much for all your comments, makes me feel so good that so many people will take the time to help me…. I had it with her abusive behavior and drug use, so with that been said, I will not tolerate that ANYMORE, I’m so done, either he handles the situation or I will be gone… Enough is enough !!!!!