Actual Letter Sent to BM
I think you are right this communication thing is getting complicated and out of hand. But at the same time I think we both need to move on, we no longer need to communicate on a day to day basis. I need time with my family to just be with my family and so do you. I don’t mean to piss you off when I reply to you and ask you to keep your time to your time. I do think the kids are better off spending the days we have set aside with the parent they are supposed to be with. It should not be SD6 choice to change who she wants to see and when whenever she wants, she should be able to just be a 6 yr old girl. Her counselor told us to give her a routine and a schedule and stick to it that’s all I am trying to do. On the other hand I don’t know how to say this without sounding rude but I need my own time with my own life and I don’t think that has happened yet. So do you, we shouldn’t have to interrupt each other’s lives day to day. I think we should stick to hand over notes when the kids change houses over email. The only other emails should be for emergencies like one of the kids is in the hospital or sick emergencies. Making appointments on the other persons days really has not worked out. If skids needs an appointment that should be brought up in trade off emails. If something needs to be addressed just shoot a quick email stating something not a question that leads into a conversation. So if there are birthday party’s just forward the info, stuff like that. It seems to me like this would make it so there are less arguments and give us the space we need to move on. Like I said not trying to be rude but I am sick of arguing too.
From ME (aka evil stepmom),
Im sure you know I have read your emails. All I want to say is that BF and I sit down and talk and I let him decide from there. He has always made the final decision it is not my place to do anything otherwise. As for seeing you at the camper no I was not happy with the situation and I was not going to pretend to be. You have bad days as do I, I felt much the same as BF and I didn’t feel what you did was at all right or fair. You called me fake once and from now on I will show how I feel. That being said Im sorry it bothered you that much. I have no clue how to react in this situation as it is not really my place to do anything. However, that day I was very mad and obviously not good at hiding it. I don’t mean to be mean or start a fight but I am past hiding how I feel from you. I think we can all be adults. I hope this gets easier and one day we can stand in a room together without it feeling awkward.
So we sent this after two weeks of dealing with everyday txts and emails, her booking appointments for the skids on our days. Oh and also her absolute freak out on BF when he told her she should be keeping the kids on her days to her time. She insisted that SD6 get to drop off something at her dads house 3 days before we got them. She also insisted on having a drawn out conversation at every point of conversation. Anyways she emailed him back after asking her to back off and keep her time to her time. Calling me names and phoney and its all my fault and im telling him what to say... blah blah blah.
After this email BM has said nothing and then we are on vacation and she calls BF cell phone. He lets it ring and checks the voicemail... its SD6 asking him to call her back. I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach but don't say a word. He called her back SD6 has been on vacation for almost two weeks with her BM family. SD6 is calling to ask if she can go visit her grandparents during BF's time. Then of course SD6 can answer all the questions dad has so she hands her mom the phone. We are sitting on the beach by the way enjoying our vacation and BF is on the phone arguing with BM about why SD6 cannot spend 3 odd weeks with her grandparents away from him, we have a 50/50 agreement which was put aside for BMs yearly family vacation. I told BF at that point he better get off the phone on our vacation. BM of course insisted on BF telling SD why and the phone was hung up.
So BF is livid that SD was ever given the option I totally agree now SD is being stuck in the middle and ITS NOT UP TO HER this kid needs structure. OMG what will it take for this woman to get a clue?? Why is her 6 yr old daughter choosing a visitation schedule when we already have one? Are we being unreasonable? I told him it almost seems like it might get to the point where he cant even call SD back. I cant believe someone would do this to their child. BF is at a loss as am I. His only solution is to address the fact that he doesn't appreciate that SD was even given the option in the first place. I don't think that will cut it. But it is really his choice.