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Update to BF vacation issues

Biomomof2's picture

Amazing. BF must have talked to someone and realized I was legally correct. So he moved his vacation to end at 6pm Sunday before school starts. Said it was due to scheduling conflict with work (he is part time at a small local airport for crop dusters). Ok if you can't admit you threw a temper tantrum only to find out your wrong.
During this I fact checked. He has always made his 1 week vacation 9 days by bookend it with a weekend. I have been trying to get BF on supervisors visits for a long time. New judge refuses to make any orders. It is why he normally doesn't handle child custody issues. Other judge had a conflict when she took the bench. She had given me legal advice as an attorney. So we are in the process of changing judges, back to the first judge that had switched out of family law but she is my only choice if I get out of this judges court room. I'm in a town with 4 total judges.
Anyway I was just notified that BF is allowed one 1 week vacation. 7 days. Not the 9 he has been doing. This is inforceable. 9am the first day till 6pm on the 7th. BF of course wants to throw a fit. This how I have always done it blah blah blah. Judge made it clear in our order, BF gets no extended visits outside of his 1 week vacation and one week everyother Christmas ( our Christmas break is 3 weeks he doesn't get half). This will be just like his temper tantrum over trying to take vacation the first week of school. He has already started.
Advice. How do I word the email?
He sent me this book of insults. I was working on it and was thinking.
As stated in the CO on page xx line xx you are entitled to one week vacation. One week equals 7 days. I was just informed by legal counsel this can not be extended to 9 days. Since you stated you vacation is Mon Xx to Sun xx are you giving up the weekend prior? Or do you wish to end your week on Friday xx?
Thank you for you civil response

How does that sound?? And if he states he is not giving up his weekend, do I state on last time, ok so my understanding your vacation will be 9am on Friday till 6pm on Thursday. ????

Since Friday visits start at 6pm and vacation starts at 9am, do I just show up at 9am, wait the 30 mins, leave and wait to hear from the cops to explain it all?? On the 7th day, do I call and report??
I know I need to 100% stick to the court order with BF. I just hate that my kids will deal with it because BF repeatedly shows he believes he is above the court order.

I really should make a blog where I cut and paste these emails. He talks to our DD the same way he talks to me and let's DS who has aspergiers and OCD do whatever and say whatever. DS has told BF he is a shitty BF to DD. BF said "and??" DD says she doesn't feel good (she has mono stress brings it out) and he berades her for being lazy.
Anyways help on how to go about the new and next vacation bullshit issue.

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

That's what I was thinking. Why fight about it? Unless it is conflicting with a weekend get away or vacation Op has already planned, why not?

I suppose though as she mentioned something about trying for supervised visits, there might be a factor playing she didn't mention. I'd think however if the court believes the kids are safe with Dad for seven days, they're safe with him for nine *shrugs*

WTF...REALLY's picture

Not a hill I would even take a picture of, let along fight on it. Let the dad have the 2 extra days.

Sparklelady's picture

Have to agree with the others. This doesn't sound like a battle worth having. If he really has as little time as you say here, what's two days?

Sparklelady's picture

I just read your previous blog, and I stand by my opinion - you're already in charge, and he's high conflict. By arguing over this, you appear petty AND you're engaging him. You don't need to be either. If we were talking about a high conflict BM who was trying to control access, I'd be of the opinion she was just being a total jerk. I'm not saying you give in to him, I'm saying don't make this a power struggle to begin with. Your kids win if he wants them two days more in what appears to be only two weeks per year has them. Let them have that time.

Glassslipper's picture

I'm a SM and BM too, gotta agree with the others on this one, 2 extra days are not that big of a deal, let the kids travel with their Dad and let it go.

AtoZMom's picture

From what I understand (and I don't know any background about you or BF) but 2 days shouldn't be an issue... My DH doesn't fallow the CO that was set (its a guideline mostly for them) DH used it when it was first set because BM wasn't letting DH see SD5 even on his allowed time...she has since gotten over that and both DH & BM are good at working together... tit for tat kinda thing...2 extra days...shouldn't be an issue , I understand that its not good for the child to miss a couple days the start of a new school year but choose your battles...this for me wouldn't be one.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Drop "civil" in the last line. It is not going to make him respond in a civil manner. It is just going to inflame him more.

I totally get why you put it there. Just think it is going to make a bad situation worse.

Biomomof2's picture

Okay, I guess back story would be good.
When I left him I left with a restraining order against him the included the kids. He didn't see them for 6 months. Then for 6 months it was 4 days a month no over nights. Then court day came up. Got pushed back another 6 months by him. He went from emotional and verbally abusing the kids to buying them. Everyday was Christmas. Still judge was very cautious when creating the order. Then we had a change of judges around here. We got stuck with a crappy judge. BF was not giving BS his meds ( OCD and Aspergers, the OCD gets out of control without meds) judge took away visitation again. Final court day, judge stated " I don't really give a damn today if your son gets his Meds or not, dismissed) I have sole legal. Wording in the court order, other then emergency that requires a 911 call father is to make no desions regarding children. Anyways that is when I find out no one likes this judge, he doesn't handle cases with kids for a reason but new Family law judge had even me legal advice as a attorney so can't be our judge. I've hired an attorney to get out of that court room.
Both children are in counseling and both children are emotional abused by BF. He has tried to PAS them, but it has back fired on him.
I follow the CO to a T. He feels that he is entitled to email me and harrass me all he wants. Because the CO states parents are only to communicate about children and only through email all he has to do it bring up the kids and the cops won't do anything. I can get a 15 paragraph email doing nothing but calling me a shitty parent and cops have told me, he is just voicing his concern about the kids. Then he says the same things to the kids. He goes as far as trying to tell them and threatened them over following my rules here. I got to hear about that seperately from both counselors. So "just 2 days??" No. It is two days of them being beaten down.

For all the complaints and gripping that goes on here over BM not following the court order, you all (except Dzy) seem to jump on me following the court order. Huge ass double standard. I'm not braking the CO, not with holding time. BF is not a father. He doesn't even know who there dentist is. Same dentist since 2007, and he has no clue, never cared. Same BF that the day DD was to get her braces on as she came home that morning BF spent the morning telling her horror stories about braces.

It is not "no big deal" or just two days when you are dealing with verbal and emotional abuse, and not proper medication for BS OCD.