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2nd grader in pullups every night still?

onwardupward's picture

I have a 2.5 yr old and an 11 month old so I'm a little ways off from this issue w mine but sd still wears pullups every night and wets through them abt twice a week. Neither bm nor DH address it with her but it just seems kinda weird to me? She doesn't go a single night w/out wetting in them and half the time just tosses the urine soaked pullups on the floor which is so lazy and gross imo? Dh just washes her sheets and puts all her bedding back on while she just flits around playing and watching tv. At that age, if i had an accident my parents had me wipe myself off, put the dirty stuff in the hamper and get my own bedding back on...really annoying having a kid in your home who's being raised to be kinda helpless and half witted.
When I was involved w SD's time here I set up a time to wake her up, a reward chart to encourage her and stopped letting her take water bottles to bed. Since I've disengaged DH just ignores it. I've read that some ppl have had their kids in pullups till 8yrs w no medical issues so maybe this is normal but I don't know anyone in real life who's had this issue since kindergarten. Just seems icky and wrong to let her just wizz herself every night at this age?

secondplace's picture

My SD finally outgrew the pullups at the age of sixteen. And yes, she wet them most nights before that.

ChiefGrownup's picture

They make pullups that fit a teenager?

Bedwetting can be genetic (they have identified which gene) or any number of things. In most cases the child is trying hard and is already plenty embarrassed.

But in this case it sounds like the parents are making no effort to teach the child to enjoy the feeling of cleanliness. She's content to not only wear the wet diaper but also to just drop it in the middle of the floor? All she would have had to do is take it to a trashcan (not much of a chore) but urine on the floor is okay with a 7 year old?

This is not helping the child in anyway. He should be making her responsible for the diaper and her own cleanliness at the very least. Part of the job of young childhood is to learn to discern the good feeling of personal cleanliness and to prefer it over personal filth. It's all the same to this kid still at an age when she should be well aware of the difference. Slumber parties will start for her in a year or two -- is dad TRYING to set her up for social humiliation?

Others had good ideas about the enuresis long term -- I just wanted to address this specific aspect where dad could and should be doing more and why.

secondplace's picture

Actually, they have extra large "GoodNites" that fit children up to 125 pounds.

We tried for years to help her out. She resisted every attempt, and her mother didn't bother helping her at her house. 4 nights a month does not a habit break unfortunately.

She eventually stopped using the pullups on her own.

Ninji's picture

My SD was still wetting herself and pooping her pants as of last year and she's 11 now. (she may still be but is cleaning up after herself better, don't know)

It's frustrating and smelly.

I actually ran across something SD wrote last year by accident this past weekend. I was looking for a book for SS to read and found "A Dairy of a Wimpy Kid" book in SD's room. I flipped through it and found it was a book where it asks questions and gives space to fill in the blanks. She only had one blank filled in.

It said "What is something you try real had at" She wrote "I try real had to not poop my pants"

Made me feel really bad for her.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Bedwetting can be the result of a medical issue. She should be examined by a doctor. If NOT medical, it could be psychological, she's too deep of a sleeper, or she's lazy.

I'm one of the SMs with a bedwetter. PigPen will be 13 in three weeks and he wets the bed Every.Single.Night. The last time the skids were here, PP wet the bed BOTH nights and left the sheets on the bed. I'm disengaged so I did NOTHING (except spray Lysol around their bedroom door). We had the skids this past weekend and PP slept on p!ssy sheets. Whenever they opened their bedroom door, you could smell the urine. I snuck in there Saturday morning and, sure enough, he'd wet the bed. He slept in it Saturday night, wet the bed again, and finally took the sheets off the bed and put them in the trashbag-lined hamper right before DH took them home. Since I'm a b!tch, I emptied an entire can of nasty scented Lysol spray in that room. Including aaaaaaaaaaall over PP's pillows, then I closed the door. The room no longer smells like a p!ss factory.

PigPen has been to the medical doctor. There is no medical problem.
PigPen is seeing a head doctor. The problem is that he is emotionally immature.
>He is scared of the dark and won't get out of bed to go to the bathroom.
>He hears noises at night (my DH works nights so he is up and about late, I get up to go to the bathroom, and we have a big dog) so he is too scared to get out of bed (he won't anyway because he's scared of the dark).
>He holds in feces for so long that, 90% of the time, his underwear is sh!t-laden (we bag and throw it away - GROSS!!!).
>Most of the time, he wears his p!ssy underwear the entire weekend. We figure this is why he prefers to stay filthy in an attempt to 'mask' the smells that emanate from his nasty person.

Good luck fighting your DH on this. I have BEGGED my DH to make PP wear Depends (the pig is 5'10 and weighs 170). He will not do it because PP keeps assuring DH "I'm sure I can hold it this time." I gave up. But I will fight this fight in my own way. And buy stock in Lysol....

BTW, the reason PigPen is not washing his sheets is because we currently do not have a washing machine.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Oh, no. I wish I had not read this. Now that I can't unread it I have to purge my thoughts by typing them out.

I am no white glove lady but I would flat out tell dh I can't live like this. And I wouldn't. I would get my own place. Or I would insist visitation take place at a hotel. Let him see how much the hotel charges him for this and how much they blacklist him and he ends up with no place to go.

I have a lot of sympathy for sufferers of enuresis. But I have no sympathy for wanton filth. Dad should have that kid on a daily schedule of potty breaks every 2 or 3 hours; required laundering and showering; and escalating punishments for not making an effort to clean up after himself or neglecting to potty during the day. All that's in addition to other efforts such as restricting nighttime liquids, etc.

Aniki, what have you done in a past life to deserve this torture?????

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Sorry, Chief!

This is not a hill on which I'm willing to die so I will NOT fight my DH. Not my circus, not my monkey. If PP wants to walk around in p!ssy/sh!tty underwear, looking like he just crawled out from the underside of an oil-leaking junk heap, so be it. DH has done just that - waking PP every 2 hours to go to the bathroom. What happens is, DH goes to bed around 4-5am. PigPen is scared of the dark ("but I can't sleep with a nightlight on and the kitchen light keeps me awake [the br door is shut]!" whine whine whine} so that's ample time for him to wet the bed. My hubby has limited his liquid intake, including NO beverages after 7pm. Does no good.

Pig is VERY into the girls. (Don't know if you saw my blog where PP actually STOLE BioHo's car and was 300 miles away heading to meet a 21 yo [who thought he was 18 - LOL] when he got lost and called 'Ho). Well, good luck, filth bucket. What will happen is, if/when a girl is actually able to look past the dirt and actually want to get intimate, she will a) get a 'load' of those skivvies and RUN or b) get p!ssed on in the middle of the night and come unglued. Maybe that's the needed catalyst.

ChiefGrownup's picture

No, I missed that one. What a story!

I actually meant the 2 hour sked for the day time! The night is a whole different ordeal. It sounds like junior achiever there can't even get himself into the powder room on a decent basis when he's awake. Oh, and when the sun is shining.

I'd make him sleep with the lights on. He can have one of those bed masks for a bit of dark around his eyes. Uncontrollable bedwetting I have sympathy for. Lame excuses and industrial strength filth I do not.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Woman, if it was in my power to actually DO something, PigPen would be wearing Depends every night. NO EXCEPTIONS!!

Not my kid so I can't make him: shower, shave, get up for the bathroom, wear Depends, sleep with a nightlight. Y'know?

LuckyGirl's picture

I don't actually agree with this - it's MY home too and I am the adult, I have some standards and refuse to live with pigs. Either SO disciplines his kids or I will and he can live with the consequences.

I understand that not everyone is the same way and that's fine, but this would be a dealbreaker with me. Same as any and all general bad behaviour - I would NOT put up with it and I do (and have) disciplined my SD's if necessary - my SO knows better than to complain. I am lucky and in general they are great kids so it's just the usual teen stuff that I am aware BD will also drive me nuts with Smile

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Glad you have those options but that doesn't work for all of us which is why we're on this site. This is not my child. It is not my responsibility to feed, clothe or care for him. I cannot take him to the doctor or dentist. I cannot make him study or do homework. It's not a hill on which I'm willing to die, either.

onwardupward's picture

It's not really the bed wetting, it's the lack of trying to help her stop that is frustrating to me. Also it's EVERY night but at least twice a week where she even wets through the pullup. We talked about it last yr when bm said she stopped using them so Dh stopped using them here but later came to find ouy Bm just didn't have any left which explained why she was still wetting the bed every night here. He's made no effort apart from what I did last yr w waking her up etc. It's like they think it's cute or something.

The lazy part was about her taking off dirty pullups and just throwing them on her floor w dirty clothes.
16 yrs old and not a medical issue?? Yikes. I knew a guy in his 30's w an issue that prevented him from knowing when he had to go so he just got in the habit of going every couple hours.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

It's not cute; it's nasty.

Get a zip-on, full mattress cover.
Get an absorbent, washable pad. This can be placed UNDER or OVER the bedsheet. One side is absorbent, the other side is plastic to prevent leaking down into the mattress.

This is his kid; his problem. Do no go into her room. Close the door and buy Lysol spray.

blueorblackink's picture

My daughter wet the bed until she was 8. It was her breathing. It had nothing to do with her bladder or drinks, it was her inability to breath correctly while sleeping. As soon as she had her adenoids removed she never wet the bed again.

If you have tried all the tricks, with no success, get her breathing checked.

SecondGeneration's picture

At 2.5years its not too alarming, though girls are usually faster than boys, its more of a concern if they are still bed wetting by 4-5 years.
Is she out of pull ups during the day?
For us, SD was fully toilet trained, day and night by aged 2, but with the custody change and her going to live with BM she was back in pull ups at night and sometimes still claims her BM is putting her in pull ups at night. We moved 6 months ago, shes had 1 accident in that time. So to me, she doesnt need pull ups.

Ultimately if you are disengaged and your DH doesnt see it as an issue then theres not much you can do, but try talking to him about it, if he wants to try to help then give him a few pointers. Sometimes dads feel theres "not much point" because they go back to their BM for the majority of the time. But if he has that opinion then you have to challenge it, how far does that go? No point in doing anything for her then?

Get him doing the usual stuff, if bedtime is 7.30pm then no drinks after 6pm, get a bedtime routine, bath, teethbrushed, try to pee then bed. Have her getting up at a reasonable hour, if shes in bed by 8pm then shes going to need to be up by 7am-8am to pee again, otherwise shes going to wet the bed.
If hes a late nighter he can always check on her and if shes not used the toilet before bed wake her to get her to try, but ofcourse, doing so may spark all the excuses for not being able to sleep again.

Personally I would take her out of pull ups, because kids arent stupid, she knows if she pees in the pull up then its not a big problem. Id get a matress protector and then try out Huggies Bed Mats, its essentially a nappy for on the bed, like a big sanitary towel. We just have the bed mat on and no protector because I find the protectors make the bed really sweaty. Then if she wets the bed, yes the bedding is wet but the matress is safe. And yes, in my opinion if SD wets the bed then she should be helping getting her bed sorted again. Even if its just stripping it and putting a new pillow case on whilst dad does the rest. Problem is, if her dads a lazy parent he wont because its too much hassle.

And if toilet training his daughter is too much hassle, then you can full expect to have to do all the big stuff for your shared child on your own. And maybe consider giving him a slap.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I believe the op's bedwetter is about 7 years old. I hope to high hell she's out of the diapers during the day.

SecondGeneration's picture

Oops I read it wrong, when she said she has a 2.5 year old and a 11 month old, I assumed the SD is the 2.5 year old.
My bad!

AmIWicked's picture

Both my SDs wet the bed. The youngest one STILL does almost nightly. She has been to doctors, taken pills, herbal remedies...
The oldest one still will every now and then but it was a sleep thing and puberty thing.
My husband wet the bed way into adolescence and so did my father-in-law.
They are all heavy sleepers and the muscles to control involuntary bladder release didn't develop until after puberty.
So we've got a couple more years until it rounds out and finishes....

onwardupward's picture

Ooohhhh nooo, not my 2.5. He's just about fully potty trained. If ds was wetting like this I'd already have tried everything for him and he'd be responsible for helping me clean his messes at the very least. Kids are cruel, I wouldn't want him teased or not able to participate in sleepovers bc of it.

Sd7 is the bed wetter. Happened again lastnight that she wet through her pullups. Dad just cleaned up for her and then I think actually lied to me that it was just water...or at least I'm assuming he lied bc her bed is completely stripped, PJ's and bedding hidden somewhere and no drinks are allowed in her room unless he's gotten lazy about that rule too since I'm in school full time when she's here now (thank God).

Another comment was right, I've disengaged, I should just ignore it. It's just frustrating to be around this kind of non parenting.

onwardupward's picture

You left her in her poop for an hour...? I'd say by 3 pooping one's pants is unreasonable but I know everyone has a different pace and plan. I was reading that yrs ago pretty much every kid was fully trained by 18 months. I plan on starting ds 11 months sooner than I did ds2.5 but really ds2.5 is just now gaining the full coordination to wipe w/out a mess and pull up and down his own pants etc w out needing my help

moeilijk's picture

Yeah, I had always thought my kid would be potty trained before age 2, here she is 21 months and every now and then shows an interest in the potty/toilet and wants to go, half the time she actually does something. She'll be all obsessed for a couple of weeks about wanting to sit on it, she sits on the dolly one she has too, she wants to watch me pee, her aunt pee, her oma pee... and then she doesn't care anymore for a couple of weeks.