I resent my stepson and husband, please help :(
So I really just came here to get this off my chest, because I can’t help how I feel and it would be great to get some advice or to just know that I’m not the only person going through this or feeling this way. Anyways, here’s my story. I’m 27 years old, and have been with my husband for almost 5 years. We got together when his son was a little over a year old. My husband has full custody of my stepson, so he’s been in our lives our whole relationship. So for the first few years everything was great. His parents help take care of his son because we both work a lot and he goes to his moms for half the week. We originally got married because we love each other and I wanted to start a family with him. I thought it was going to be great, my husband, me, my SS and the new baby. One happy little family. Well shortly after we were married, my husband tells me that he actually doesn’t want anymore kids, and never did... okay. So he lied to me for the last 5 years... and now I’m married to him.. I guess that’s when the resentment started... I was so heartbroken when he told me that he didn’t want anymore kids... and now it’s just turned into anger and indifference and it’s starting to effect how I feel about my stepson. He’s only 5 years old, but I can’t help but feel annoyed when he’s around. He’s not a terrible kid or anything, he has a listening issue but what kid doesn’t? I just feel like I want to distance myself from him. I feel like I resent my husband because he doesn’t want to have kids with me, but wants me to play house with his kid... idk.. I feel like a horrible monster for feeling this way. It’s not my SS fault at all, but I get so annoyed when he’s around now and I used to think him and my husband were cute together and now it just makes me cringe. I’ve thought about leaving him a hundred times, but we have a life together and I do love him. *sigh* idk, idk what to do. I’m lost, sad, hurt, angry, betrayed.... I just don’t know what to do. Thanks for listening, sorry about the long rant.