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Im at my wits end please help :(

serenity_rayne's picture

has a sad heart im tired of being hated by my grown SD whom has her own children now and a spouse she lives with yet still thrives off of hurting me emotionally,mentally and verbally i ask myself all the time *will it ever stop* i am married to her father for the past 4 yrs but we were also together for 3 yrs prior and together we have 2 children an 18mnth old girl and a 7 yr old boy it got as far as her coming into my home just to cause drama conflict is what she thrives off of i swear..she not only hates me withthe passion but she turns the others against me they have sworn at me on fb of all places without putting my name to the posts but we know i know it was directed at me just to be mean cause thats how they get husband i wish could see in my soul because im so hurt im sad i breakdown asking when will this ever stop or will it ever stop??? I dont know who to talk to anymore cause when i try to talk to my husband its like he is emotionless in one ear and out the other or he gets defensive i need him to stand with me not in front of me *i say this cause in my world nothing i say ever matters* i dont want my 2 younger children to grow up seeing and hearing so much hatred being directed at their mother its not okay in my books i mean my kids love my husband and respect him they are happy just to see me happy and they love their little sister and brother so much i just dont feel that from his children its an awful feeling i hate it i wouldnt wish this on anybody~

constantly_irritated's picture

Cut off all communication with this b-word and just don't let her in anymore. She is feeding off of you. It satisfies her to see you suffering and will find all sorts of ways to get you to react to her. Block FB, tell DH you want to hear nothing about her, ban her from your house and move on. She is his kid and you owe her nothing. Go be happy.

serenity_rayne's picture

thank you for your advice i know thats exactly what she's doing sittin back all happy that she can can pick on me or try anyhow I shut my facebook down now problem solved...i am trying my best to be happy over the holidays through all of this i also lost a brother to suicide in 2007 holidays are never easy for me anymore...i have talked to my husband after she called yelling at me telling me my sons a fn brat i made it clear that shes not welcome in our home anymore this goes on with her about every 6mnths or so and im just so tired...anyway my husband fully understands and he sees what shes doing to me he says anyways....I would just like to say thank you for summing it up in 5 words

serenity_rayne's picture

I cut off all ties with the SD that hates me with the passion wont allow anyone that hates me that much back into my life i wont open my heart upto her anymore im done with the games ...
my husband is now standing beside me well aware of what shes doing is a childish manipulating game to her
im going to continue living life together happy with the ones that truly love me all the time im not a mean person like she says i am i just wont allow so much disrespect directed at me anymore i know its not not going to be her doormat anymore never again she outwore her welcome with me we'll see who she can treat that way now...

emotionaly beat up's picture

Absolutely ban her from your house. your husband has done nothing about this, and he will not.

You now have every right to take matters into your own hands. YOU are the only one who can change this. It will not be easy, but your sanity depends on it. Talk to your DH and let him know, you will no longer be putting up with this anywhere, let alone in your own home. Deal with SD yourself, if she has anything to you, stand up to her. There is no point in keeping quiet to please your husband. IT NEVER WORKS. Many of us have tried it, IT NEVER WORKS.

Block them all from facebook and don't look at their pages either. Facebook I don't think is so much a social network as a bitch network. It is not worth the hurt to look at what they say about you. Cut them out of your life. Completely disengage from her. She is never going to change.

It is pointless to keep trying to have a relationship with an adult who does not want one with you. Accept that and let it go.

But whatever you do, DO NOT allow your husband to keep this going. It was his place to put a stop to this years ago. He failed. You have given him plenty of time, he has done nothing. If you want this fixed, you are going to have to fix it yourself.

So, tell your husband she is no longer welcome in your home, you will not put up with her rudeness and you will not subject your children to it either.

The longer you wait, the harder it will be. This woman will not stop, and nobody is stopping her. YOU do it. You have every right to only have people in your home who respect you. If your husband wants to see her, he can go to her house.

Shannon61's picture

Emotionaly is right. Stop giving SD this much power over you and cut her off. Why would you want to be friends on FB with someone like her in the first place? She's using FB as a forum to hurt you and humiliate you . . and it's working. Beat her at her own game and don't stoop to her foolishness or give her the satisfaction of knowing she's hurt you. Unfriend her immediately! If she doesn't respect you in your home, confront her and ban her.

I don't have a relationship w/my SD (29) because of all the evil things she's done to me in the past. I forgive her, but I don't want a relationship with her. We're cordial, and that's about it. I don't ask about her, buy her gifts, call her, etc. You get the point. So why on earth would I friend her on Facebook? She's not my friend. When DH goes to visit her, I look for excuses to stay home so he can go alone.

Focus on nuturing and loving your own kids and spending time w/DH, and stop allowing SD to push your buttons and make you miserable. Life is too short. Smile

oldone's picture

Erase her from your life. period.

Do not talk about her, see her, look her up on FB, text or email her. EVER.

Let your husband have whatever relationship he wants to have with her totally external to you. That means no visits in your home. And he is not to ever mention her name to you.

AVR1962's picture

I will share with you something I learned in my own counseling trying to deal with my SSs very hurtful actions. The hate they dish out comes from the hurt they have from their relationship with the bio parents and the unresolved feeling they have towards the divorce itself. We, the stepparents, become the easy target and the only way to NOT be the target is to REMOVE ourselves. We want the family to work, we want to be the nice one, we are used to being the planners but if someone can only see us at fault (when we are not) then we have to save ourselves. your husband will love that child, I will guarantee you that. he will be able to over look more than you think is possible but that doesn't mean it is healthy and it doesn't mean you should do the same. Drop the cell contact, no more FaceBook, withdraw, save youself and DO NOT feel guilty about it. You could be Mother Teresa and did everything by the book and you would still be the target as long as you are involved.

serenity_rayne's picture

thanks and your right about removing myself from the situation i feel hbetter without all the hatred and negativity around me and my little ones i should have done this along long time ago i know now not to put my heart into being close to my SD that will always push me away and call me down and do such mean things just to hurt me its my time to gather myself back up again and protect me from further hurt *im a strong woman* but a woman can only take so much ...

momof5_1969's picture

I've been where you are at, unfortunately. I blocked my SD on FB, blocked other family that she was associated with that would potentially hurt me as well, blocked my other SD, and took my SS off FB. I have had no contact with her since June 2011 and at a point several months after June 2011 I told my DH she was not allowed in our home ever again, and I did not want to hear about her, etc. It takes a while for the anger to get better, but it does get a little better each day. So long as your DH is supportive of you. My DH is not very supportive of me and continues to try to get me to have a relationship again with my SD23.