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Announced pregnancy

LAMomma's picture

We found out yesterday that I am pregnant! We're pretty excited about it so we sat down and told the kids this evening. We wanted to tell them before they heard it second hand from someone else, mainly the other set of parents.

DD9, DS4, SD4 all responded positively and were happy and excited about a new sibling. SD7 flat out said she doesn't want another sibling, isn't happy and isn't excited.

Any experience dealing with this? Obviously it's not her choice and she has no say but curious how it's played out for other families. I'm hoping she comes around but her Mother sucks and fills their heads with crap so it wouldn't shock me if she didn't. I was honestly expecting this response so I'm not shocked by any means.

sammigirl's picture

I would just ignore her comments. Try not to "rub it in", so to speak. Watch her carefully around all the children in your household.

Maybe focus on something for DD9 and SD7 to give them time away from the younger children, on periodic special occasions that include their age group and it will make them feel more mature, therefore, hopefully SD7 will act more mature.

Give both older girls responsibility and praise for their responsibility.

I've never dealt with this problem, just thinking building SD7's self esteem may help.

Keep us posted and ignore BM for sure.

Acratopotes's picture

SD 7 has no say in it ..... you told them you are pregnant, and that's that...

I would not even worry about her comments, I would be an absolute cow and told her - well it's not up to you now is it little girl... we do not care how you feel about it,

Maxwell09's picture

I would say: I'm sorry you feel this way now, but this is how life works. There will always be someone in your life,whether it be siblings, {stepkids/BM}, teachers,peers, coworkers or a boss, you don't want around and the only thing you can do is deal with it. The only thing that's going to change is your perspective. Try to see the positive side of dealing with these people since they aren't going anywhere.

breakingthroughtheinstincts's picture

Congratulations!! Not sure from experience but I agree with Sammi's suggestion of doing something with both older girls - how about a project for the nursery like a wall mural? Then SD7's input is up there for her to see and she might become more happy with the idea?

LAMomma's picture

Thanks guys.. DH seemed so bummed and his face dropped when she said all that.

A 7 year old has no say in my household and I really don't care what she thinks about it because they are here a whole 4 days a month during the school year.

This child is very insecure. She's chubby and her younger sister still has the baby look and is cute so most of the attention flocks to her. She also pees the bed when here quite frequently. She is older so understands more of what is going on and her Mom is desperately trying to alienate and push their Dad out of the picture completely. It's just a big mess.

My husband was worried I would resent or think less of her because of what she said and thinks. Not really. Our relationship has always been strained, mainly due to BM, and what I said above. She acts like the Mom/boss at her house.. Her younger sister runs to her instead of an adult if anything happens or is wrong. The dynamic is just weird. So she may be worried that a new baby is more work for her? But our house is totally different and we don't encourage that crap here. They are babied at their Mom's house as in can't do stuff for themselves, Mom carries 4 year old everywhere instead of letting her walk so she is behind in some motor skills for her age but they treat them like adults emotionally.

LAMomma's picture

Yup, we enforce the fact that they are children and that it's not their job to act like adults or parent other kids.. That's our job. But it's hard when she's used to doing it every other day of the month besides the every other weekend that we get them.

LAMomma's picture

I ended up miscarrying a week later. We haven't said anything to the kids yet.. I'm afraid if something is said and she even smiles or makes any kind of remark I will lose my crap. I kind of resent the whole ordeal.