This is my first post. I have been reading on here for a while. I see posts that I can relate to and it's nice to know I'm not the only person out there feeling this way. I have 2 biokids with my H and one SD(7). Our bios are DD2 and DS11months.
My H has always put SD7 first. He wanted to have children with me and was the one who said when he wanted for us to start having them.
I knew I wanted to have kids with him, but was worried since this was going to be my first and he already had one that he wouldn't feel the same way about the whole experience. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to share that first experience. He said that having a baby with me would be different because we planned to have ours and he wants to have kids with me. He said in that way it would be already more exciting.

Well all that sounded nice up until the day we found out I got pregnant. He wasn't excited at all. He said we wouldn't be able to have the freedom we had before, because with SD7, she was there half of the time so we still had some time to ourselves.

The time I saw him most happy was when we told SD7 that I was pregnant because he wanted to see her reaction. SD7 was excited. She had already been talking about becoming a big sister. The day we dropped her of at BM she ran up to her and told her I was pregnant.
One week later my H tells me that BM told him that SD7 was upset about the new baby and she was scared daddy wouldn't love her as much as the baby. She said she was worried she wouldnt be a part of the family anymore. I called bullshit from the start.

Ofcourse H thought it was the truth and he felt bad for her. That's when all the bullshit started and he started telling (threatening in some way) that I better show as much affection to SD7 as I would to the baby, that I needed to make sure I treated them equally.
Then he was talking about bringing SD7 with us to the hospital if I had the baby because if I would've went into labor in the middle of the night then he didnt want to take SD7 out of her sleep and have her all confused and feel left out. We had a big argument about it because I
told him I wasn't going to have her in the hospital.

Now 2 years later and we have 2 kids together he has always been the one who DOESN'T treat his kids equally. When my first, DD2 was
born, he was there for the birth but the day after he didnt even show up in the hospital. I had to hear him tell his stories to me and to his
friends how amazing it was when SD7 was born and how he invited all his family and friends handing out cigars.
When I had our DD2 he only invited his sister and told her to stay with me for awhile because he wasn't going to show up.

There is so much other crap he pulled while I was pregnant and after I had the baby. My DD2 was only a couple days old and SD7 had to
be picked up from the bus stop. My parents offered to do it but H didn't want them to do it, I had to do it from him, because he didn't want
SD7 to feel left out. I didn't want to leave my DD, I just had her.

Everytime I've wanted to buy something for our kids he has some comment to say how they don't need it and it's a waste of money.
I wish I would've known all that before, then I would've never bought SD7 anything. I wouldn't have paid for a roof over her head, food,
clothes, toys. For some reason anything for SD7 isn't a waste. As a matter of fact she needs everything.
A bouncy chair for the baby was a waste to him because they could lay on an old blanket on the floor according to him. Although he bought everything , EVERYTHING for SD7 when she was a baby. My MIL told me that after I told him what our baby didn't need according to him.

I wasted so much money, time, energy on SD7. I wish I could take it all back.

I know he loves our kids, but he will always find SD7 more special. He will always put her first. He will always let himself be manipulated by BM even though he says he hates her so damn much. SD7 will always be able to manipulate him. He will always feel sorry for SD7.

I'm so done with all of this. It all makes me so mad. I haven't even said everything that happened in this blog. I haven't even started in my opinion. There is still the pregnancy with my DS and after I had him.

I really didnt think he was going to be like that at all. He made everything sound so much different and better then the way he has treated
me and our kids.