You are here

You're their mom now......how to respond.

PeanutandSons's picture

Dh has said this to me twice in the past week. Both times the skids were within ear shot (in the car with us) so I didn't feel it was the best time time o get into a big discussion about it. I also didn't really know how to respond.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause any bad blood in the family....but no, I am not their mom. I am their stepmother, that's it. They have moms....shitty absent mom, but moms none the less.

Any idea on how to gently explain to dh that while I will care for them as children in our family....that doesn't make them my children in the same way that my BSs are my children?

RedWingsFan's picture

Well, you can say just like you said above in the last sentence! "DH, I will care for them as children in our family, but I'm not their mother. They have a mother. I cannot replace her, nor do I want to. I will provide my best for them as I would for my own children, but I am their stepmother by marriage, not their mother by birth."

There shouldn't be any hard feelings if you put it to him logically and simply. Not that you won't love them, you can't stand them, etc. Take the feelings out and simply put it logically. Smile

He shouldn't get bent over something presented to him that way. Then again, I don't know him. You do! Smile

TASHA1983's picture

What she said ^^^ Smile

That is if you actually LIKE/LOVE your skids! For me, I despise my BF's spawn so I wouldn't care how I said it or who was around. }:) Smile

PeanutandSons's picture

I loved them at one point...when they were preschoolers. Things have gone down hill since then. Now they are preteens and treat me like the maid/cook/ATM. I have almost no feelings left for them. I put up a good front, and I am by far their primary care giver... But no, I don't love them like a child.

I do what I do for them out of obligation and as a favor to my husband.

PeanutandSons's picture

I loved them at one point...when they were preschoolers. Things have gone down hill since then. Now they are preteens and treat me like the maid/cook/ATM. I have almost no feelings left for them. I put up a good front, and I am by far their primary care giver... But no, I don't love them like a child.

I do what I do for them out of obligation and as a favor to my husband.

misSTEP's picture

Plus he is setting up the skids to be resentful of you because they will perceive that you and DH are trying to shove their SM down their throat as a "replacement."

TASHA1983's picture

My BF knows better than to EVER say something that vile to me! :sick:

Skid also has a mother, she is a manipulative, gold digging, whore but that is who he lives with. Thank God! I do NOTHING for his kid! Nor will I ever UNLESS I CHOOSE TO! The day that BF ever expects or demands that I do anything for/with/etc his kid will be the last day that he ever sees me because I will be GONE!!! Wink

I am NOBODY'S mother but the children that God put in my womb and I gave birth to!!! PERIOD!

Shaman29's picture

No offense to your DH, but that sounds like cop-out so he can pass on the responsibility of their care to you. It's a famous double edged sword - More Responsibility/No Authority.

PeanutandSons's picture

That's really how I took it... As a cop out. Like....don't forget that you have to do everything for them too so I don't have to.

He seems to always bring this stuff up when he knows I can't talk freely and he springs it on me out of the blue.

PeanutandSons's picture

That's really how I took it... As a cop out. Like....don't forget that you have to do everything for them too so I don't have to.

He seems to always bring this stuff up when he knows I can't talk freely and he springs it on me out of the blue.

goincrazy.com's picture

OMG FDH said this to me once, and the truth is his oldest daughter and I are less then 8 years apart.....I will NEVER "take care of them" or be a mother figure to them I am dad's girlfriend/wife etc. THATS IT

He wants the grand kids to call me a special endearment name....ummmm no thanks, I'm good. You can just call me goincrazy and leave it at that..... :sick:

FDH is SO delusional