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I can't stand my 10 year old SD

joy10's picture

I have a 10 yo SD that I can't stand! I feel horriable for feeling this way but she is a passive aggressive brat. When she is around just me she wants to be my best friend but when her dad (my husband) is around she acts like I am the wicked witch. She will go home on Sundays in a good mood but then her mother will make a call to my husband saying things like "E came home and tears and dosn't feel comfortable anround your wife." This usally results in a fight between my husband and I.

My hubby and I have a 13 month old and another one on the way and the way he tip-toes around SD so "she doesn't feel left out" has not only affected our relationship but also his relationship with our daughter. One day I caught her pushing my 13 month old (she was 10 months at the time) down and just stared at her while she screamed. When I sent her to her room he told me I was being to hard on her :jawdrop: . She later told my mother-in-law that I made her stay in her room all day with no food or water. And yes she believed her. SD also told her mother that my hubby beat her and that I lock her and my daughter in the car while I shop. Her mother called CPS and they did an investigation. Thank God the case was dropped because they felt she was lying.

The latest happing occured on Monday night when my hubby took her diner and a movie. Apperently she told him that I make her uncomfortable and she is scared to be around me. Hubby and I tied up in a huge fight about this and haven't spoken since. I am sick and tired of this little game. I hate to say it but I can't stand SD and I dread her coming over her. I never thought I could dislike a kid so much but everything about this kid gets on my nerves!

If anyone has some advice I would love to hear it. I am so greatful for this site - I was starting to feel like I was a bad person for feeling this way.

joy10's picture

I've had that discussion with him. He put her in counsiling for two sessions then SD's mom threw a fit about it and she never went back. He tells me that it won't happen again and that it wasn't a big deal. What a bunch of BS!! She got exactly what she wanted ATTENTION and for Daddy to feel sorry for her. So what incentive does she have to not do it again?? NON!

I do everything in my power to not be alone with her and I've insisted that he find summer camps for her to go to for summer break. But he works 70 hours a week he needs me to pick her up on some days. When I told him that I was uncomfortable doing that he moved out of the house for two weeks. I didn't ask him to give his kid away I just asked that he take care of her himself. She's not my child and I shouldn't have to take care of her, especially if it puts my own children at risk.

joy10's picture

I feel the same way, it's part of my contribution to the household. I never had a problem with it until they were called.

He thinks that because the case was dropped we won't have an issue with it again. He's a smart man but he can be quite stupid sometimes. And he is constantly being manipulated by SD. She puts on a really good act for him and gives me the evil smile like haha look what I can do.

marty15's picture

Wow. If CPS was called on me, that would 100% be the time that I tell DH -- I can/will no longer be alone with your kids. That is some serious stuff and I would refuse to be a part of it. And nobody would fault me for 100% removing myself from Skids after that!

fedup13's picture

^^THIS^^ Thank you. This was a year ago, but, thank you. After what skid's mom has done to me, NEVER EVER again will I be involved with skid in ANY way. It does not matter to me at all that it was all a lie and she was exposed as a liar, she still did it, and I fully believe, if put in a bind again, she would blame me all over again. Would CPS see thru it like last time? Yes, but I am not willing to be put thru any more trauma because of this dumb bitch. No way.

Patsy's picture

Dont feel bad it really isn't her you cant stand it is how your household turns upside down when she comes over. It took me years to understand this myself. I have been a step for 13 years now and I wish I knew this back then. Ask your husband how could it be that she feels comfortable talking about his wife to him. He sees how you are to your SD surely he doesn't really think what she is saying is true. Althoug there are times a parent needs to hear out their kids and let them vent there are times when a parent needs to let them know enough is enough. She tells her mom this stuff because she knows her mom wants to hear this stuff. Even if your DH doesn't realize it your SD must be getting a vibe from him that he partly wants to hear this stuff too. Tell him to grow some and let his dear daughter know that he doesn't think she is telling the truth. Same goes for your inlaws.

joy10's picture

Thank you all for the advice and support. Being able to vent and getting helpful feedback has alieveated some of the frustration and anger I've been carrying. She will be here tomorrow and through the weekend; I'm so dreading it.

fruststepmama's picture

Another case of DH blinded by the skids...I mean, i get it: your own kids are gold and if they're messed up by the divorce, you feel responsible. But, that doesn't mean it's healthy to put the kid at the center of EVERYONE'S lives. My DH gets a bit defensive when i talk about my SS8's behavioral problems. But, your DH sounds like he's lost grip with reality. As long as you've communicated openly with him, it's his responsibility to be fully aware of the situation and make sure you and your baby feel safe and happy.

Anon2009's picture

I think you have to protect your baby. Your DH should also try to find out what he can do to get SD into counseling.

Starla's picture

You have a family/baby to protect. Being your DH puts in so many hours at work, there should be enough money to hire a baby sitter or a daycare your SD can go to while he is at work? I personally would hire on an adult nanny to come into the home to watch the SD. BM can not throw a fit that way being she may get pissed off with her daughter in a day care at that age. Im not worried about how the BM feels on that but you don't need your DH getting an ear full.

You could also look into security cameras for inside your home. SD does not need to know they are there & you can buy really small ones that can hide almost anywhere. Just never put one in any bathroom & the rest is fair game! Many dads are blind to how girls can be especially if its their own daughter. Guys tend to believe what they see. Your SD could be telling him anything about you & acting afraid it will get back to you so find a way to show him the truth. I have not had to resort to the hidden camera though I started to plan on doing so but I did buy a voice recorder size of a cell fone & that was enough proof for my DH. I suggested the camera for you so he can see her actions & don't be afraid to record conversation. Your DH only sees the face that your SD puts on.

Its a shame SD is like this at such a young age! You got to nip it in the butt while you can for its only going to get worse.

sarahmay's picture

HI there, I know that I am late to this forum, but I have a very similar problem. I think what starla says is right. And I also agree that this lying is encouraged by the mother and also mother in law because it is what they want to hear. I have a 12 year old SS. He does behave in this way too. he loves to go running to his grand parents and telling his own version of what he thinks happened. I have recently told him that I knew what he was up to and I don't like it. I told him that I have been around for a lot longer than he has and I know how to deal with kids like him. I told him that if he continues to lie and manipulate that he will be a very sorry little boy. Using words I had prepared and considered I put the fear of god into him (in a calm polite civil and non abusive manner). It has worked a bit but what I also did was record the conversation I had with him and I record all conversations I have with him from now on. You need to protect yourself and your kids but you also need to let them know that you are to be RESPECTED and that you are not going to engage in their games. You are an adult who cares for them and that is the end of it.
Good Luck love. this forum has helped me too. I don't know what I would do without it x

Buzybee82's picture

omg joy 10!!!! our situations are the exact same!!! i couldn't believe the closeness in our stories... can we talk? i really need someone to talk to about this... messages me on here. I'm married, have 10 yr sd i dread coming over, a 2 year old, and am 9 months pregnant! i know you wrote this a while ago, but hope you're still on here

Iam Noone's picture

Sorry, but you have a child to take care of.

And no, that manipulative thing your husband spawned before he met you is not it.

Tell your husband that his daughter is a danger to you and your child and either he eliminates her as a threat or you will. Either send her packing or you're gone. 10 years old, assaulting a baby and making false allegations of neglect? This ain't going to get better.

Ninnyk93's picture

Oh i am so glad i found this site my ss is a total bully brat an his dad thinks he is a little angel this child is almost 9 he picks on my 4 yr old tries to hurt him whenever he thinks no one is looking then when i catch him hurting him he will bold face lie to his dad an he does not believe him but wont say nothing bc he does not want to deal with haven to diciplin him bc he never does he lets this child do whatever he wants whenever he wants he has no rules no respect for anyone or anything both parents baby him to the point it is sickening i was raised old school by my granny you respected people an your an others things he does not he throws fits tantrums like a baby gets away with it he loves to cause me an his dad to fight an then will cry an say its all his fault so his dad will baby him more an tell him its not his fault an i finally stood up an said heck yes its your fault bc you are a spoiled brat an of corse that caused a huge fight but i am not sorry for what i said or did i can not stand this child i dread when he comes i stay stressed out mad upset the whole time he is here i dont want to be around the child i dont want my youngest son around him bc he is just evil an my oldest son is 14 an he has caught the little boy a few times being mean to his baby brother an took up for him once he pushed him down asked him how he liked it bc thats what he seen him do to his baby brother well of corse my hubby wanted me to get onto my 14 yr old but he was not going to punish his son at all an i said no he took up defended his little brother an thats what i have alway taught my kids to stand up for each other....help me please

Ninnyk93's picture

Oh i am so glad i found this
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Submitted by Ninnyk93 on Wed, 05/22/2013 - 5:44pm.
Oh i am so glad i found this site my ss is a total bully brat an his dad thinks he is a little angel this child is almost 9 he picks on my 4 yr old tries to hurt him whenever he thinks no one is looking then when i catch him hurting him he will bold face lie to his dad an he does not believe him but wont say nothing bc he does not want to deal with haven to diciplin him bc he never does he lets this child do whatever he wants whenever he wants he has no rules no respect for anyone or anything both parents baby him to the point it is sickening i was raised old school by my granny you respected people an your an others things he does not he throws fits tantrums like a baby gets away with it he loves to cause me an his dad to fight an then will cry an say its all his fault so his dad will baby him more an tell him its not his fault an i finally stood up an said heck yes its your fault bc you are a spoiled brat an of corse that caused a huge fight but i am not sorry for what i said or did i can not stand this child i dread when he comes i stay stressed out mad upset the whole time he is here i dont want to be around the child i dont want my youngest son around him bc he is just evil an my oldest son is 14 an he has caught the little boy a few times being mean to his baby brother an took up for him once he pushed him down asked him how he liked it bc thats what he seen him do to his baby brother well of corse my hubby wanted me to get onto my 14 yr old but he was not going to punish his son at all an i said no he took up defended his little brother an thats what i have alway taught my kids to stand up for each other....help me please


Ninnyk93

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