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personal inquiry

Starla's picture

lm wondering what drew people here to this site. ls being a step parent difficult enough to look for such a site, how many want to be a Dear Abby kind of person, seeking a safe place to vent, and or any other reason? lm here because l have been seeking a place to vent, listen to others and gain insight on how to handle different situations, possibly share some advice, and learn how to be a better step parent.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

I'm here because it's nice for me to be able to relate to other women who have to deal with batshit crazy BMs.

My stepkids aren't that bad...SD5 is a real pill, but she's nothing compared to some of these ladies' skids. But 2 of the 3 BMs really get on my nerves, and sometimes I just need to vent. Even on a good day, sometimes I find that the rigors of steplife grind on me a bit.

henrythedad's picture

Heh!!!! Smile

bi's picture

i'm here for several reasons. the main one is that when i was in the midst of stephell, i was full of rage and hatred for sd. i was on another site where you are not allowed to be honest about your feelings unless you would like to be torn apart and have your butt rode daily, because only an evil bitch from hell could say that she hated a child. one of the elders of that board decided to make it her mission to attack me every chance she got for 2 years straight. i even stayed gone a month just to see what would happen. she was still posting about me and when i came back, she was on me in an instant like she had been waiting for me. nothing was done about this.

so part of why i'm here is to let other sm's who feel as poisonous as i did know that it's ok to feel that way. it's ok to say you hate your skid. it may not be ok to show hatred to your skid, but it most definitely is ok to feel it and it doesn't mean you're a bad person. it's not like i wanted to hate sd. her attitude and behavior left no other emotion for me to feel for her.

i'm also here because i think i can help people who are in situations i have already been in and found a way out of. occassionally, i still have issues with sd and i need a place to get it out at. there are things that she has done that have made it impossible for me to just let the past go. we can get along and be fine most of the time, but i will never truly like her. i need a place to vent those feelings when they come over me so that i don't have them spilling out of me in my real life.

henrythedad's picture

Hey bi - I just "friended" you. You responded to my friending but I was unable to respond...hint,hint. Hope all is well with you girl!!!

twopines's picture

I'm here because I don't know anyone IRL with adult stepkids except my mother.

Never in my life did I ever expect to have to deal with someone like SD26 who is so contrary to me. It's reassuring to know others have similar issues, and some of the adult stepdaughters follow the same pattern as mine does.

Starla's picture

Wow pretty cool insight especially for being such a short period of time since the posting..thank you to everyone! l must agree that my step daughter and any child for that matter will live up to their given label. Luckily, all opinions/labels from adults were given to us in private. I feel my step daughter is street smart and knows how to play anyone who comes into her life. My husband and i have tried to be open with her birth mother but it does stop there. This girl is failing school, can not write- spell, claims she does not care about school or hygiene. Her mom does not make her shower, do homework, get outside, allow any friends over, or use the bathroom. Sorry but lets not talk about the periods that have started. She tells me her feelings, that she is scared of her mom, and hates her dad for leaving her with her mother in the first place. l have been teaching my husband to not punish her when she is honest but her kind of honesty is cruel. This is where my husband wants to give up on her. She really does not try on anything but messing her pants or with peoples heads.

Starla's picture

Oh darn, got to reading your posts which are neat yet true and responded on the wrong page..... This last post will be copied to and replied under Fear or Question... in the teenage step children section. Sorry for the confusion. lm really getting into these sites and think some of you people out there are rather cool. lol hope im not the only easily confused person around here.

emotionaly beat up's picture

I was working on the computer one day but my mind was on my SD who wants me dead, and I, in a fit of rage typed in "I hate my F...... step daughter, this site popped up. I found out I was not going insane, I was not evil, and most importantly I was not alone. I was reassured my feelings were normal. I learned so much from this site and my self esteem and personal growth are amazing just because I found out....................I was not insane, it was not ME that SK's actually do try to make your life a living hell and the more you try to placate them, the worse they get. That there are (some not all) SK's out there who treat a kindness as a weakness and they attack you as though you are some kind of wonded animal. I found this site about 3 weeks after I had finally gotten to the point where I told my SD never to come back to my home again and I was feelilng horrible about that, I had been tossing all the things she had said and done to me around and around in my head, I guess subconsciously trying to make it my fault so I could fix it. Thank God I found this site, thank God I found my mind. Thank God I made the right decision with the SD, there really are people in this world who are truly evil, they go under a nicer name, people who have no conscience. My SD is one of them.

herewegoagain's picture

I think many of us started with the same "we want to be better step-parents"...some of us were able to find this place while still wanting to be better step-parents and for some of us, we got here because it was too late and we were ready to kick somone's behind! lol And well, I think some that came here years ago hoping to be better, might have also realized that it never stops and that no matter how much you do, it seems like it is never appreciated. There are exceptions, but very few.

I think there should be a law that NO MAN should be able to remarry if he has kids and an ex, especially not with a single girl with no kids. Same for the crazy women. Also, if a man has to pay spousal support, so that the woman keeps the same standard of living as while married, she should also cook and clean for him, at the very least lol Wink

alwaysanxious's picture

I really needed a lot of help at first. I thought I was crazy. Now I realize even if I'm crazy, I'm not alone Wink

This place and the members have taught me so much.

Filly's picture

The BM drove me crazy. I had to wonder if I was the only one with the crazy BM. I look over the rest of my family like my cousins who has been married, divorce, and remarried that I can only name one cousin who is going through the same crap as I am and the rest of my cousins live peachy king lives that I wish I could have when it comes to skids and BM's. I have a friend who is married have step and bio kids and a nut job of a BM. We share stories, it helps a little. but how common was this crap I wonder. How much of this nutty crap is classic?

I learn that their seem to be a classic rule with BM's

the Golden Uterus syndrome.

1. They may divorce the man but because they had his kids they still think they are number one boss in his life. She says he does ( this leads me believe that the divorce decree was no more then papers to divorce him out of the bedroom and don't have to have sex with him anymore " unless she uses sex as a weapon" and that he is still obligated to come to her becking call when it comes to fixing her car, plumbing in her home, or anything else that is broken)

2. He is to never have a relationship. After the divorce. To the BM she thinks that His life and relationship is to be put on ice. However when it comes to her she can date, have relationships, and sex with anyone she wants to.

3. If he does have a relationship the BM will always be calling his cell phone every other day starting out talking about the kids then turning the conversation personal asking him questions about you? are you two having sex? where did you two meet? and you her mind games of playing his mind that you are a slut cause you are getting in between him and the kids.

4. in the BM mind she is the one that is suppose to get married first if ever. As long as she has not remarried the ex husband is not aloud to get remarried, if he dares to then she follows rules 1 and 3 again. She'll call use the kids by saying I need you to come fix my car and if he bulks on it, well ugh do you want your kids stranded? I have to go to work and take the kids to school. I guess you do not care for your kids since you will not come fix my car. She'll proceed to call him every other day and usually isn't kid related she is wondering how much info she can pull about the relationship.

5. If you have a child with him, she is instantly mad. She was suppose to be the only woman to have children with him. You should be ashamed of yourself for bringing another child by him into this world. She will also go into this delusional thought that her kids come first before anything else. She will let you know once he dies the property goes to her kids and that your kids will not have no part of it because her kids come first and she will also let you know if you have any kind of money or property and since you married him your stuff as well goes to her kids first, your kid will not get any of it.

6. If the BM rules are not followed and you make her mad or jealous, she will be up at the court house filing on anything to have the ex husband back in court ( these are BM's that usually know the loop holes of the law very well)

mel30's picture

This is really a super side Wink Also found it as i googled "i hate my step kid" It's sad to feel like this, things could have been so diff, but well the kids aren't making it easy for us as grown adults. The bm is always in your face and if something goes wrong no matter what it is - it's always you! OMW and dont you dare have a baby with her x.

mel30's picture

This is really a super side Wink Also found it as i googled "i hate my step kid" It's sad to feel like this, things could have been so diff, but well the kids aren't making it easy for us as grown adults. The bm is always in your face and if something goes wrong no matter what it is - it's always you! OMW and dont you dare have a baby with her x.

Ce_Anx's picture

I found this site when I was trying to find some information about step parenting.

While I have a few issues with how some of these step parents refer to their step children - I can understand their angst when it comes to how difficult it can be. I often think alot of people on here hold extreme views and it makes me wonder why they continue in their situation if they are so unhappy and angry. But, then I realise that I find myself in a slightly similar situation at times, and i guess having somewhere to just swear it out and be angry and vent without being judged is really what this place is all about.

whoa_nelly's picture

I love this site!! Its a safe place to ask advice, vent, and not feel like the wicked witch of the west. I found this sight looking for something on skids as well, thank gawd I did!