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ack! SD11 saw me naked!

reeny511's picture

I was taking a shower in MY bathroom, in MY bedroom. I left the bathroom door open. I come out of the shower to grab a towel and lo and behold SD is sitting on my bed watching tv with my BD3. I told her to get out and get ready for school! I then said she is not allowed in the master bedroom anymore. Geez cant I have any room where kids are not allowed??? Now she's pissed because she says BD3 can go in there anytime she wants but she cant. I said yes because BD3 is little and needs to be near me. SD doesnt!!! She went to her room and slammed the door. There are two other tv's in the house she can watch, stay out of my room!!!! sorry just needed to vent. I dont know who is more embarrased me or her.

clairedelune's picture

I understand you! Totally do. I have a hard time to get a kid free zone in here but not to sound like I am taking SD's side but maybe she did that cause she didn't want to be alone?

reeny511's picture

probably. it just gets on my nerves that she feels she can just walk into my room anytime. But if we reverse it, she freaks out if anyone comes into her room or in the bathroom when she is showering. But it's ok for her to do it!

Elizabeth's picture

I went through this with SD. DH and I married when she was 8. I am pretty shy and would NEVER dress with my bedroom door open. Our old house didn't have a master bedroom, so there was NO excuse for SD (then about 9) to walk into my room. Yep, I am naked with the door closed and SD just opens the door and waltzes in. Then SD runs to BM and tells her she saw me naked and BM reams DH for it. He said, "Well, SD wouldn't have seen Elizabeth naked if she knew how to knock."

Fast forward a few years and we move into a new house with a master bedroom and bathroom. SD is now 14. I make it clear to DH that I do NOT want SD in my bedroom. He thinks I'm mean. I say SD should knock and request permission to enter. He thinks I'm mean. One day I'm dressing in MY bathroom, which does not have a door, and I see SD in my bedroom. Seriously!? Instead of knocking, she just waltzed in, as usual. I was pissed. I had to take to locking myself into my bedroom, as repeated requests taht she knock went ignored. Then SD had the NERVE to get mad at me one day when she knocked on the door (only because it was locked) and I answered her through the door and wouldn't let her enter (once again, I was naked at the time). Entitlement is amazing!

pastepmomof3's picture

Maybe SD feels comfortable around you or this is behavior that is accepted at BM's house. I know her accidentally seeing you nude may be a little TOO comfortable (and embarrassing), but i'm sure it wasn't intentional, especially if she was sitting with your BD watching TV. IMO, I think you might've overreacted.

I think you should apologize to her and then discuss boundaries, such as knocking before entering, or at least if the shower is on, let you know she's there.

At least she's not trying to throw electrical appliances in there with you....

wriggsy's picture

I am weird on this least I think I'm weird. My daughter has grown up with just me in our house and now that she's "developing" she's shy with me seeing her body. That's fine. I am not that shy. At our house, if I'm getting ready for a bath, I might walk to my room naked if I forgot something (bathroom not in my bedroom). I don't close the door when I go potty. That's just how it's always been. At husbands house, I am completely reserved. I am able to shower in his room, and won't even leave the door open if I have to go potty...even in his room. I will not allow SD in the room with me if I am not fully dressed. SD is very free with her body (ex: yesterday, she was upstairs yelling down--not was just across the house--asking dad if he could wash some clothes for her). DH was working on something and I needed to grab something from upstairs anyway, so I was going to grab SD's clothes while I was there. I start up the stairs and SDstb14 is standing in the hallway-completely naked. SS12 was in his room with the door shut, but he could have come out at any time. Granted, she wasn't expecting anyone to come up the stairs and see her and she did duck into her room when she saw me coming, but SCHEESCH!!

caregiver1127's picture

I would not apologize for kicking her out of your room - she gets pissed when you go in her room and she would totally freak if you saw her naked. There need to be boundaries and if you don't feel comfortable with her in the room then she needs to understand this much like she would not want you in the room.

You can't compare a 3 year old bio to a 14 year old step - it is like comparing apples and oranges - I let my 5 year old see me naked but if I had a 14 year old SD I would be very uncomfortable. So if you can trust her maybe your SD can watch your 3 year old while you shower in the other room. If you don't trust her then she will just have to learn that there are some differences in the dynamic of your family.

oneoffour's picture

OK so is she given the job of taking care of your son or at least watching him while you shower and she is in the house?
And if she is and he wants to watch TV she has to wait outside the room?

Sometimes we anticipate our older kids will watch our younger kids while we are not able to. Maybe clarify she is not resposible for her brother while you are home. And she needs to get ready for school before any babysitting duties.

Just a question. What would you have done if your 3 yr old got into something poisonous and drank it while you were in the shower? Or was climbing and fell? Who would you hold responsible in the first few minutes? Your SD who wasn't in the shower and available or you?

I know I would hold my hypothetical S/Daughter responsible.

caregiver1127's picture

When my DD was 3 there was no one to watch her - I would hop in the shower and take a 3-4 minute shower usually while she was watching tv - we are not talking about the 14 year old watching her for a half hour only as long as it takes to shower - I don't get your point - sorry I am not trying to be difficult here and I think that all of us that are mothers or at least I hope so have baby proofed the house as need be so that nothing poisonous is within arm reach of said child and if she did drink something poisonous then I would blame my self. OP never talked about SD babysitting but someone mentioned maybe SD is lonely so if she is she can watch the 3 year old for the 4 minutes it take to take a shower - we are not talking about the mother running to the salon and getting her hair done for 2 hours. OP just does not want her in her bedroom because she does not want SD to see her naked.

reeny511's picture

SD11 and BD3 do not get along. AT ALL. SD11 is extremely jealous of her, so I do not trust her alone with my daughter. I know they fight like normal siblings do but I cant help being overprotective of my daughter when SD11 is there.

There is no reason for SD11 to be in my room with BD3. I always have to separate them. SD11 just doesnt like boundaries and feels she should be able to go anywhere she wants whenever she wants. This is not the first time she's been told to stay out. She has complained to her BM before and of course BM calls my DH to say SD11 should be able to go in the room also. DH had to tell BM she doesnt dictate what goes on in our house, but I'm sure BM just told her to do whatever she wants because it's her house too!

caregiver1127's picture

Get a lock on your bedroom door - put BD3 in there while your shower and lock the door - end of problem. If SD can't be trusted with BD then separate them with a locked door - easy enough!

Orange County Ca's picture

Now things have settled down I'd set the kid down and explain that your were startled when you saw her in your room and now you want to explain.

Tell her that adults need a room where older children are not allowed unless invited. Tell her that as soon as the 3yo is old enough s/he will not be allowed in either. Explain she is not a baby and does not need to be near you every minute.

Assure her that she can knock on the door anytime she wants and you will come right out to help her but lay down the rule. YOU are the adult.

purpledaisies's picture

Do this go in her room while she is there and turn the tables on her. When she gets upset that you are in there doing what ever tell her that is how you feel when she is your room. tell her too that if she doesn;t want anyone in her room than don't expect to go in anyone else's room!


Well... my BD has always been in my room. She slept with us until she was five and still showers in my bath tub even though she is no longer in my bedroom. I still need to get her dresser and toys in her room but I just havent gotten around to it yet. However, I do think kids just do not understand this but do try to stay out of our room for the most part. We basically had to make a rule no kids in our bedroom a long time ago for the oldest four because they would get in our stuff. Example: My Dad had given me a box of older baseball cards and the kids were all watching a movie. I go in there to check and SS now 11 was handing them out. However, there are exceptions to every rule. He also crawled under the covers with me the other day for a few minutes because it was cold and we laid there laughing for about 10 minutes because it reminded me of how he acted when he was little and then I began to tell him stories about him when he was little. I cherish those precious moments I can spend one on one with all my kids. I am glad they are getting older and more independent, but I miss the days when we would all snuggle in the bed and watch cartoons and such.

mom2five's picture

Our kids aren't allowed in the Master Bedroom at all. None of them. Not my bios and not my steps. The entire Master Suite, including the bathroom is off limits.