my x kicked my 17 year old BD out of his home for his holiday vacation!
My 3 children went to their dad this past friday for his first part of Christmas vacation, well apparently she "disobeyed" his rule at his little scrawny ass apt. and got on his computer while he was at work when he told her not to. Ever since she has left to go there he has been treating her like shit mentally, our other 2 children we have together that are with him- he just baby's.
Last night my oldest BD called me sobbing in tears begging me to let her come home. I told her no due to the fact that quite sometime now she has been treating me like crap to, she calls me names and is just all around a little snootie Brat. I have been a victim of verbal abuse in my previous marriage to her dad and now I am dealing with this problem with her. In the past everytime she has asked to come home my FH and I have gone to pick her up, and then when we get her home she treats me bad again, well since she has been treating me so poorly I decided that I wasn't going to pick her up this time. I wanted her to stay at her dads and us have a nice peaceful holiday without her getting mouthy and ruining it. I want her to learn that I provide a good home for her and I want her to see I'm not a bad mom, I just want her to treat others and myself with respect. We let her go out with friends pretty much whenever she wants, I just like her to keep us posted when she is out that where she is, etc. see thats not so much to ask for huh???
My X last night "spanked" my 17 bd last night in front of my younger BS, younger BD, and my X's GF, and called my bd sooo many mean names. My X's gf is only 4 years older than my 17 year old bd but OMG I can only imagine how humiliated she feels and how can his gf just sit by and let my X do this to my bd???? on top of all of this he kicked my bd out of his apt. and my nephew went to pick her up. I didn't even know my X kicked my bd out till later when my sister txt me.
So now I am having a feeling that my fh and I will now be stuck with my bd every weekend and never get a break. Do you think that I have the right to deny his visitation with my younger bd, and my younger bs since he kicked my oldest bd out of his home?? I think I need to send him a certified letter to let him know I am modifying his visitation time and let the judge know what he has done. I think that if he doesn't take all 3 kids then he gets none.
I have to deal with her horrible behavior (at least till she's 18) he should have to deal with it to and see what I go through!
He sounds, at the very
He sounds, at the very least, verbally and emotionally abusive. You should be seeking full custody. Spanking a 17 year old is extremely inappropriate and particularly in front of the other children and a girlfriend. That wasn't a healthy experience for any of them. Get them all out of there. He will turn this anger on the younger children eventually.
She is at my sisters because
She is at my sisters because I wouldn't pick her up from her dads. Now she is at my sisters and is STILL treating me like crap. Damn if I do and damn if I don't. I told my oldest bd that if i picked her up she would come home and treat me like crap, and if i didn't pick her up from her dads she would treat me like crap. I am so sick of teenagers!!!
sounds like she needs an
sounds like she needs an ass-whooping, not just a spanking. and maybe some therapy, some boot camp. and things taken away. hell, if your sister thinks she can deal with her, let her.
i would advise u to let her go on her own at age 18. let her dealw ith life as she wants. u have done your job.
yeah but come on she's 17
yeah but come on she's 17 years old. and until she's 18 we have to deal with it but, Hitting someone isn't going to accomplish anything. I dealt with that for years from my X and thats just one of the reasons why I divorced him. What gives a person the right to touch someone else? None!
My 17 y/o stepdaughter is
My 17 y/o stepdaughter is acting the same way. I recall kids doing this to their parents when I was a teenager too...I think it's being going on since the beginning of time. I've decided if she is old enough to go out on her own and find her accomodations and not ask us for stuff AND the law says it's OK for her to do it, then she can be all grown up. She wants to wear big girl pants then so be it...she can be on her own.
Your ex sounds like a piece
Your ex sounds like a piece of work. BUt i'm gonna play devil advocate and say a few things you may not like. But this is how i take what you wrote.
1. She' 17, she sounds abusive like your ex and obviously you have issues with her. I dont blame him for booting her out if she deserved it. SHe disobeyed, Regardless what size his apartment is. He had the rule. sHe is old enough to listen and obey. She didn't. She deserved the punishment for the booting BUT if he spanked her , that was way out of line on his part!!!!
2. Spanking is a no go for her age, IF it truly happened. If it truly happened....i can't imagine a guy his age, taking his 17 year old daughter and her not fighting back on this????!!!
3. Her behaviour should not have a backlashing to your other two kids. So this idea 'he gets all or nothing' does not fly with me. Why should your other two suffer for your daughter17 misbehaviour. You are the one saying your will handle her till 18 years of age. Then what? She has issues, she needs to have them delt with. I'm sure she has brought you to the brink for you to not pick her up. I dont blame you. I understand teenage frustration.
4. your ex's GF , didnt' interfer because she's in a position not to interfere. She is not their mother, and i'm sure if you say he is that abusive , she wont budge on her position to do anythign for fear AND she's just the gf right? maybe soon to be a sm right? not her businesss?? that's the usual attitude here and everywhere that GF and SM have no business interfering with the kids...so why should this situation be diff??? If he had honestly trully physically spanked her, i would not date this guy..but i am having a real hard time believing that this ex of yours spanked your BD17. If my dh tried that on his 15bd ,it would be a physical fight.
I agree with you not picking her up and leaving her at your sisters. i would call your ex and verify is he truly spanked her or just get his side of the story. Even ask your youngest. Chances are they would honestly tell you since they were there.
BUt your daughter has serious issues if she is treating you like crap. Cause it sounds to me, that you dont even want her.
You know what that does
You know what that does sound bad but I have a sister who is the same way and my mother is going through the same thing. Nasty rude disrespectful, you name it that’s my sister; don't get me wrong I love her.
I sister moved in with my father when she was 17 and she tried the same thing that she does to my mom and he bent her over his knee and spanked her. Guess what she learned to show some respect.
I agree that maybe he shouldn't have done it in front of everyone but you never know embarrassing her might do the trick.
I am sure tough love is hard for the parents but sometimes that’s what kids need. If they think things are so hard show them it5 can be so much worse maybe they will be grateful then.
The week before christmas my
The week before christmas my SD11 got spanked 2 times that week for her constant bad behavior (her behavior had been horrible for quite a while). And at 11yrs old she did put up a fight with my DH. So I am guessing that maybe you should ask your ex what happened and if he really spanked her. I am pretty sure at 17 she put up a struggle. My DH hates to spank either of the kids but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
I agree that you shouldn't punish your younger 2 kids because of how he reacted with your older child. She broke the rules. I believe you should have your 17 yr old checked out or put into counseling. That may help her with whatever she is dealing with. But that's just my opinion/suggestion. I wish you the best of luck.