:jawdrop: hang in there CB... it will get better but yes DH needs to lift his ass and find a job, who knows, maybe he will enjoy retail way more then tech work...

He can work 8 hours a day and keep his dream as a hobby, I would not have put up with this for 2 years, belief me I would've kicked his ass long time ago

as for a new baby, it will never be the right time, thus I think, close your eyes and do it, cut the cable and wifi if you have to

His ability to dream came when unemployment or his severance ended. Once you started dipping into savings, he needed to make his dream part-time while he worked.

I'm glad that he is saying he will look for a job. Just make sure he KEEPS it. He has enough professional background that any of these part-time jobs could open the door for him to get full-time management.

Two years was plenty of time for him to learn about photography, get a business starter kit going, and at least start taking pictures part-time. He can still do all that, even if he works full-time elsewhere. I don't know many photographers that make photography their full-time work at the start unless they start working for a company taking photos. He's not at that point, and he needs to cut his teeth before he can even think about making it big.

I hope this improves for you. You shouldn't have to work two jobs so he can have a hobby that he may or may not turn into a career. No one right now should be 2 years unemployed. Employment may not be in the same field or the same pay level, but long-term unemployment would be unacceptable to me in the current economic climate, especially if you are able to find/keep two jobs. He is capable. Hold his feet to the fire.

Glad you have been able to broach the subject with him. I went back and read the prior blog and have a couple of ideas about your situation.

1. If you want a baby... based on your medical situation, I wouldn't put that off. As others have mentioned, you will find a way and "figure" out the financial aspect of things. Maybe it would even kick your DH into a higher gear on looking for work and earning money... if the NEED were there.

2. Which brings me to your finances.. I would tell him that it is time for you to have a baby... so he will need to pick up his "full share" of household expenses. Yes, honey, his savings will deplete more quickly, but then again.. another kick in the tail to get back into the workforce.

3. Which brings us to his employment status. 2.5 years... that is long enough to pine around about his hobby/job photography dreams. If he hasn't been able to drum up a more steady income stream from this.. perhaps he is not suited to do this for a living? Many people do photography on the side in addition to their full time jobs (including my DH's EX). He should in this amount of time have a portfolio, a business site and be actively marketing himself. If he is a more beginner in skill, then he is not at a point that he should be trying to support himself in this way. If he is good, but not a self starter/entrepreneur.. maybe he should keep this a hobby and occasional side job? While it is demoralizing to be laid off, it is not necessarily a scarlet letter indicating you were lacking. I know many people who have been through the process and you can recover from it.

At a minimum, he needs to get out and meet with the head-hunters that service his field of expertise. There may well be contract/temporary work he would be able to do. This can be at his former level or below. There is less worry of hiring someone overqualified for contract work since you aren't planning on having them full time, so you don't worry about them cutting out for a better job as much. That kind of work can also be an entry to a full time job. He should also be networking with his prior coworkers and counterparts.

Honestly, "retooling his resume" for the apple store is a pretty half hearted attempt. He isn't really putting himself out there. Has he also investigated their remote AppleCare program. That can even be done from home. It sounds like a fairly narrow niche... what about Bestbuy (or whatever local electronics store is near you)?

I do feel that contract work would be the better paying work. If he does get photo work...he can work that in. I imagine most of that is weekend work anyway.

My next door neighbor is a professional photographer of some renown (he was selected to photograph the dalai lama when he visited), his wife is a teacher. He makes as much or more than his wife, and that is enough working parttime for him to be a SAHD. The local entertainment DJ company recommends him for weddings. He sends freelance photos in for the local newspaper. Basically, he works weekends.

He could easily also hold another PT or FT job if he wanted to, but they have two young children at home, and they live a comfortable life.

I wouldn't feel comfortable having a baby with a man who is content being unemployed for that long, sorry. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out that he needed at least a parttime job after getting laid off. To tinker for so long screams to me of avoidance of responsibility.

So being money people there is a plan for when the savings run out, right?

Has he looked on indeed.com for jobs? I did a search for IT jobs in your city (Philly, right?) and there were a lot of jobs that came up. Jobs better then part time work at Home Depot.

Good luck... at least you have the ball rolling for some kind of steps being taken for your future.

I understand where he’s coming from. I lost a job making a huge salary in the 80s. I was very high up and flew on private planes when I traveled. My industry collapsed. There were NO jobs. After a year I BEGGED a company to hire me at an entry level job at a salary a fraction of what I’d made before. I’ll admit it was a huge hit to the ego.

But I worked my ass off. Got a small promotion a couple of years later and then another a couple of more years. Left that company to take a moderate promotion. Before I retired early I made it back to the top of my game. But it all started with eating crow and starting at the bottom.

I’m about to turn 72 and I am convinced I could go be a greater at Walmart and I’d be able to work my way up.

If your backup plan when the savings runs out is to sell the house and move to a cheaper area or let your husband go into arrears, why not put that plan into effect NOW so you can have the baby you want. Stop paying most of the bills with your paycheck and put what you don't use into YOUR savings. Sell the house and move to a less expensive area. Let DH use his savings to pay his share of the bills and when it runs out, he'll have to go into arrears on CS. It is ridiculous that he's paying so much when he has no income, and it's not fair to you and your dreams. Babies don't need houses in expensive areas. Decide if it's more important to have a nicer house and nice things in a nicer area or to have a baby. If you have a limited window to have a baby and it's a now or never situation, you really should pull out the stops to try to do it now. Otherwise I suspect you will have a ton of resentment for your husband, since it was his unemployment and his child support obligations that kept you from doing it.

I can't say I have a solution for everything... But one thing I will say from reading stuff on this site... There are SO many people who have kids just to use them, or who honestly should have been born sterile because they just want to use the kids as pawns or are abusive or don't care about them anymore than the money they give them... You GENUINELY want a baby, and you know that takes responsibility and are willing to put in the work. With all the people in this world that shouldn't have kids, you definitely aren't one of them. You're someone who should have one. Based on the time clock, I think you and your DH should VERY seriously go for it! Because someone who's going to bring a kid in and actually love and care for that kid, shouldn't have to live with the regret of never having one. You're doing awesome with everything going on.

Really happy for you that you had a heart to heart with your husband. The time had come. I hope he lands a job very, very soon.

Still in shock about the CS...just blows my mind that they will let him deplete his savings.

I remember you writing that you guys sold your very large, very expensive home in your old town and because you had all of that money in savings CS was not able to be reduced. So I assume that your new house in Philly is also somewhere in the 600k-1M range.

Lady, CS is not going to be lowered if this is the case. No judge will agree that DH is too poor to pay his CS when he is living in this kind of house and it sounds like not making a real attempt to find a job.

From everything you said in past posts, on your salary alone you can probably afford a 200 - 300k home AND raise a baby, especially if DH is the one watching the baby all day while you work. So sell your expensive home, pay CS and DHs portion of expenses from the house proceeds and go have a baby!