Lo is turning 6 months next week. When he was born I was so happy (like literally on cloud 9) despite very traumatic birth where we nearly lost him (my brother died in similar circumstancee) but we have s healthy lo who is just the most beautiful baby in the world

I was so happy that he was alive and well and overwhelmed with a new baby and recovering from ecs that all the issues relating skid did not really affect me at the time. While it was annoying bm was present in the same room for a day, I just said hello, closed my curtain and got on with it. Same with dh had to go collect ss on the day we were discharged and then ss hung around for a few days while I was trying to breastfeed (and had terrible difficulties) and because dh said no probs to him, I spent a lot of lonely time on my own trying to nurse bs. It was so stressful and dh also did not really (while he did into overtime and try) step up with housework etc so I was trying to bf, pump, top up with formula and wash clothes basically several times throughout the night. I was like a zombie - I remember coming home from hospital and having to wash all of my blood soaken nighties because dh had just taken them home and put them in the wash basket!! I even think I was ironing the next day even though I couldn't stand straight lol. Needless to say my milk dried up fast. It's heartbreaking now to even think of it.

I suppose my point is that at the time I coped like i have always done. But over the past few weeks I have grown bitter and resentful. Resentful of my dh past and of his canto two other women. It's so awful because my dh tries to be good. Yesterday he tried to spoil me and this weekend he is taking me away to Paris but I am still really angry. I always found his baggage hard but this is seriously taking a toll on me.'I have never ever been so resentful and angry for falling in love with and marrying a man like my dh even though I love him to bits. I feel kind of irrationally angry about it all. I think it's made harder by the fact my dh is estranged from sd and while I know he's an amazing dad to both ss and ds , because he hasn't told me all the details of why he is estranged because it is so painful , it has become an issue since having ds. I'm not looking forward to Paris. I just feel tired and cranky all of the time. Am I just stressed from looking after ds all by myself or is it possible to develop late onset ppd??? I'm confused. Just want to be a happy mummy again.