No more

I just do not want to live like this anymore. Captive in the bedroom in a crappy house because we need so many freaking bedrooms. Trapped in suburban hell with zero life outside the freaking 'family'.

I can barely stand having dinner together. All the damn time their mouths just running on and on. The lying and stealing, and trail of broken electronics and whining to THE MOTHER all freaking day. The physical and verbal abuse they inflict on each other. Yes, abuse! Kneeling on your brother's throat until he almost passes out is abuse! Not sibling crap. And the constant stream of crap coming out of their mouths.

Our pets are locked up all the time because the door stands open all the freaking time. They dress in rag hand me downs their mother gets them. Always at least 100 sizes too big and flithy. The constant in your face demands of attention and back talking and refusing to do anything and failing at school and the detentions for being an asshat and no one wanting them to play with their kids or have their kids come over. And the complaining that my kids get to do all the fun stuff.

And my freaking mother telling me constantly that I just need to love them. That they need a loving mom. Yeah, I get that I really do. But I cannot stand them! I do not want to cuddle them and praise their shitty behavior and make happy family memories.

Dear God I need a SM friend who understands. I love DH but he just enables them. I seriously doubt life will suddenly be better when the kids get older either. I hope I can get a house that is mine that I do not feel like a visitor in but I am sure they will always be there lurking so DH and I can have careful conversations about whatever it is they 'need'.

I just needed to vent to people who won't say the whole answer is for me to love them like my own and be a kinder, more Christ-like person. DH has come far in dealing with them but it is just a freaking mess. Ugh.

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Hugs. You are heard and

Hugs.
You are heard and understood.

I get trying to have a little space to yourself that's a zone with none of the drama and realizing you're living in less than half the space you had in that efficiency you were in right out of college...and getting sad and resentful.

Oh, yes, you are understood.

Oh, yes, you are understood. No one who has not lived it seems able to "get" it. But we do. Unless some very important pieces are in place, the stepmother is the very last person who can help a child. A random stranger from the sidewalk would have better chances than a stepmother who is missing any of those pieces.

Hope you find a way to solve your situation. You deserve a life, too.

Thanks so much ladies. Today

Thanks so much ladies. Today is really, really hard. But I am going to stop the perfection route. I just cannot love them right now. Maybe someday in the future I can. If DH is heartbroken by this well then maybe a lot of change will happen. I can't keep going like this though. Thank you for listening and understanding!

Step parenting is the

Step parenting is the shittiest job. You're expected to accept another person's children with open arms, treat them as you would your own UNLESS you want to teach, correct, discipline, question, disagree, guide or offer them advice. Then you'd better sit down and shut up. Do share your space, food, time, money, in fact, every resource at your fingertips, but do not attempt to RAISE them in any way, shape or form.

Sheesh. Go ahead and rage. It's what keeps us from committing murder. That's why we're here. Hugs.

I always said my DH expected

I always said my DH expected me to open my heart, my home, and especially my wallet, but to keep my mouth shut.

Sparkle lady, that is the

Sparkle lady, that is the best summary I've seen! Dead on the mark.

I also understand. Your

I also understand. Your situation is very similiar to mine. Im also isolated in a suburb where I know few people and live in a household where Im an outsider, making me feel more like a stepdog, than even a stepmother. I wish I had some good advice. Just try to take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. Visiting this forum is a great help. There is alot of support. Try to hang in there. Btw, my mom is like yours. Always saying I need to show more love and that I dont understand kids... It is so frustrating!

I love my mother.... she

I love my mother.... she always said "do not let the little bastards walk all over you!"

Here you can talk, vent,

Here you can talk, vent, bitch out... you name it! Maybe not all will understand but, trust me, the majority will and you can always count on stalkers for an honest advice. Keep strong (and don't listen to you mom on this)!

I feel your pain on the house

I feel your pain on the house scenario!!! We live in what I call Little Mexico complete with endless hours of Mariachi music and access to all of the broken appliances you could ever want to overpay for because we need a million bedrooms because BS13 and SS14 can't stand each other,SD12 is a damn pig and it'd be unfair to force SD6 to share. DH and I take the upstairs of the bungalow we're renting where we h have a small bedroom and a living room required to maintain our sanity.

The older children can't be trusted to feed the dogs; we have three. DH was against taking in my last rescue saying he didn't want that many dogs;I countered with I don't want this many kids!Now we're looking to move because our lease is up but can't go too far until SD6 lives with us; as it is I already drive 40 miles a day taking her to school and back but BM is too selfish to give up placement.

Thanks ladies! It is awesome

Thanks ladies! It is awesome to have someone else understand. I think I need to disengage from my mother too. My bios are gone for the summer and today instead of listening to the skids run their mouths and whine I am going out to breakfast and seeing an early movie!

My family never understood

My family never understood when I told them stories, but when I was pregnant with my first child and my mother stayed with us to help out, she saw it. Her eyes were opened wide. After a recent vacation with my parents and sister, my father and sister now also see what I've been complaining about for years. Unless you witness the behavior with your own eyes REPEATEDLY, people just don't get it. You have to live through it or at least see it. People here understand.

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