If I had some of the skids I see on this site, I would feel that way for sure. But ours are still young and they are respectful, so no, that would devastate my husband.

I never wished this, but when BM was playing keep away with SD7 (at the time she was like 4) & he got frustrated he said it once. BM had been acting 'nice' again, but then he got served papers saying she was going for sole custody & only supervised visitation with SD for DH because he had 'threatened her'. Needless to say she lost that case & BM got laughed out of the court room - BUT when he first got the papers he was so upset he said he was thinking of just saying w/e, paying his CS & never seeing SD or talking to BM again.

I of course talked him out of it. DH & his family is the only sane influence SD has. So it's worth the struggle to give her a glimpse of a normal life.

Now with boundaries DH doesn't speak to BM hardly ever & she's 100% out of our hair & she got chewed out at court so badly that she never wants to go back. LOL

I think there is a big difference between wishing YOU didn't have to see skids and wishing that their parent never had to see them.

If his kids were that disposable to him I would definitely question my position and any bio children's in his life.

I've seen men who weren't bonded with the kids because they were never really with the mother, or one night stands. They have to pay support, but really didn't want the kids. They ended up getting married, stable family...and they were closest to the kids with their spouse. All kinds of situations.

Some men just go through the motions to. Also, how about going with him, and taking your son. Does he bring them home afterwards? The weekends are both of your time, so I would bring that up and make changes. He may just want to go to visitation, and get it over with..who knows. Something we did, at least a few times a month..get a baby sitter for a Fri./Sat. night and just you and he go out.

Instead of feeling awful, be proactive and often simple compromises can make the world of difference.

First - no. I don't. I think it's sad that BM has so much control over when he can see his son and hate that the older kids live so far away. It sucks for him. Also, I would never, ever have kids with DH. I love him but no way in hell would I have had more kids with him.

Second - I despise when people refer to the stepkids as his "first family". He doesn't have an obligation to his "First Family". He has an obligation to his minor children.

I don't know why people are so judgey on this like nobody else ever wished their skids didn't exist. I think it's a normal emotion to feel. OP didn't say she was going to tell her DH not to see them. She was just stating how she feels.

This is a great article that everyone should read, and it's a good forum. Rainbow...no more texts from the bm, and again time to make changes. For sure do not let them be mean to your son, if they are they get to stay in their rooms. There are some good suggestions in this article, in short blended families do not work. A term make up to try and make a dysfunctional situation pass as normal. More and more typical in our society.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&...

If we were talking about adult sks acting like this (and many do) I'd say "no problem." I just think it's different when they are minors.

I also think much blame can be laid at the feet of the court system. Many women just get slaps on the wrists for not letting the dad see the kids. Maybe if the courts actually put these women in jail and/or took away custody the first time they did this, things would be different. The kids need time with their dad. If they had more time with their dad everybody would be a lot better off.

Many of these sks are hormonal, moody teens. So they're already likely going to be pains in the a$$. Many SKs are dealing with PAS and are just angry and hurting.

I definitely don't think the dad should walk away from minor kids. I do think that visits should be conducted outside the home for awhile.

Hi. I have 2 SDs one is 23 and I love her to death. The other is 21 and I can't stand her. Its soo bad, during our last fight, she actually threatened me with physical violence.....twice. Now that being said, I want my DH to have a relationship with both his daughters. They are his flesh & blood and I want them to be close and I would never suggest otherwise. This doesn't mean that I have to have a relationship with her. Sometimes it's just better to disengage. I love and married my husband, knowing he had 2 daughters and I don't want to come between them!

Well....

I didn't read all the posts yet but I saw enough to know I'm going to probably going get slammed for this too. IDGAF though.

Yes. I wish this all the time.

DH worked out a stupid arrangement where he was paying the entire BCSO (because BM thought it wasn't her responsibility to contribute to child support too). Could he have fought it? Yes. Did he? No. He basically paid his ransom for his freedom. The problem was that she still never shut up. He paid the entire BSCO as if she had them full time AND he took 50/50 responsibility, paid extras for school related expenses, and had them at our house 50% off the time.

While this arrangement may have worked while he was trying to kiss her ass during their divorce to keep her from PAS ing the kids, and it may have worked when he was a single guy, it DOES not work for me and I'm the one he chose to hook up with.

After 6 or so months of this arrangement, I demanded he recalculate support based on income and parenting time just like everyone else in our state. Fighting with bm was too much for him so he gave up trying to fix the CS. He went to EOWE during the school year instead.

I'm fine with this. I would be fine if he never brought them to our home ever again. If he is unwilling to make BM take her share of the financial obligations and he is willing to pay her as if she is their full time parent...let her earn that money.

I'm not emotionally engaged in this so it seems that I'm the only one who sees that these kids are nothing but a ratio of time, income, and a few other miscellaneous expenses in the state calculator. It seems like a pretty fair model. They should use it.

I understand fully where you're coming from! I've felt the exact same way numerous times, as I'm sure my DH has, too - he just never admits it flat out.

It IS hard for us SM's, especially when you throw in skids and BM's who try everything to make our lives miserable Yes, we COULD have decided NOT to marry out SO's once we knew they had kids...but why should we deny OURSELVES the happiness we deserve? Love is not just a checklist, where certain criteria is simply checked off. You can't control who you fall in love with.

If you read my recent blog: http://www.steptalk.org/node/178477 (sorry don't know how to add links), it would only reaffirm your feelings! Skids can be HORRIBLE! And because they're KIDS and we're the ADULTS, we're often made to feel bad for simply being honest about things.

My skids come over, eat all our food (3 bowls of cereal in ONE sitting? Are you kidding me?), trash the house, disrespect us (well mostly SS12), and just see us as people who "get them stuff". Half the time, SS12 complains that he doesn't want to be here - well, that's perfectly fine with me!

Bottom line, a LOT of SM's feel the same way at one point or another. And this IS a place to vent, preferably without judgement. All you can do is ignore the ones who like throwing stones in glass houses!

I think sometimes all parties involved wished it was like this. I mean Sparents, BM's and BD's. It would make life easier to not have to deal with one another and other people's schedules. I have been pushed to my limits and have thought this. I'm sure my SO has thought about it too, but not because of his daughter but because of his crazy ass BM. He told BM one day that he wished he changed his number a long time ago so he wouldn't have to deal with her. To answer your question, yes this thought has crossed my mind but do I really want my SO to not see his daughter, no. I hope that things get a little easier for you.

I live this and the grass ain't any greener on this side. I actually wish that BM would up and die and we take in SS, get him into therapy, and live our lives not waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering when BM might pop up again to terrorize us.

It's also because, and this seems to be horribly selfish, but I want BD to have a sibling... that isn't going to cause me to have to go through pregnancy and birth again. That was horrible. Beyond horrible.

A lovely little family unit sans the BM. That's what I would like. And then we'd all ride into the lovely sunset on rainbow unicorns.

I honestly would lose all respect for H if he stopped seeing his child. When he and Uberskank decided to have the skid, he signed up for a lifetime commitment.

If he couldn't keep the commitment to his own flesh and blood, then I would wonder if he could keep a commitment to a wife.

Ok. We think some pretty terrible things sometimes. I'm generally pretty nice to strangers and I'm damn loyal to friends and family. That is one of my strengths. I still have evil nasty thoughts sometimes.

Case in point (and yes, I'm going to take it THERE }:) ): BM is so dumb that DH is still listed as her beneficiary. Guess what kind of thoughts THAT knowledge conjures up? }:)

Totally joking. I need her to stay alive so that she can deal with the soon to be adult monsters she is trying so hard to create.

I've read all the comments I've really only seen one judgey type post. Am I missing others? It's not like a barrage of judgy mcjudgersons. Anyway. Why is this question OP asked even controversial? It's quite natural and frankly quite obvious. So, I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Yes, i most definitely feel this way for several reasons. Most of us have at least thought about it weather we all admit it or not.

If DH has conflict when dealing with his first wife and his kids with her he should not bring that home to revisit the entire weekend with you. This is unfair. What can you do about her and her kids? NOTHING! This is his drama and he has a 2 hr drive back screaming ACDC/ Metallica/ Poison songs to get it out of his system. His return to your home should be "Good. Glad that is over. I am so glad to be back with you." and not "OMG! I hate the bitch! She nagged me about xy and z and the kids did nothing but whine about a new Phone."

How he deals with his kids is his business and as long as you don't need to hear about it... good. But when he is whining and replaying every single bitchy whiny line form his weekend with his kids... not so good.

He needs to cut it out. I get being supportive but all he wants is to share his misery. Sorry, he can demand better behavior form his kids. HE just chooses not to. He can demand better behavior form his ex, he chooses not to. HE can ignore her. He can tell his kids "Look, I am sorry your mother is unhappy. But she is responsible for being happy not me. So i don't want to hear about it."