Sometimes I don't want to include my stepkids
Its hard enough with them living 4 hours away.. sometimes i just want to plan a trip without them. They do stuff all the time with their mom. So why cant my husband (stepkids dad) just let us do stuff without them.. what do you think do you guys seem to put your lives on hold for your stepkids? Or am i doing something wrong...
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Because he feels "guilty",
Because he feels "guilty", but that's misplaced. If the kids live 4 hours away, they are there every other weekend at the most (if that), and life has to go on without them. Even in intact families, parents go on vacation without the kids.
I guess but its extremely
I guess but its extremely frustrating. Even if he's feeling guilty we should still live our lives...
I went through this at first
I went through this at first with DH - he didn't want to go anywhere without them and THEY didn't want him to either. BUT they had no issues going anywhere with BM at any time so I called BS.
Drew my line - we can vacation together as adults without skids. If he didn't want to go with me, then I'd go alone or with girlfriends.
He figured it out at first by 'hiding' our trips from them, but I called BS on that too. No way; we are the adults we get to make adult decisions. He doesn't care any longer.
Ugh sorry about that its so
Ugh sorry about that its so annoying. Like im not going to waste my life waiting around. Im glad you got your man to go on trips with you. But i really dont see mine changing. He's dead set on waiting around to do things with his kids. Worse of all when we do plan things the stupid BM tries to ruin them its bad all around.
I don't put my life on hold,
I don't put my life on hold, but I also wouldn't purposefully exclude them, either. It's a case by case basis, really. No, I don't want to do EVERYTHING with the SKs, but there are things I like to do that I know they also like to do, and DH would like that experience with them, too. So, there's a lot of compromise so that we both get what we want.
It's wholly unfair to the entire family to put everything on hold until everyone is available.
Oh yeah i totally get where
Oh yeah i totally get where you're coming from but sometimes i just dont want to consider them. Especially when the BM makes it hard for us. She's a huge control freak.
Two of your kids are your
Two of your kids are your husband's SKs. Are you willing to exclude those 2 from some things as well?
Your husband's refusal to do stuff when his kids aren't around, shouldn't prevent you from doing them. Hell, depending on the age difference between the 3 kids, I'd leave the little one with dad and spend the day hanging out with the older two.
I have thought about this a
I have thought about this a lot ..but my kids arent going somewhere with their BD he isnt even involved at all. My kids live with us full time. And his kids do stuff with their mom and Step dad. So why should we not do things just because they arent here... and yes I have given my kids their grandparents to accommodate that problem. But i still want to do things with my kids as well.
Thankfully, my DH has no
Thankfully, my DH has no issue with taking trips without the skids. Part of that is that he likes to have an adult vacation every year, and part of it is that we can't always afford to take everyone. Vacations are expensive! And the skids go on a few nice vacations with BM and her husband each year. Skids take more vacations than we do! In the past year, we've gone on a vacation alone, we've gone on a vacation with just our bio (skids couldn't go because it was their mom's time over Christmas), and we've gone on vacation with skids. DH isn't willing to always exclude them (and I don't want to do that either), but he is willing to go without them sometimes. If he wasn't, I would not be happy.
Im so happy for you seems
Im so happy for you seems like your DH understands. I hope one day we will get there.. unfortunately not today.
LOL, I think he mostly
LOL, I think he mostly understands lack of finances, but I'll take it!
I think it's also good to
I think it's also good to inform our partners that all because they aren't doing it with their kids doesn't mean that their kid isn't getting the experience with the other parent.
Christmas is a fine example of this. Some parents want to push off the ENTIRE holiday until the SK can join, sometimes even wanting "ours" kids to wait. That's asinine. The SK is celebrating with the other parent. No reason to make everyone else put their life on hold because SK isn't celebrating with your spouse.
I do understand that parents want to experience things with their kids and have those memories, but all that requires is planning for those memories. That's very different than putting life on hold. Divorced parents need to act *proactively* by planning and scheduling, not *reactively* to see if things pan out.