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BM rents too much head space, How can i get this b**ch kicked out....

FTMandSM's picture

OK, So I am fairly new to the whole SM thing, 2 years in April. Anyway, I see people referring to the BMs renting too much space in peoples head. How Can I get her out? I don't want to completely disengage from my SD. She is only 3 and hasn't hit her hormonal I hate life teenage years yet and I'm learning to enjoy her. (thanks to this site) BM does things that irritate me sooo much, that sometimes, I find myself obbsessing over what ever it was that she did. I mean, for days sometimes. So, how have some of you managed to not let BM/BD rent so much space and time in your head??

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StepKat's picture

I've learned to laugh at what psycho does. If she does something that really annoys me, I'll come here, vent about it and then go play on Pinterest.

Shaman29's picture

Welcome and I'm glad you're here.

It's not easy keeping the BM out of your head. Especially when they are vindictive or in my case, pretty much a sociopath.

The only way is to disengage from the BM/BD. You don't have to disengage from your SD in order to do this. My tips for staying BM free.

Do not give her your email.
Do not give her your phone number.
Do not friend her on FB and block her if possible.
Do not be the go between/secretary for your DH or the SD.
Do not respond to any messages from her, give them to your DH.
Do not discuss her with DH's family members or your SD.
Do not ever, under any circumstances say a negative word about her to or in front of SD.

Always remember she is your DH's ex and not your ex. You are not required to have a relationship with her. Be polite, don't engage her and don't allow your DH to put you in the middle.

farting_glitter's picture

this this this^^^^^^......and DO NOT insert yourself if at all possible....as in, I don't go to pick ups and drop offs anymore with DH...no need for me to be there...all you do by doing that is showing the BM that YOU have to be seen...out of sight, out of mind....I haven't seen BM in 13 months and I'm okay with that... Biggrin

FTMandSM's picture

This is all great advice. I used to go to pick ups and drop offs too, but i stopped doing that. She would always have something to say like I was giving her dirty looks when I was playing on my phone the entire time just so I wouldn't make eye contact with her. She has my number unfortunately, but not my email. The one thing I can't stop is DH's family ALWAYS talking about her, not in a good way, but still it's annoying. Let's just enjoy each others company and forget her, for once. I feel like I can't get away from BM, someone always has to bring her up in some way.

farting_glitter's picture

BM doesn't have my email or cell number and she can't send me messages on FB either... }:) ....luckily she lives about an hour away from us so I don't have to run into her around town...like ever....there is NO reason for me to be face to face with her anymore at this point...the last time I did see her face, she is damn lucky there was a cop standing between us....very lucky....

FTMandSM's picture

Hahahaha!! You are lucky that you live so far away. Last year, on black friday, we saw her parents in a parking lot as we were driving by. We were in two seperate vehicles, we were just meeting for lunch. Two seconds later her got a call asking him where SD was. He told her she was in the car with him, but of course that's not what her parents saw...little did she know, I was in his car and he was in mine with SD. BM's parents didn't know what kind of car I drove. I haven't run into her at the store yet, but I'm just waiting for that moment...I'm sure it will be VERY akward.

farting_glitter's picture

this too^^^....DH will call Princess Boy in between his jobs...he never does it around me...he knows better...and there isn't anything that me and DH need to discuss about BM...nothing....she means about as much to me a crackwhore on the street....nada...zip...zero....

DaizyDuke's picture

I honestly think it just takes time. It's like a double edged sword for me... on one side, I WANT to know what the hell is up with her, if she is calling DH, wanting stuff, demanding stuff, crossing boundaries etc. I don't like feeling like DH has some sneaky ass "relationship" with her. But then on the other side of that sword, I DON'T want to know, because I just overanalyze every stupid thing she does and says and rent her more space in my head.

Over the years I have come to realize that for me? It's best to pretend she doesn't exist. I refuse to speak to her, and like someone above said, I leave the room if she calls, and I NEVER go with DH if I know she is going to be around. DH will complain about stuff she does from time to time and I will listen and add my two (well maybe more like 10) cents, but other than that? I don't ask.

I'll freely admit, the damage was done early on and she still rents space in my head (in that I stalk her FB from time to time) but that space is a hell of a lot smaller than it used to be.

FTMandSM's picture

I think that's what I'm most afriad of, her crossing boundries....She used to send him pictures of her self not nude but the selfie where you can see down the shirt and pics of her underwear. I know that he loves me not her, but I want to be like bitch back off my man. One minute she is doing that and the next, she is telling him how big of a POS he is and how much she hates him. Bi-polar maybe? IDK. I think you're right, it takes time...

farting_glitter's picture

^^^^^^ :jawdrop:

FTMandSM's picture

And that's why he blocked her from texting. He would ask her to stop or just delete and ignore but she didn't get it.

StepKat's picture

I won't hide, alter my life or not interact with my skids just to appease BM. I normally don't go with DH to pick up or drop off the skids unless there is an event we are going to right after. If me being there cause BM to act like she has a corn cob up her ass then that's her problem. I don't go out of my way to do things that I know will ruffle BM's sensitive feathers, but me simply being in the car while DH get his kids shouldn't cause drama with a normal person and DH knows this. Therefore, DH will not put up with her crap if she starts anything over something so simple and non-confrontational. If the skids ask me to attend a school or church even that they are in I will go, whether or not BM is there or not. If she doesn't like me there then tough cookies.

Lets just put it this way. If I see her walk down the side walk I will not cross the street just to avoid her. I'll hold my head up and act like she's just another face in the crowd. My life will not be influenced by her just because she's nuts.