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A little O/T- I need to file on order of protection against My FDH's Dad....

FTMandSM's picture

Wow, so last night shit got crazy with FDH's stepmom and Dad. The three of them have been talking on and off for the past 3 or 4 months. SDstb4 b-day is coming up and we are just doing a small dinner for her at the house. He invited his Grandma and Grandpa and his cousin. He didn't invite his parents because they haven't spoken in a couple months.

Sunday was his Granparents 62nd wedding anniversary. They put on a breakfast that was at 10:30am. Everyone was invited to go. I didn't go because DS1 has been teething, not sleeping good (naps or bedtime) and that was around his nap time. He had woken up that day at 5:30 5:45ish. So we stayed home. I out him down at 10 and he slept til about 1:30. THANK Goodness!!! Anyway his stepmom and dad were saying I didn't go deliberately. Which is not true. These people aren't even a blip on my radar. But they tend to think all this crap about me. Fast forward to last night:

FDH gets a text from BM that she forwarded, it's from his stepmom asking BM to see SD for her birthday. FDH is pissed about this, he feels that she had no right to go behind his back and ask BM to see SD. I just told him that she has every right to do whatever she wanted, whether you feel it best or not, and BM can respond in how she see's fit. He called BM to tell her that he doesn't really want her (BM) to get involved in this nonsense, but she can do what she wants.

We were both a little confused as to why Stepmom decided to ask BM for SD. They haven't asked to see either kid and he already told them, all they need to do is ask, but they don't.
FDH sent Stepmom a text asking if they were coming to SD's b-day dinner. She said "Why so we can feel uncomfortable? FTMandSM and DS1 weren't there on Sunday, it's not fair." (Not really sure what that means.) Long story short, they don't feel comfortable coming to our house, but was never going to tell us and just not show up.

Well...FDH had to drop SD off to BM and swing by his grandparents house to drop off the present he bought for his grandparents to give to SD. On the way his dad sent him this text word for word, I just copied and pasted it. It's hard to read. My notes are in ():

"You're a real piece work you're ungrateful shellfish (selfish) and only out for yourself. You and your whstever she is baby momma (this is me) are dead if catch you I'll give something To really be upset about. I'm not saying I'd beat you senseless I should have done that yrs ago you are a Mormon (moron, we aren't Mormons) at least you have found a mental midget(that would be me) to live your life with." I just copied and pasted it. It's hard to read. My notes are in ()..

I'm so done with these people. He has clearly threatened to kill myself and FDH. I need to protect my son and yes my SD from these types of people. I'm going to have to file on Order of protection. Do I need to go straight to the police station or speak to a lawyer? Any help and advice would be great as I want to do this today. Thank you for reading!!

Comments

FTMandSM's picture

"Regarding the decision about whom SD can see and whom not, is not up to you, it's up to DH and BM, if BM allows the grand parents to see SD on her time, not much you can do about it."---That's what I had said to FDH, it would be up to BM decide to let them see SD. BM has already told FDH that she wouldn't. BM HATES his parents. They were pretty awful to her when him and BM broke up.

I don't want to ignore this. I want it documented that this happened, in some way, so if anything ever does happen, the authorities know about it.

Also, if they decide to take us to court and invoke grandparents rights, I want this to be properly documented so they don't get anything.

FTMandSM's picture

Grandparents can take you to court to get visitation. It may just be a day a month, but they still have the right to do so. That's what I meant. She won't be able to, cause we all know that a stepmom has zero rights, but his dad can. That's why I want to document what has been said. And his dad was gracious enough to send the threat in a text message.

FDH thinks it's all his stepmom. I tried to reason with him, that it isn't all her. She didn't control his dads fingers and write that message. His dad did that. I don't think she is poisoning him. FDH does and I try to explain to him, that his dad is a grown man and can think for himself. He won't divorce her. He actually got arrested a few months ago for soliciting a prostitute. And admitted to sleeping with more than one. Yeah real gem. She should have left him.

FTMandSM's picture

I'm not even sure they would have the money to fight. " VERY difficult to get." but that is good news. They haven't acted as much of anything.

Ex4life's picture

While it sounds like the grandparents, for want of a better word, will be unlikely to file for grandparents rights please keep this in mind if they ever do. They will have to sue both the BM and your DH, this will be a VERY expensive and time consuming adventure for them, they will have to prove that not seeing the child will cause irreparable harm to the child,and most importantly, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER agree to any kind of agreement in mediation or consults. Make the judge decide the case on its merits. There is a very high level that the grandparents will have to meet to prove they deserve visitation. Oh, and if you agree to or the judge orders visitation for them, their time comes out of your DH's time. The BM should not have to lose her time for DH's parents.

Gwynnafaye's picture

I know from experience, in my state, if you get a protective order against someone, if they have any weapons (guns), the sheriff will remove all weapons from the house.

FTMandSM's picture

They assume that I am keeping DS away from them (wasn't then, but I damn sure and now) and that I alienate FDH from his family. Like I can control a 30 year old man. He does things all the time without me knowing. He see's his grandparents almost everyday and takes DS with him. His Dad works 5 min from our house and has never asked to stop by or anything. And I orchestrate all the texts etc between them through FDH. I have said NOTHING.

FTMandSM's picture

You ask a very good question. I am not sure what I am to do. I think just being together is going to have to be good for FDH. We don't have any wedding plans. I want a few years of peace and quiet before we even take the plunge.

There are other factors as well like CS because laws can change and we have debt that I would like paid off before saying I Do.

FTMandSM's picture

I just want things to be semi calm. I know with BM that it may never happen. I can at least prepare myself somewhat for that mess and disengage from her and her ugliness. But this crap needs to never happen again. It's hard for me to see family members act this way and have families be torn apart.

FTMandSM's picture

My thoughts exactly. I wouldn't put it past his parents to trash talk myself and FDH in front of SD. They already talk about BM obsessively in front of her. SD is going to be 4 in a few days and knows what is being said. I hate BM just as much as they do, but they put way too much energy into it. And I don't talk about BM in front of SD.

FTMandSM's picture

Well, FDH and I have decided that we are going to go to The Police station when I get home from work, at least to get this documented and see what they advise.

Thank you ladies for the laughs, I really need them today.

DaizyDuke's picture

Let the police deal with the idiot... I think you'd be better off going for harassment, but I'm sure the police can advise you. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for this convo! LMAO

Police: We received a complaint and are advising you to cease an desist all contact with the Ungrateful, Mormon Shellfish, mental midget lover!

for the love of Pete, do people not make a quick proofread before hitting "send"?

FTMandSM's picture

"Police: We received a complaint and are advising you to cease an desist all contact with the Ungrateful, Mormon Shellfish, mental midget lover!" LMFAO!!! I'm getting weird looks at work as I literally laugh out loud!!! Nothing worse than a Mormon Shellfish!!!