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Day 1 of no SD is in the books

TrueNorth77's picture

Yesterday was exchange day, SS came by us- part of me thought SD14 might show up after all, but she did not. We are offically in week 1 of the 4wks of SD staying with Crazy FT. It's honestly pretty glorious.

DH said he just isn't thinking about it or focusing on it and he feels there's nothing he can do anyway so he's in a pretty good place, which makes me feel less guilty for being relieved she isn't here. It feels like a weight has been lifted. That girl is drama. Both of these kids are really. Don't get me wrong, I feel like this is NOT the best thing for her whatsoever, but at the same time forcing a kid to be here who is clearly PAS'd and doing whatever she can to get attention in an unhealthy way while she torments everyone else is not the solution either. 

SS17 had a basketball game, so we didn't even see him last night at all, which I take as another small win because every Monday is spent with DH yelling at him about all of the crap SS let go during the week. Apparently it is just impossible to follow the clear, manageable expectations DH has set. Like, go to your classes, actually TRY in school, and work at least 1 day a week. DH looked at our Ins. app (which he never does, he would rather stick his head in the sand) and saw that not only did SS not go to his college class yesterday, he hasn't worked in over a week- he was living his best life, flitting all over, going to see his ex gf, and then going to see his current gf the next day. Which is not ok with me, because these girls do not know. DH was looking at the app yelling out the things he was finding, ("Well he didn't make any trips to work this wknd! Me: Yeah I saw that but wasn't going to say anything...he Actually hasn't gone since Feb 4th.... DH: *looks again* For F*cks sake, Why is this hard??). DH proceeds to light SS up via text, SS responds with excuses like always, which DH was relaying to me but I didn't even want to hear because I honestly don't even believe since SS has lied to our face repeatedly and my trust is gone. DH was so aggravated at SS because this is the pattern every single week. DH looks at SS's grades and sees he's getting F's. Or that SS didn't go to class, or to work, or he lied to us. Because SS is LAZY.  Literally one of the laziest kids I've met. But at the same time, DH has told SS he needs to be sending him his work schedule, but SS doesn't and DH doesn't follow-through. If SS knew DH would be seeing his schedule, you can bet that SS would be working more. But when he's at Crazy's, he rarely works, and DH doesn't follow-through with making SS send his schedule, so we are in this cycle of insanity where SS will only change if held accountable, but he isn't since DH thinks repeatedly yelling about the same thing is the answer. 

Last night DH said they can both stay at Crazy's house FT if this is how they are going to act. I thought, Don't even JOKE DH! As it is, I've already let myself consider that if this thing with SD continues and she ends up staying with Crazy FT, SS will be leaving for college in Aug- which means we would be kid-free in MONTHS. I would be surprised if it happens and for DH's sake I hope it doesn't, but can you imagine? 

ETA: SD blocked both DH and I on Snapchat, and at least me (I assume him also) on Text. She had told DH that he Didn't buy a safe for her meds when she started making suicidal statements, that we "already had one". So I tried to snapchat her the receipt and noticed I was blocked, and text her instead. SD just text me that she "has me blocked so she doesn't know how that text came through on her watch", and that she "has no contact with her father" so she doesn't want me to contact her either, and some other crap that doesn't make sense, and that we have caused her "so much trauma" by laughing at her wanting to kill herself. This is literally insane.- We did not laugh at her wanting to khs. We have taken this seriously for almost 2YRS. DH set up counseling immediately, plus an appt. with a psychiatrist, I gave her the suicide hotline # and researched outpatient programs, DH bought a safe for meds, took her to the hospital when she made threats, slept in the living room with her overnight when she made threats, we had endless talks. Her mom told her she wasn't serious and did nothing. You can't even fight against this. It's infuriating to be the villains in a made-up world.


Rags's picture

What is laughable is the Skid (SS, SD) and BM self delusion.

I would have your attorney send letter head communications to SD confronting her lies and delusion pointing out the falacies in her bullshit.  Do the same with BM and SS as necessary.  There may be no real legal action that you can take but a bare SD's lying manipulative ass nasty gram letter from your attorney's office may scare the shit out of her enough to at least get her to think... no matter how briefly that may be.

And... collect SS's car and sell it immediately to an online dealership.  Inform him that his lies and irresponsible crap will no longer be supported. If he goes to college and delivers on accademic performance, providing proof, that you and DH may, repeat... MAY, consider replacing the car.  My assumption is that since you insure him to drive that you own the car.  If you do not own the car...drop the insurance and put that on SS to pay for.... by actually going to work.  When he gets pulled over and is uninsured, or wrecks car with significant personal liability, that will be a huge lesson.

When what has been repeatedly tried isn't working, shake it up, amplify the pain, and bring the misery.  A stb college kid who had a car and then doesn't... big message.  A manipulative fakely suicidal lying teen mini-BM attention whore who gets a letter from a lawyer confronting her crap, outlining that legal action will be taken to protect her from herself, maybe different enough to make an impression.  I'm not sure if a lawyer will send a letter to a 14yo, but... it may be worth a try.  As for BM, just bare her ass repeatedly and put all of the Skid crap on her if they will not engage with some semblance of intelligence.  She is the idiot, she owns the idiot kid crap. For both of the crap spawn.

Make her own it. Make her feel the pain and misery of her/their shit.  Afterall, they live with her. She is the primary parent, and she needs to have her nose rubbed in the gooey stanky shit  pile she is creating with them and for them.


TrueNorth77's picture

DH would NEVER do any of this, and would probably divorce me for even suggesting it. SS actually does own the car, but DH pays insurance. We have already said we will not be putting any car SD gets under our insurance, even though ours is much cheaper than what Crazy can get because we get the house/multiple car discount and Crazy just rents a dumpy house with her 1 vehicle. 
The majority of DH and I's arguments stem from him not wanting to take action when it comes to disciplining skids- he just yells, expects it to change, it doesn't- rinse, repeat. 
Oh what I would give for him to do ANYTHING to dissuade SS from lying/skipping school/work aside from yell. Alas, after 8yrs, I don't expect him to start now so I try to disengage from it as much as I possibly can mentally stand to.

Rags's picture

If he hangs divorce over your head regarding fully legitimate actions to protect yourself from his failed manhood, failed parenting, failed partnering, and failed family baggage, why do you tolerate him, them, the whole thing?

Where is your enough is enough point?

Take care of you.

Give rose

Harry's picture

Get SD out of your head.  Disengage... It's not good looking to get into a mud fight with a child. She wants CRAZY  let her have Crazy.  Do not fund AD. Because you will be funding crazy.