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Newimprvmodel's picture

In my family dysfunction. My father likely has cancer but won't agree to getting scoped for definitive biopsy. He is very elderly and frail and adamant he will not undergo anesthesia. He also doesn't want my mother and brother to know. His right. My 20 something daughter enjoys having him live at our house. She is wonderful with him as is my husband.  
went over to parents house to interview real estate agents. My mother had a large glass bottle that held thousands of pennies. It was smashed and empty.  I took a picture of it. The desperation for money to pay brother's bills.  
I did send little nephew a cool toy and fancy cupcakes for his birthday. Never got a thank you but I hope they didn't sell the toy. They returned the Christmas gift from Amazon.  
My brother texted me last night that when the house is sold he is bringing my mother back to our area and getting her an apartment because he finally realizes an 80 something yr old without a filter and unhinged "has damaged" his boy. So he will dump her here and take off with the money!!  
Great thing is that I am sole trustee.  My parents this summer wanted money to be parceled out to him.  I feel uncomfortable selling the house. It was supposed to happen AFTER their deaths. 
thanks for listening. 

notarelative's picture

This has to be very stressful.

You need to talk to a lawyer about the proceeds from the house and long term Medicaid rules. Dispersing money to others can affect eligibility for nursing home care for five years. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

The beneficiaries are me and my minor nephew.  My brother as the boy's father  can go to court to get that money I suppose. 
Once my brother get the money he will dump our mother. Likely put her on a plane back to our area. She is unhinged and hateful. 
so.  Money doesn't get dispersed all at once. And not to him.  What a mess it will be. 

notarelative's picture

Brother could go to court, but I don't see the court releasing nephew's money to him while your parents are still alive. 

A mess is a good way to describe this. Protect your parents and yourself legally.

Tried out's picture

nephew in a trust with the funds not available to him until he turns 18 or whatever?

TheAccidentalSM's picture

This saga is so awful.  You are completely correct in expecting your brother to unceremoniously dump your mother on your doorstep as soon as she is of no more use to him.

Newimprvmodel's picture

So this weekend the harrassment continued. I told my mother in no uncertain terms that her son contacted me and is dumping. She feigned she couldn't hear me but in later contact said she knows and doesn't care. 
more threats of calling police and finally that unless my father sends more money their house in foreclosure this week and they go to a shelter. 
finally last night brother leaves voicemail telling me I am a cunt and he hopes I die a painful death along with everyone I love. I heard my mother and little nephew in background. 

Right now I  am trying to get parents house sold ASAP. Brother says I have destroyed his child's life. 
no responsibility on his end. None. 
thanks for listening. Nobody can believe this. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

I've been doing reading to try and explain this.  Ever since my brother small child he was enmeshed with my mother. When I was in high school and if she didn't like my boyfriend my brother at the age of 8 or so would actually follow us in the house and purposely be a brat. 
He was aligned against my father. My mother ensured that happened. Told my father he was not to discipline him. 
but now I've never seen anything like it. The desperation. The vicious verbal attacks on all of us including my ex. I've read about folie a deux?  This sounds like it. And my mother? How crazy is that she knows my brother will dump her. It's weird because he says he and my nephew will be going to a shelter but makes no mention of my mother who lives in his house now 2K miles from us. Dementia?  Worsening borderline?

SteppedOut's picture

You brother sound crazy as hell. I feel bad for his child...and I am surprised with such a crazy parent he is able to do ok in school? 

I have been following your journey as much as possible.... but have missed, where is child's mother or mother's family? This child needs help. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

Can you believe it?  He had a child to try and fix himself.  This also added to his tremendous debt. And my crazy mother became a surrogate mother. 
it breaks my heart. And all the time they complain how damaged this poor child is they are the damaged ones. This stuff is not CPS material. Their state is terrible for this. 
I am devastated. For my little nephew. He is in preschool. 

lala-land's picture

It's all about the money all of the time.  Time to block these people.  No access via email, phone, text, etc.  you do realize that your retirement savings will likely be drained to pay for your parents needs.  Your brother will siphon of every last dollar from your mom and dad and then dump them on your doorstep to deal with.  He needs to be foreclosed and move to a shelter,  this is a consequence of his choices and behavior.  Let mommy-dearest go with him, some hard lessons need to be learned.  Good luck with this mess and make sure that you protect yourself anf your family.  They are ramping up and you are the only one who can stop it.  Time to make the money-train disappear.  Oh yes, record all phone calls and keep copies of all the emails and texts.  You are going to need them.

Newimprvmodel's picture

My husband and I are in our 60s. We are hard workers and I refuse to use my retirement money for this. Our elder law attorney says since the house has been a trust so many years, they are good for Medicaid?  That won't be a problem. 
I will not take in my mother.  No.  No. No. she is unhinged and sbusive.  She will end up in a nursing home. 

Tried out's picture

now? Does your mother have medical problems that would qualify her for a nursing home under Medicaid? Even if she does it's going to take a little while for her to be placed in a NH since she's not currently in the hospital or a rehab facility. Where will she go for the interim?

 

lala-land's picture

duplicate...sorry

Rags's picture

Please take care of  you.  

Is there any chance of a RO/PO or no contact order?

Newimprvmodel's picture

I hope my mother dementia because nobody could be so cruel. 
My mother left a message on my home machine that truly was shocking in its cruelty to me and my adult daughter in her 20's.  Background info:
I had an abortion when I was very young but then never had bio kids. Was it my husband, me?  Anyway all my kids are adopted.  So....  
My mother started out by calling me a murderer again. Then said I was filled with anger because my brother "has something you will never have-your OWN child! And he is blonde and beautiful and SMART!"  Your kids are all dummies.  So God got you back. And you will NEVER have your own grandchildren!  
She then laughed and said to my brother in the back ground "Now she'll really hate me."

I blocked them and made a recording of it. 
So awful that my daughter had to hear it. She started crying. She said she had been tempted to erase it before I came home. 
that was the straw breaking camels back. 
I am done.  Sadly I don't think dementia explains it. I am no doctor but I thought demented patients spew nonsense. My mother clearly knew how to wound me and she gleefully did. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

What a truly evil thing for her to do.  And your poor daughter. 

Please do what you have to to cut these people out of your life.