Husband made up lie about his SS (my bio son)
Hi there-this is my first post so I apologize if it's all over the place. I'll do my best to make this as logical as possible. I've searched the archives of this site and haven't found anything addressing this topic so I hope someone here has experienced this and might have some advice.
Background: My husband and I have been together for about 6 years, married for 2. We have 3 children together, 15, 12, and 9. The older two are his from his previous marriage, and the youngest is mine from my previous marriage. Overall, our blended situation isn't as rough as some others I've heard of, so I would consider us lucky. However, we struggle most with our 12-year old (my SS). He is...a lot. He has been diagnosed with a variety of things, ADHD, ODD, and some other things. He's always in trouble at school, gets poor grades, lies, manipulates, has horrible hygiene, "doesn't care" about anything, etc. My relationship with him has been the most taxing of all. Ironically, out of the four parents (BM, SD, DH and me), I'm the only one who has put in the most consistent time trying to work with SS to connect around his neurodivergencies. I've read half a dozen books, researched specialty therapists for him, bought him special planners to try and help with school, tried to institute special processes in the house that would work with him, given him the benefit of the doubt on most things, and even avoided doling out punishment in favor of seeking a learning opportunity. Unfortunately, no one recognizes or acknowledges any of these efforts. Quite the opposite. The majority of my fights with DH are about SS--I'm too harsh, too mean, I don't treat the children equally, etc. BM is a horrible, toxic, manipulative beast who looks to undermine me every chance she gets so she's no help. The unfortunate truth is that my SS chooses to break the rules ALL THE TIME (with the enablement of his BM) where the other children don't. It's that simple. But the evil stepmother trope is so much more convenient than facing the truth and committing to getting this boy the consistent help that he so desperately needs. As I'm not a bio parent and have no parental rights, my hands are tied. I just discovered the disengaging forum...may have to check that out....alas, I digress. With all that in mind, let's get to the incident.
The Incident: While I was getting ready this morning, I received a text from DH who was downstairs saying that he took my (bio)son's tablet and hid it because he found the tablet on the floor under the table. We have a rule in the house that if things/electronics are found somewhere they don't belong and we find them, we will take them away for a minimum of 24 hours. He said he assumes the tablet fell off the table or bench and onto the floor. I JUST had to talk to my son about leaving his tablet on the floor the other night. If the tablet was indeed on the floor again, I wasn't so sure it was an accident, and I was about to insist on a longer/harsher punishment (i.e. longer than 24 hours) since we just talked about this the other night (but I don't treat the kids fair, right? eyeroll...). I decided to review our camera footage to see what happened. Imagine my surprise when I look at the footage and see that the tablet never leaves the table!!! I watched the entire morning back as the kids watched the tablet together then got up and left the table. 10 minutes later DH walks in the kitchen, makes coffee, then walks over to the table and pauses as he looks at the tablet. You can see where he texts me the original text (from the timestamp). After a few seconds he picks it up from the table and walks away. The tablet NEVER touches the ground. Not once. Not ever.
The lie: I sent a message back to DH saying that I reviewed the camera footage and I never saw the tablet on the floor. He doubled down with ANOTHER lie that he picked up the tablet and put it on the table before running the roomba. I told him that I watched the entire clip and that I watched him walk in the kitchen for the first time that day, make his coffee, and that the tablet never touched the ground. Then I sent him the clip. He didn't respond.
The aftermath: We had someone stop by the house at that moment so he was afforded a distraction. I tried bringing it up afterwards and I asked if he watched the clip. He said no, walked past me and out of the room. We were around the kids the rest of the day so I couldn't bring it up freely. As an aside, DH's typical response for uncomfortable topics is to avoid them, never discuss them and pretend like they never happened. I know that's what he's trying to do here. However, I'm NOT ok with the fact that he made up a whole lie about my son dropping a tablet on the floor just to get him in trouble. I feel like he did it because he's tired of his son always getting in trouble? I've NEVER made up a story about my SS though. This just seems really messed up. Am I overreacting? Has anything like this happened to any of you?
If you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me I hope it wasn't too bad.